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Post by Deleted on Apr 24, 2016 18:39:25 GMT -5
Talk, Talk, Talk, Talk, Boom!
AKA- Kill Billie Vol. 2
The sisters are still in the Underworld.
Phoebe- “They’ve already taken over our world, that’s why we’re stuck down here.”
Why? The Manor is not the world guys. You could go to Phoebe's condo, to Victor’s, to Henry’s, or y’know, just anywhere on the planet where you’re not likely to be attacked by cheesed off leprechauns. So anywhere but my extended family gatherings basically.
DullPain reports to The Three Ghostly Stooges. The Stooges are impatient, but he assures them that the Jenkins sisters will be prepared for the attack.
Brian Krause is in the opening credits again.
The Jenkins sisters are in the Manor attic. Billie has sent the magical community away, as this is not their fight. Huh, can’t imagine how they got the magical community onside.
Christy suggests using powerful vanquishing potions on the sisters. Billie is distressed by this, although I’m not exactly sure why at this point, unless that massive fireball they threw last episode was just meant for toasting marshmallows.
StoopidCoopid appears. He’s suspicious, the Jenkins sisters act shifty as hell and he teleports out again. Thank you for your contribution StoopidCoopid.
The Charmed Ones sit by a fire in the Underworld. Apparently it’s Paige’s turn to be Ms. GiveUpandDie, because she’s just ready to quit. Phoebe is against this idea, but only because she has a potential relationship with StoopidCoopid in the pipeline. Yes, really, that is her stated reason.
Phoebe: “They’re no different than demons now.”
*Sigh* so Phoebe is ready to kill them now, because see above. It’s just perfect that Phoebe would be the one to say this… I mean, they all have form, but Phoebe? The hypocrisy of these women is a thing to behold.
The Bay Mirror. Some curly haired black wearing nobody shows up. He starts routing through Phoebe’s desk until Elise shows up. He acts all mysterious and suggests that Phoebe might be in trouble before Elise kicks him out.
He also says that Phoebe hasn’t been at her condo for a couple of weeks, despite StoopidCoopid JUST having said that he saw her there last night. So continuity will remain strong right until the final curtain I see.
Curly Haired Nobody walks down the lot with a Barely Haired Nobody and they waffle on about The Charmed Ones. They want to take power, so want to eliminate the Stooges by teaming up with the sisters. Great, more expendable, 2D characters, we really needed more of those this season.
StoopidCoopid visits Victor, who is watching Wyatt and Chris. Oh this is where they throw in that Chris can orb objects by the way; so he’s not completely useless next to his deity of a brother.
Despite StoopidCoopid’s annoying presence, this is fairly watchable, because Victor doesn’t have much patience for him. He actually tells StoopidCoopid to buzz off, heh. He tells him that Phoebe deserves better and that he doesn’t know a thing about being heartbroken just because he’s a StoopidCoopid. Not sure about the ‘deserves better’ bit, since I think the main thing Phoebe deserves was delivered by that ogre last episode… but I’m not about to complain about StoopdCoopid getting an earful.
The Charmed Ones are back at the Manor making potions. The Jenkins sisters show up. They try to get the Charmed Ones to throw their potions first, but Paige stops them. It was an astral projection decoy you see. Because of course everyone can astral project these days, just like everyone can glamour. Paige says it’s Billie’s power to pull anything out of her a$$.
The real Jenkins sisters run out, each set throw their potions and they end up blowing each other back with a big explosion, but no major casualties.
As they orb to Phoebe’s condo The Two Nobodies send them to sleep (right there with ya girls!).
Barely Haired Nobody: It’s tempting just to kill them now.
Curly Haired Nobody: Oh it’s never that easy.
Yes, great writers, draw attention to how freakin moronic your villains are.
They wake up. Talk, talk, talk. I barely care what the leads have to say, you seriously think I give a damn about these two. They want to team up.
I couldn’t help but notice that Rose is looking rather gaunt and tired this episode. Perhaps balancing this with Planet Terror was taking a toll?
Piper sees a ‘Return of the Jedi’ style ghost of Leo in the mirror. First the freezing, now this? Is Billie going to rip off her face and reveal that she’s Jar Jar Binks?
So anyway, The Two Nobodies go to spy at Notwarts, like the leprechauns did. Why exactly does somebody always have to do this for them? If you're so scared of getting caught, just cast an invisibility spell; you've done it once this season.
Curly Haired Nobody listens in on DullPain talking to The Ghostly Stooges. They decide that they need The Hollow. Yes, because that went so well last time. DullPain recycles all The Seer’s lines from season 4, warning against it, but The Stooges are determined. They say the Jenkins sisters will need Charmed-like powers to summon it for some reason and DullPain knows where to find such power.
The Charmed Ones are at the condo still. Phoebe his scrying and the Jenkins sisters are back at the Manor. The Two Nobodies tell them about The Hollow. They talk and talk and talk and talk. Wow, this is so boring. Anyway Piper decides they should take The Hollow first, because she doesn’t care what the cost is now she’s seen Leo.
Paige: “But then he went nuts and then it went into Cole and he went nuts and then we had to vanquish him!”
How very revisionist of you Paige. Once again, your memory fails. Cole going nuts had nothing to do with the Hollow.
StoopidCoopid turns up. Phoebe has as little patience for him as Victor haha. She yells at him and sends him away. Hehehe, I guess there’s a silver lining to this episode.
DullPain convinces Wyatt to go to the Manor to help Billie “save his mother”. Billie is freaked out by this whole idea, because apparently they need Wyatt to summon The Hollow. DullPain convinces her by bringing up the Chris-Crossed flashback again and claiming that it’s the only way to stop them following in the wrong footsteps. I could be convinced of that to be honest. I mean I’m not condoning their methods here, but if it turned out that it wasn’t Gideon after all and Wyatt’s descent into darkness truly stemmed from his family’s selfishness and carelessness, I could buy that.
Condo. Yet more yacking about The Hollow. Oh for the love of… just move! Do something! This is so freakin’ boring! You’re just repeating stuff we already know! Then Piper sees Leo again. Urgh, just get on with it!!!
Billie reluctantly gets Wyatt to hold their hands as they say the incantation. The Charmed Ones say it at the same time. Predictably, the Hollow splits between the five of them. Billie and Christy absorb Wyatt’s powers when he uses his shield.
Chris orbs Wyatt back to Victor’s place. Which I find kind of hilarious, since he can’t even talk yet and it took Paige till season 7 to be able to do that.
The Charmed Ones absorb Barely Haired Nobody’s powers and vanquish him with six energy balls. It sounds cooler than it is. Curly Haired Nobody runs away and this is the last we’ll see of him, not that he’ll be missed... it's just he had a lot of screen time considering.
DullPain freaks out to The Stooges. The Charmed Ones show up and vanquish The Stooges with lightning bolts. Huh? But they’re ghosts. Since when could you vanquish ghosts with powers like that?
The five witches meet at The Manor again. The Jenkins Sisters shoot blasts of fire, The Charmed Ones lightning bolts and they meet in the middle and just sizzle for a while. The witches all just stand there with their arms out. My two main issues with this fight- 1) Might have been just a bit more exciting if they, I dunno, moved an inch or something. 2) These two sets of sisters have been bigged up so much as The Charmed Ones and The Ultimate Power respectively and now that they’re fighting, they’re not even using their own abilities for it! What a let-down.
Anyway, after about 20 seconds of non-action, the house explodes. I can’t deny, it’s a pretty cool effect. Especially with it showing the blast bursting through the rooms upstairs. The Hollow goes back to its box. Well, that was quick. Apparently that was The Ultimate Battle. Hm.
What remains of The Manor. Piper comes out from under the rubble… because of course when the world ends, it’ll just be Piper and the cockroaches that are left. A mere explosion can’t penetrate that hollow trap she calls a body! Really though, she just has a bloody nose and a bit of a gash on her head; I’ve seen people far worse than this from having fallen down a small flite of stairs!
She finds Phoebe’s body. Hooray! She cries and I feel nothing. Usually Holly’s crying can get me a tiny bit emotional, even if I don’t give a stuff about the characters, but this time, nada.
Oh, Paige could’ve been saved with some medical attention by the way, but the hour Piper spent crying over PhoeMe just left it too late. Kidding, but even so…
The Denise of Destiny shows up and delivers Leo. He’s had a haircut since last we saw him. He sees Phoebe dead and Brian does the most hilarious expression ever, which I can only think to call a constipation face... maybe Leo hasn't had a bathroom break since Vaya Con Leos.
Piper hears someone groaning and thinks it’s Paige. Oh that's right, cuz Paige exists, I forget! Anyway, turns out it’s Billie. She probably used her projection power and just decided not to be dead or something. Piper punches Billie and begins choking her. Leo pulls her off and Piper throws a few misaimed explosions at Billie as she runs off.
Next up- The series finale. An episode that says “They’re not paying us after this, so see if we give a sh!t.” Combining the things Charmed does best: continuity, romance, pointless guest stars and time travel. We've slid down that rocky hill that is season 8, now get ready to plunge right off the cliff.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 24, 2016 23:16:17 GMT -5
Hang in there, my friend. The finish line is within reach.
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Post by Astral Vision on Apr 25, 2016 2:23:51 GMT -5
These are a joy to read as always! Just one more episode to go!  |
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Post by Chrisaholic on Apr 28, 2016 9:17:27 GMT -5
To "Kill Billie Vol.2": Yay, Chris can finally orb though only Wyatt knows. However, he does know that fact. The rest of the episode is the same usual, except of these two demons who are helping the Charmed Ones. Well, can we forget the rest with Dumain & Co? As well as Coop. At least, Victor gives him an earful about loss and love.
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Post by Deleted on May 9, 2016 10:21:10 GMT -5
Thou Shalt Not Suffer a Witch to Make One More F*****g Episode!
A.K.A- Forever Charmed
Piper blasts her way into Phoebe’s condo for the Book of Shadows. She looks for a way to get Phoebe back (yeah just Phoebe, Paige is still waiting in vain for someone to dig her out), but Leo insists that she can’t undo what’s already been done… and I laugh and laugh and laugh at them for actually thinking that any of us would buy that death has any meaning on this show at this point.
Billie goes to talk to DullPain and tells him that Christy is dead. Oh, what I said last episode about Piper looking like she fell down a few stairs; well Billie looks like she grazed herself in the playground… as opposed to just being in a massive explosion that took out an entire Manor house.
There’s a pile of ashes where The Three Stooges once floated. Ashes. From ghosts!
DullPain tells Billie she can use her power to pull anything out of her a$$ to go back in time and save Christy. Why on earth they needed The Hollow when Billie has this power, I have no idea. Billie, if you could project this season out of my memory, that’d be cool.
The final opening credits sequence. I wish I could work up a bit of nostalgia, but I’ve got nothin’.
Piper and Leo go to Victor’s place. So you see what I was saying last episode… why the hell did they spend all that time running around the underworld? Anyway, Piper breaks the news to her father, but assures him that she’ll fix it. Victor seems mildly upset about Phoebe’s death and then mentions StoopidCoopid.
Piper summons him.
Hahaha. For once Piper’s total insensitivity is just what the doctor ordered.
She takes his ring, which can follow love through time or whatever. So Piper thinks of Phoebe, of course, her one true equal… and for some reason this transports them to Patty and Victor in bed. They’re conceiving Phoebe you see. Surely Piper would have had present day Phoebe in mind. Oh wait… no, I get it. Even Piper can’t deny the vapid creature her sister has turned into, so her subconscious has sent them back far enough to start from scratch. But now we need someone to do the same with Piper.
Anyway, we have Patty and dye job Victor from the 70s. Piper immediately starts telling Patty and Victor their entire f****g future, because nobody cares at this point and Piper is a tactless douchebag.
Um how? Is StoopidCoopid now some sort of almighty time lord who’s going to click his fingers and stick a bandage around the completely f’d up timeline? StoopidCoopid couldn’t find more than one date in the country for his ONE charge!
Oh by the way, it’s all too clear that they didn’t know whether or not Brian could come back for the finale, because he contributes absolutely nothing to any of this. He mostly just stands there. It seems pretty obvious that the writers just threw in a few stock phrases for him once they knew they could get him back. Not that that makes him out of place in this episode; it is filled with pointless chatter to kill time.
Patty suggests that they can recreate the Power of Three with her, Piper and Grams. Ah yes, because how did Melinda’s prophecy go again?
“Each generation would grow stronger and stronger, culminating in the arrival of three sisters and these sisters would be the most powerful witches the world has ever known; they are The Charmed Ones… but also it doesn’t HAVE to be them; anyone else in the family who’s nearby will do, because who cares right?”
They use the ring to teleport to Grams, because it’s faster than driving (yes, really) and it takes them to elderly Piper and Leo. Because Piper is the Grams now, get it? Give me a break! She would obviously have HER Grams in mind when using the ring! Not just ANY grandmother! This is so stupid. Then again, the ring belongs to StoopidCoopid, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised by its incompetence.
Anyway, I really don’t have anything else to say about this scene, because it’s blatant padding and doesn’t tell us anything worth noting… unless you actually had any tension regarding whether or not this plan would work, in which case they’ve done away with that I guess. Oh, one thing… they apparently were going to put Holly in old-age prosthetics originally, but couldn’t due to her pregnancy. So small blessings I guess.
(Sigh) So then they try for Grams again and this time they get it right. Grams is talking to little Piper and telling her how special she is. For those who aren’t aware, Rose was off filming Planet Terror and Phoebe was visiting family… that’s why this episode is so Piper-centric. Just take that in. This is the series finale; the conclusion of 8 years of television, and two out of the three leads had other plans. Wow! To call this show a dead horse just doesn’t even cover it at this point. We’re beating an empty bottle of glue at this stage.
Hahahaha! Oh dear little Piper, no need to worry. Everyone liking Phoebe will not be an issue for long, I assure you. As for Prue, she’s stark raving dead! And apparently she isn’t worth saving since we’ve been to two timeframes now where she’s alive and nobody has given her a second thought. Of course your older sister’s literal death and your younger sister’s character death don’t really matter, since you yourself will become a shrieking harpy with a petrified rat dropping for a heart… but still.
Grams faints at the sight of Patty. Oh, this show just loves a fainting gag huh? Piper tells Patty’s she’s dead in this time period and she’s ever so sensitive about it, beacon of empathy that she is.
DullPain and Billie are at Notwarts… so I guess Piper got really lucky seeing as present day hasn’t turned into some sort of Mad Max world.
DullPain tries to trick Billie into going back to The Three Stooges and she gets very angry. He tells her that they were still alive. Billie twigs that she’s being manipulated.
Billie projects herself back to just before the battle and ends up getting thrown against a wall by her past Hollow infected self.
Piper, Grams and Patty show up and they get rid of the Hollow before the house can explode.
Oh Leo’s there too don’t forget, because he gets taken by The Denise of Destiny again. Oh no, he was contributing so much to the episode!
Also “time caught up with itself” because it’s convenient. No really, Piper and Billie both zap into their past selves, because that’s how it works now.
Why not? You’ve dropped everything else on poor Patty’s head like a ton of bricks, you tactless cow. Why not throw the death of her first born in too?!
Urgh, I’m only half way through…
They fill Phoebe and Paige in on everything, because heaven knows we have time to kill. All of this is interrupted when future Chris and Wyatt appear claiming that somebody screwed up their future. Dun dun dun.
You’re lucky any of you are still alive with all the crap you’ve pulled so far this episode!
Billie fills Christy in on how she’s really against DullPain and working with demons now. Christy is just really blatant about her bloodthirst now… it’ll make it easier for the writers to wrap this up quickly so we can get back to the important stuff (by which I mean the 100 nameless kids).
Urgh, so we have more time travel stupidity. Wyatt and Chris say they were fighting demons in the future when all of a sudden Wyatt lost his powers. No, no, no, no, no! If the past changed, they should have no awareness of that change. Also, powers are meant to be restored once the Hollow is banished, which it has been! Seriously guys, there was ONE other episode that featured the Hollow, you seriously couldn’t even be bothered to remind yourself of the rules before doing this? Oh who am I kidding?
Anyway, Patty, Wyatt and Chris go to Victor’s… ah the perfect opportunity to tell Patty about her divorce. Well, have fun with your pregnancy knowing that little tid-bit of info Patty!
Oh and then StoopidCoopid shows up for his ring and Wyatt lets slip that he’s their uncle. Oh my God, how has the universe not imploded with these morons being trusted with time travel? I know it’s meant to be funny, but I just don’t find their boundless incompetence that amusing. I’d trust my cat and my mother’s dogs to make a more capable team to protect the world!
Victor’s place. He screams at the sight of Patty. Victor, I know she doesn’t show up that often (which is probably why she remains one of the few characters I actually like) but you only saw her last year, this really shouldn’t be that big a shock at this point. Anyway, like I said, Patty gets the news about her affair and her divorce. What a fun day out this is turning out to be for her! One positive is that excitable 70s Patty is really cute until they all decide to devastate her.
Also gotta say, did they really think it was a good idea to put past Patty (meant to be in her 20s) next to present day Victor? Kinda highlighting that there’s clearly not that big an age gap between them guys!
Christy suggests to DullPain that they use StoopidCoopid’s ring to save The Stooges. How has anything ever been an issue ever with cupids around? Apparently they can just solve all problems!
Henry shows up to check on Paige. This 10 seconds is all we see of Henry before the flashforward and I find that really depressing, especially considering the amount of time StoopidCoopid has gotten.
Speaking of which, he’s talking to Phoebe. It’s the same schtick as usual. Phoebe thinks they should focus on the task at hand, StoopidCoopid screams “But love, love, love” about 500 times.
It amazes me how out of touch this show is. Phoebe has actually shown glimmers of having some prioritisation skills this season, but StoopidCoopid is there to drag her back to the status quo. And this is who the writers think is the best fit for her. Not someone who challenges her views and makes her grow as a human being… but someone who snuffs out any attempt at being a decent person and drags her down even further! Congratulations show, you’ve found new levels of sucking!
(Sigh) So what were they saying? Oh, they say they love each other. Let’s move on, because this isn’t even the worst Phoebe-Coop thing this episode.
StoopidCoopid gets taken by DullPain. Ha, for real though, when DullPain is a threat, you must be really pathetic. He’s got to be one of the wimpiest demons ever, surely.
Billie shows up at the Manor with her tail between her legs. She says she’s sorry, which is fine and all, I mean she does have stuff to be sorry for… but this isn’t one sided. Let me remind everyone that Piper was the first witch to attack. Not Christy, who was raised by demons; not Billie… Piper! But of course the sisters stand there all self-righteous and Piper is actually the worst of the three. So nobody has really learned anything. Like I said with Phoebe- status quo.
Chris and Wyatt are back. Patty has stayed at Victor’s, presumably to have a complete freakin’ breakdown at the prospect of getting divorced and dying before she makes it to 30, but who cares about that right?
Oh no. It’s here. The scene I’ve been dreading. Urgh, do I have to? Okay, deep breaths. I’m at 30 minutes, I can do this… right then…
Then Phoebe summons StoopidCoopid just by thinking of him, “because they’re like one”.
Brad Kern appears in front of me in a burst of flame. He’s holding a baseball bat. He proceeds to bash me over the head with it countless time while screaming “Love is Phoebe’s true power!!!!!!!” Once I have lost consciousness and my face it totally mangled, he teleports back out.
I’m about to continue typing, but then Brad suddenly reappears with his bat. He bludgeons me a few more times screaming “…And Oh My Goddess was a brilliant two parter!!!!!” I don’t think I’m going to make it; it’s too much. As my heart begins to give in, a light blazes through the room. Is that? It can’t be? Brad’s bat is thrown across the room and he freezes in place. Prue and Melinda Warren help me come to. “Don’t worry, the show will be done in ten minutes,” Prue assures me. “We won’t let him hurt anyone else; but you have to finish it Nathan,” Melinda encourages. I nod. They grab Kern by the scruff of his neck and teleport to parts unknown in a cloud of twinkling lights. I find my wounds have been completely healed. I look up. “Thank you, both of you.”
Right, so StoopidCoopid was sent for Phoebe, let’s do this….
First off, The Elders hoped Phoebe would fall in love with a cupid because it was the only way to make it up to her? What? Not only is it ridiculous to think of the Elders giving a hoot about Phoebe’s love life, why of these three sisters is Phoebe the one who they feel bad about? Piper was the one they threatened with “unspeakable wrath”, Paige is the one who was given up at birth in part due to their rules… what the hell have they done to Phoebe? Phoebe is the one who dated two demons and The Elders apparently had no issue with it whatsoever! Phoebe was the one who became queen of the Underworld and again, the Elders had nothing to say about it. So why on earth is Phoebe the one who apparently deserves their special treatment?
Secondly…. Here we go. EVERYTHING SHE SACRIFICED?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Nwdehdheyuhdyshhnssjwujdudhjuhduhudihwudhjnjansansnhadshdbhbdh!!!!!!!!!!!
What is that exactly, hm? You’re lucky if Phoebe cancels a nail appointment to stop an apocalypse! She has spent the last few years constantly neglecting and abandoning stuff for her dates, for her baby hunt, for her column and you’re seriously going to tell me that she sacrificed so much that she deserved a reward? Piper lost Leo again this year. Paige lost Kyle last year. Why don’t they get something? And you know what writers, quit absolving Phoebe of all responsibility, okay? Phoebe’s relationships don’t fail because she sacrifices so much, or because destiny dealt her a crappy hand or whatever…. Her relationships fail because she is a self-involved, immature, superficial, murderous, sexist, lying, hag of a woman and that is what you made her! So screw you, screw you all, for telling me after all that sh!t that Phoebe is some self-sacrificial saint who deserves special treatment from the higher powers. Shove it up your deluded a$$es!
DullPain and Christy teleport to The Past Three Ghostly Stooges and Past-DullPain. Billie projects herself and the sisters back at the same time and they vanquish The Three Ghostly Stooges with potions (because it’s that easy). Then Piper blows up both versions of DullPain.
Chrisy is left; furious at her sister’s betrayal. Can she be saved? Meh, who cares? She throws a fireball, Billie reflects it and Christy is dead. Could have easily moved that fireball elsewhere, but whatever. Now that all her family is dead, Billie breaks down in tears on the floor. She sounds like a warthog giving birth.
Wait, won’t there be a Past-Christy wandering around? So she won’t actually be dead will she? I mean they just displayed that right here. Piper had to kill Past-DullPain, as well as time travelling DullPain, or else it would be null and void. It’s like in “Three Faces of Phoebe”… old Phoebe died, it didn’t kill the Phoebe of that time frame (sadly). Of course I’m thinking more than any of these hacks will have done, so as far as they’re concerned, Christy is dead.
What a piss poor finale.
So basically, in the end, the day was saved not by The Charmed Ones, but by Billie and cupids.
FutureWyatt now has his powers back; which never should have been an issue, but whatever. The Denise and Leo appear and it’s all very happy, happy, happy, huggy, laughy, bla, bla. I hate you all so feckin’ much!!!
Oh, and we just have time to hear about how cool Patty is with the death of her first born child.
Aww, well thank goodness for that. For a moment I thought Patty was going to get all weepy over the death of her child and then that’d cut into all the awesome stuff we’re going to get in these last five minutes.
As far as “honouring Prue” goes… I think Prue is in heaven at this moment, having a cocktail with Melinda Warren, flipping the bird to her hideous sisters and thanking her lucky stars that they won’t be joining them.
Here we go. The last leg. The flashforward. Urgh…
Start with the most important; Phoebe:
She marries StoopidCoop. The wedding is officiated by The Denise of Destiny; because as we all know; Phoebe’s love life is the most important thing in the universe.
Then we see her in labour with her third of three daughters. Oh and don’t worry about Billie and her slaughtered family, because she gets to babysit Phoebe’s kids! Aww, so she’ll be okay after all.
Finally, we see Phoebe has written a book. “Finding Love”. Pahahahahahaha!!! Seriously? We just established that she only found love because of contrivance and extremely out of character Elders. If ever I became an advocate for book burning, it’d be when Phoebe Halliwell got published!
Paige:
She and Henry have a boy and twin girls. You seeing a subtle pattern yet?
Unsurprisingly, Paige is the one sister who will actually help innocents in the future.
And well… that’s about it. Gee, I was really excited to hear if she ever found enlightenment.
Piper:
Piper gives lunchboxes to two boys and a girl.
We then see future Chris and Wyatt making a potion.
Piper has remembered she likes cooking and is in the kitchen. She says she opened the restaurant she’d always dreamed of owning.
Leo is back at Notwarts because they finally decided to get it back. A kid orbs a book, because whitelighter-witches are just so in right now.
We then cut to elderly Piper with her granddaughter next to her, reading from The Book of Shadows. We get far too clear a look at the book and can see that it’s actually open at the love spell page. Elderly Piper goes upstairs with Elderly Leo.
We have a photo montage as they go upstairs. Most of them were taken this episode it seems.
In order, we have photos of: Little Wyatt, Little Wyatt and Chris, Piper and Leo’s wedding, Grams, Patty reading with a little girl (Piper I think), Leo with little Wyatt and Chris, adult Wyatt and Chris, 70s Victor and Patty…
…and finally a photo of our three leads: Screechy McWhinealot, Ms. B!tchTwitch and PhoeMe Hag-i-Hell. You can see the evil in their smiles. Good riddance, you soulless freak show!
One thing I will say is that the music in this scene is quite nice. I might be wrong, but I think it’s a newer version of what was used in P3H20 when Sam goes into the afterlife with Patty.
About 10,000 kids run into the Manor and the girl telekinetically shuts the door. We pan out of the house, a triquetra blazes on the screen and we’re out.
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Phew. Well, it’s done. I’m actually amazed that that was the length of a standard episode, because boy it felt longer. I guess I’m at least thankful that this wasn’t feature-length. Yes, it was as bad as I remembered, in fact it was worse.
I’m very happy to say goodbye to season 8 and I can confidently say that I will never watch it again. However, this won’t be my last Charmed review. There are still 5 seasons and two comic series that I haven’t done. So stay tuned.
Thank you for reading.
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Post by Astral Vision on May 9, 2016 13:13:01 GMT -5
As ever, that was a great read, Nathan. Thank you for going through the terrible season eight for us. It has been hilarious. And I look forward to when you return to your season one rewatch reviews/recaps. |
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Post by Deleted on May 9, 2016 13:22:35 GMT -5
Paige? Who dat!? Of course, this had to be done, because Rose and Alyssa were not there. Rose had to film scenes for Grindhouse and Alyssa had family issues to deal with, so both Paige and Phoebe had to be temporarily written out. No one should have walked away from that explosion. Piper and Billie, despite their powers, are still humans, and an explosion would kill them just like it would kill us. They really loaded Billie up with the powers, didn't they. They really wanted this spin off about her. Thankfully, the collapse of the WB put the kibosh on that, and Kaley Couco went on to bigger and better things. Logic doesn't exist on this show, remember. The time line? F*ck it! I'm Piper, dammit! I guess that, by the time they knew Brian was coming back, it was too late. Not that he could save this episode, either way, mind you.  The ring is clearly as clueless as its owner. Hurry back, Rose and Alyssa. We can only pad this piece of turd out so far. Which falls flat considering that Grams was shown casually chatting with Patty's ghost in Pre-Witched. Grams should have just asked what brought Patty back from the Spirit World. But I'm being logical here, and Kern is allergic to that. My brain hurts! Yep, gotta shove the whole Halliwell clan in somehow, except Prue, of course. Can't have that! They really dropped the ball on Christy, didn't that. Oh well, at least I got a good Rex and Hannah story out of it. This whole episode seems to have been written in a big rush. My theory is that Paramount was going to boot them off the lot after a certain date, so they didn't have time to properly think the plot through. Where's the Doctor when you need him? Makes you want to bang your head against the wall, doesn't it. The only good character to come out the debacle of Season Eight, and he got shafted. I liked Henry. Phoebe becoming someone who cares for others, rather than herself. Nope, we can't have that, can we. The later season Charmed Ones, the Lords And Masters Of Creation. Bow down, peasants. They're NEVER wrong. It's clear that the writers had Phoebe favouratism going on here. As to why, your guess is as good as mine. Piper and Paige had the same trials and tribulations, but they get nothing? Why not? Or maybe it's because they already had their true loves and didn't need a handout from the Elders. Oh, and if they wanted Phoebe to fall in love, for God's knows why, why not spring Kira from the Wasteland and pair her up with Phoebe? Phoebe had way more chemistry with Kira than she did with Mr. Cardboard. I guess hiring Charisma Carpenter back was beyond their budget means (mind you, that didn't stop them from stuffing in all those pointless guest stars all season long). Yes, she could, if they had a competent writing staff. But that's clearly not going to happen here. That was cringe worthy. Kaley, stay in comedy, okay, you're much better off there (as Big Bang Theory has demonstrated). If only we had competent writers... One can understand why Shannen passed on this rubbish script. Must we? Phoebe's book should be in the Horror Fiction section. At least one of the sisters still cares about Innocents. Yeah, i see the pattern. A woman can never be happy unless she marries and becomes a breeding machine. This was 2006, right? Sounds more like 1956 to me. Ugh, Mystery Girl. Hard to believe all that grief this pointless character caused. If Piper wanted a restaurant the whole time, why only now does she remember it. Because the show is ending, the WB is dying, so they can't meddle anymore and force the Current Hot Band to appear on the show. That whole flash forward could have been cut, and nothing meaningful would be missing. So everything we've seen over the last eight years could be nothing more than the ramblings of a demented old woman? Ugh, the Brood Of Brats. Here's a story, about a lovely lady... And since location shooting was out of the question, because of the butchered budget, this was just stock footage from Witch Way Now, with the Angel Of Destiny digitally removed. What cheap way to end. You sure took one for the team here, my friend. Now, go watch Season One. You've earned it. |
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Post by adzpower on May 9, 2016 13:56:53 GMT -5
Brad Kern appears in front of me in a burst of flame. He’s holding a baseball bat. He proceeds to bash me over the head with it countless time while screaming “Love is Phoebe’s true power!!!!!!!” Once I have lost consciousness and my face it totally mangled, he teleports back out.
I’m about to continue typing, but then Brad suddenly reappears with his bat. He bludgeons me a few more times screaming “…And Oh My Goddess was a brilliant two parter!!!!!” I don’t think I’m going to make it; it’s too much. As my heart begins to give in, a light blazes through the room. Is that? It can’t be? Brad’s bat is thrown across the room and he freezes in place. Prue and Melinda Warren help me come to. “Don’t worry, the show will be done in ten minutes,” Prue assures me. “We won’t let him hurt anyone else; but you have to finish it Nathan,” Melinda encourages. I nod. They grab Kern by the scruff of his neck and teleport to parts unknown in a cloud of twinkling lights. I find my wounds have been completely healed. I look up. “Thank you, both of you.”
P3nathan this passage had me on the floor in hysterics, you can just imagine Brad Kern in his living room, a bottle of scotch in one hand, and in the other a remote control to play through his run of Charmed repeating to himself out loud, "It was good, it was good".
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Post by magena on May 9, 2016 14:22:41 GMT -5
I feel quite uncomfortable: there are several episodes of the eighth season that I liked
Have I to feel stupid?
Or is it better if I leave the board?
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Post by adzpower on May 9, 2016 14:43:32 GMT -5
I feel quite uncomfortable: there are several episodes of the eighth season that I liked Have I to feel stupid? Or is it better if I leave the board? Of course not! Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Life would be boring otherwise. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 9, 2016 16:15:14 GMT -5
I feel quite uncomfortable: there are several episodes of the eighth season that I liked Have I to feel stupid? Or is it better if I leave the board? I'm happy for anyone who was able to find enjoyment in season 8 where I couldn't. I don't make personal attacks and have never claimed that anyone is stupid for disagreeing with me or enjoying something that I don't. I'm just a viewer like anyone else. ---------- Thank you to everyone for the responses, I'm looking forward to providing further posts. I will be going back to my long lost season 1 thread, I believe I was on episode 3. Might do a double bill to get the ball rolling. So that'll be "Thank You For Not Morphing" and "Dead Man Dating" (can't wait for the latter). |
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Esmeralda
Charmed
S2 "What If...?"
Fan Fic Winner
Twenty Years Gone....But Never Forgotten.
Posts: 21,920 
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Post by Esmeralda on May 9, 2016 17:46:50 GMT -5
I feel quite uncomfortable: there are several episodes of the eighth season that I liked Have I to feel stupid? Or is it better if I leave the board? I'm happy for anyone who was able to find enjoyment in season 8 where I couldn't. I don't make personal attacks and have never claimed that anyone is stupid for disagreeing with me or enjoying something that I don't. I'm just a viewer like anyone else. I agree totally with everyone else. If everyone agreed on everything to do with Charmed, the threads would be very short and very boring, and this board would probably just have a few members who agree with each other and that's it. Discussions are lively when members can discuss their opinions without making others feel stupid. After all, we all have different backgrounds, no matter if they come from Real Life or TV or books or movies or online or whatever, and that colors our opinion - and that's the point - everything here is opinion, not fact, so no one is right; no one is wrong; we're just all different, which is what makes the world go 'round. I've always had contrarian views to most fans, but that never made me feel stupid. It just made me want to explain why I felt the way I felt, usually using quotes from the show to show why I had those opinions, and I've had a blast when other fans do the same thing in reverse. Sometimes they make me change my mind; sometimes I make them change theirs; sometimes we simply agree to disagree, but that's all part of the fun of being part of the forum. Now if anybody makes you feel stupid here, you have three choices: 1. Consider the source. if the person makes you feel that way too often because they attack you for your opinion rather than discuss their own, block them. It's one of the reasons why that function exists. 2. Write a post that says why you feel the way you do - like in this case - which S8 episodes did you enjoy, and why? You may find a number of people who will agree with you. If they don't and attack you, block them. If they don't and discuss why they don't, then consider their reasons. If they ring true for you, you have a different way of looking at Charmed. If they don't, don't worry about it - either reply back and tell why you disagree (without attacking them) or just go to a different thread - maybe even start your own "The Pro-Season Eight Thread". My own contrarian views regarding Wyatt and Chris that got many members to change their minds and agree with me is why such a pro thread for them has been started - something I take as a huge compliment, remembering that I was the only one on the site who felt that way during S6 - I didn't succeed in doing that by trying to make the people who did like those two feel stupid. Discuss what you like about S8 and someday people may be doing 'The Anti-Season Eight Thread" and you can take it as a huge compliment. 3. Decide if maybe you're too sensitive to be able to discuss stuff with people whose opinions don't agree with yours and decide to leave. I definitely hope that's not your choice, but it might be what's best for you. Just remember - it's totally up to you! We're not making you feel that way - you're letting yourself feel that way. |
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Esmeralda
Charmed
S2 "What If...?"
Fan Fic Winner
Twenty Years Gone....But Never Forgotten.
Posts: 21,920
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Post by Esmeralda on May 9, 2016 19:35:44 GMT -5
P3Nathan, I'm truly sorry to see this thread end - it's been SUCH fun! Thanks again for putting yourself through the torture of watching it and letting us "watch it without having to watch it".
So are you going to continue Season One or start on Season Nine? Although neither will probably be as funny as your S6-8 ones, I'm sure they'll be a great relief for you.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 10, 2016 0:24:14 GMT -5
IMO, he should resume his Season One reviews. He'll probably enjoy reviewing Charmed when most consider it was actually good.
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Post by sol on May 10, 2016 1:30:01 GMT -5
I feel quite uncomfortable: there are several episodes of the eighth season that I liked Have I to feel stupid? Or is it better if I leave the board? I don't like the mockery too, so I shoot a glance from time to time, I prefer a lively debate to mockery Don't read what hurts yours feelings and propose themes that you'ld like to talk about, as Es suggested And don't leave! If those who love all the 8 season run away, this board' ld be very impoverished |
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Post by yinsoul on May 10, 2016 5:55:47 GMT -5
Well you hear people mock the show's later seasons a lot but it's not just to be mean about it. I know I point out things because I loved the show and know it could have been so much more and even more fondly remembered if they hadn't fallen prey to so much executive meddling. I sense the loss of potential in a show that meant a lot to me, and watching characters I once enjoyed devolve into dislikable caricatures of themselves was painful. If I didn't care about Charmed, I wouldn't be here at all. But I still like it and there are episodes of every season I can wrinkle my nose at, or enjoy for what they are. No one's going to throw anyone out for looking at things differently, and there's always the opportunity to start a topic that is more positively flavored. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 10, 2016 9:42:22 GMT -5
I do purposely make some of these reviews on the extreme side for entertainment value, but my opinions are just that; my own... and I don't expect everyone to agree, nor have I ever had a problem with anyone who doesn't. I'm not the kind of person who can't get along with someone because I happen to have different views. I am critiquing a show I used my free time to rewatch and I have every right to do so.
If anyone wants to disagree and/or debate, I'm not stopping them. Although I would like to point out that while I openly dislike season 8 and make no apologies for it, I haven't been 100% negative. I've enjoyed Paige and Henry's relationship and I've sided with Billie on quite a few occasions where many fans completely despise her.
However, one thing I can tell you for certain is that I won't be accepting responsibility for anyone who chooses to leave after reading my thread. There isn't a rule on this board that makes reading my stuff mandatory. Everyone is free to come and go as they please, to read what they want and avoid what they don't... so what each user decides to do is their prerogative. If me mocking an episode somehow translates as a personal attack worth quitting the whole thread over; that's their choice.
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Anyway, anyway, anyway, as for future reviews. I'll probably do reviews for season 1 and the season 9 comic series. My season 1 reviews will probably be a tad shorter, so I'll be able to do more double-bills. The comics will be very easy to do alongside, since it doesn't take long at all to read an issue.
Once I'm done with the season 9 comics (if I decide to do season 10 at some point, it won't be until the season is over), I might do either season 4 or 5 alongside whichever early season I'm on at that point. I know I said I wouldn't do season 5, but then I remembered that I'm a completest.
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Post by Deleted on May 10, 2016 10:39:28 GMT -5
This discussion is a big reason why the board changes couldn't come soon enough. We really do need special pro/anti areas, especially for seasons, characters, and storylines that aren't exactly popular. Fans of Season 8 should have their own safe space, even if I myself would never step foot in it.
As for P3Nathan, I really enjoyed reading your Season 8 reviews. Always cracked me up and very on point.
Glad to see that your easing your pain by rewatching Season 1, although the reviews probably won't be as funny. There's simply less to criticize there.
Are you eventually going to do Seasons 2-5?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 10, 2016 11:49:20 GMT -5
You're not alone here, my friend.
I think that the reason S8 turned out so bad was because it was a season that nobody wanted. As I have said, S8 only existed by default, the WB needed to fill a hole in its schedule, since all its new shows for the 2004-05 season bombed and got cancelled.
The idea that S8 was made because the fans demanded it is just laughable.
Yeah, you deserve now to watch Charmed when it was actually good.
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Post by Deleted on May 10, 2016 12:06:43 GMT -5
Yeah, you deserve now to watch Charmed when it was actually good. I am actually really looking forward to going back to season 1 now. Especially since Dead Man Dating is coming up and that's one my favourites. Are you eventually going to do Seasons 2-5? I think so, yes. Originally I was going to skip season 5 so that I could end with "Witch Way Now", but I can't leave just one season un-recapped. Besides, if I can do season 8, I can certainly do season 5. |
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