CHARMED: FATE REWRITTEN 1x01: The Gloves are Off

[StoryGirl83]

I wanted to thank everyone who has or will read this, especially those of you who have taken the time to post a review.

Dylan, it was really interesting to see what you thought of each of the various chapters, especially since you did a good job of pointing out specifics and asking questions about the things we changed.

Yoda, it was good to see what you thought of the teaser. I hope to hear what you think of the rest of the story.

Marienomad, it was likewise interesting to see what you thought of the story to that point. I hope to see what you think of the last act.

AstralEcho, I am curious to see what you think of the episode.

And thank you so much to my coauthor, Es, and to our awesome betas, Primrose and SilverStar.

[yodajmdod]

It was simply amazing! I loved it so much My week has been very demanding so I am sorry it took me this long to read it but its like when the show was on I got to go into the world of charmed and forget about the stress in my life ;D, Very Talent writers

[Esmeralda]

Thank you so very much, Yoda! We're so glad that it helped you do what Charmed always helpd me do--for that hour, forget about my problems in Real Life and just enjoy immersing myself in the world of Charmed. What a perfect compliment! Thanks again.

[Astral Echo]

Alright, time to write my review, I think. You've been waiting long enough. So, the premise is extremely exciting, showing us how the show could've been done, this is how good television is made. But afterwards, I couldn't help but feel a little disappointed.

Natalie's dialogue no longer fits, it's out of context and without Piper counteracting her strictness with her humour, it all fell a little flat. Natalie is one of my favourite guest starring characters and I always felt she was wasted. You did portray Natalie quite well but I can't help but hate your version, she's all about rules, Natalie was all about protecting the innocent and doing your job. Not orbing while an innocent is in danger is ridiculous, the whitelighters job is guide and assist, not guide but hinder! A whitelighter should be able to orb their charges if it's part of the job, just like a company car but I do agree with the pointless, unjob related orbing side of the argument.

However my biggest problem with this is the Elders keeping Piper captive. At this point in the show, while we are meant to fear the mysterious Elders, they're not conceived as "evil" beings as they are later shown (and portrayed here). I think you've allowed your opinion of the Elders that you saw later in the show, to create the Elders that you are creating here. This is set in S3, not S6/7. At this stage, the Elders are about the greater good, your Elders clearly aren't, your Elders are no better or no different to Kerns. (Which I know you hate.) Not allowing Piper to her "job" is wrong, it's not serving the greater and it's putting the Charmed Ones in jeopardy, something the early Elders didn't do. Infact the early Elders didn't really play with the sisters lives at all, it's Leo who should pay the price, they're his bosses not the sisters. The whole situation seems like a plot device, a bad one at that.

Don't get me wrong, I like the story and I do like the episode. But the portrayal of the Elders and the captivity of Piper are bad moves. You can make the story work without taking Piper too, infact it would almost be more painful, having Natalie do a job that her boyfriend should be doing. While we have already seen something similar from the episode, you shouldn't of done it like this just to be different.

Positives. The actual characterization of Leo and the sisters is very well done, I can picture everything they are saying and doing and while I don't agree with Piper's absence, how you are making lines fit the other two sisters does work effectively. Cole's plot is interesting and I'm intrigued by the importance of the Demonic Council. Also while I don't like it, the scenes with Wyatt and Ben are good but I just feel they are slightly pointless; I don't want to know about the future, I want to know about the present. Besides the "and this our life" technique has been done to death!

[Esmeralda]

Thanks for the review, Astral Echo.

Please keep in mind that this is an alternate universe series and it's not trying to do things better, just different. A lot of this episode (and the next couple) was inspired by the following conversation from the original which we adapted:

Prue: Oh, right. Uh, I’ll call the gas company first thing. I will be so glad when Piper gets back.

Phoebe: What if she doesn’t? (A phone rings.)

Prue: Uh, that’s my fax. (She goes to get it.) Doesn’t what? (Phoebe puts her purse on.)
Phoebe: Wh-what if she doesn’t come back? (Prue picks up the Book of Shadows.) I mean, what if when her and Leo orbed out, it was for good?

Prue: Phoebe, that is ridiculous. (Prue leaves. Phoebe follows.)
Phoebe: No Prue. It’s not ridiculous. Think about it. We have not heard from her in a month. And that’s not like her.

Prue: All right. Look, Piper is not going to just ditch us, okay? We’re her sisters and neither is Leo. He’s our white-lighter too.

(They get to the second floor.)

Phoebe: Then why hasn’t she contacted us? I mean, she has to know that we’re worried about her. She also has to know that she’s left us one sister short in the power of three. (They walk downstairs.) So, while she is up romping around the clouds with Leo, we’ve got our wiccan butts flapping around in the wind here. I mean, we are very lucky, Prue, that we have not been attacked yet.

(Prue stops at the end of the stairs.)

Prue: No. It has absolutely nothing to do with luck. The triad is up to something. We just don’t know what it is yet.
Phoebe: That’s exactly my point. Piper knows this. So where the hell is she?

Prue: Well, that’s why I’ve been studying the book.

Phoebe: Prue, studying the book is not going to do it. We’re screwed without Piper and you know this. Why aren’t you worried?

Prue: I am worried. Alright? I am scared that you’re right, that we’re never going to see her again, and not because she doesn’t want to come back, but because they won’t let her. Because she broke one too many rules.

We agree--they had, and they kept breaking more and more rules during Kern's reign. So what if indeed They (and as I explained earlier, since the sisters never called the Elders anything but They or Them during the first two seasons, neither will we) decided to teach them (and the other sisters) a lesson before they had to go against their most difficult enemy--The Source and his Demonic Council? And how better than to keep Piper and Leo trapped in this "Heavenly Waiting Room" while sending their most strictest, by-the-rules Whitelighter to the sisters?

Obviously you were the only one who didn't like the way we portrayed Natalie, since the others also laughed at our favorite parts from "Blinded by the Whitelighter" and didn't find it flat--with what was going on at the time, we didn't feel it needed the humor you talked about, that the tension was better. The "By the Rules" part of Natalie's personality was what we liked best about her, so we've taken that part of her personality and ran with it, and we're finding it fun to see who will explode first--her or one of the Charmed Ones--we're betting on Piper, even if she is only watching!

We knew that by changing theses character and using our own fanon that some Charmed viewers would like it and would want to keep reading while some wouldn't. It's part of our reason for airing our pilot. If enough people didn't like what we were doing, then we'd have to change what we are doing. But since so far you were the only one who read it and didn't like what we are doing, I'd say that we are on the right track and will continue this plotline.

Of course, if others agree with you, or if there's other things that they don't like and would stop them from continuing to read the rest of the series (which we assume you'll do, Astral Echo, since you hate our ideas so much--I know that's what I do when I find an alternate-universe site or fic or virtual series whose premise I very simply can't accept) we hope they feel free to say so--we would really like to know if we're on the right track and if others would like to continue to "watch" our alternate-universe series.

Naturally we're glad that you liked the way that the sisters are portrayed, Astral Echo, and that you could see them acting the way they do, even if you don't like the situation they're put in. Like when Dylan said that we have a talent for presenting the material so that the reader could really visualize it, that's our favorite compliment.

As for the Ben/Wyatt scene, you might very well be right that such things are overdone, and you can rest assured that there won't be a lot of those type scenes. We wanted to asssure potential viewers that virtual Drew and virtual Wes would be part of the series (and as virtual, it means we can pretend that they are much better actors, just like virtual Rose as Paige) and because it was a good way to go from the best scene we've written so far (the rewrite of All Hell Breaks Loose)--besides showing that Paige will indeed be part of it--to our actual episode. Besides, we thought it made the perfect teaser--teasing things to come.

But I'm first to admit that we might have been wrong.

Here's the way we were originally going to begin our series. Perhaps you and others will think that it's the way our series *should* start. After all, this is just a pilot and does not necessarily have to be our series premiere:

CHARMED: Fate Rewritten
1x01, "The Gloves are Off"
Series Premiere

TEASER

NARRATOR SHANNEN DOHERTY (V.O.)
Previously on CHARMED, The Original Series ...

[Scenes from CHARMED 1x01: SOMETHING WICCA THIS WAY COMES:]

FADE IN:

INT: HALLIWELL MANOR - ATTIC - NIGHT

PHOEBE Halliwell is reading from THE BOOK OF SHADOWS:

PHOEBE:
(reading)
In this night and in this hour,
I call upon the ancient power,
Bring your powers to we sisters three,
We want the power,
Give us the power."

QUICK CUT TO:

EXT. HALLIWELL MANOR - FRONT STEPS - MORNING

Phoebe and PIPER Halliwell are sitting on the steps.

PHOEBE:
Before Melinda was burned at the stake, she vowed that each generation of Warren witches would become stronger and stronger, culminating in the arrival of three sisters.

Piper and Phoebe walk to Piper's car.

PHOEBE (cont):
Now, these sisters would be the most powerful witches the world has ever known. They're good witches and I think we're those sisters.

QUICK CUT TO:

EXT. HALLIWELL MANOR - FRONT STEPS

Phoebe is watching as Piper gets in her car.

PHOEBE:
We're the protectors of the innocent. We're known as The Charmed Ones.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. PHARMACY - DAY

Phoebe and PRUE Halliwell are walking down the aisle of the pharmacy. Boxes of medicine bottles are scattered all over. Prue looks upset.

PHOEBE:
He's always been a major button pusher for you. You're mad he's alive, you're mad I tried to find him, and you're mad I came back. Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad!

All the boxes of medicines FLY OFF THE SHELVES.

PHOEBE:
Feel better?

PRUE:
Much.

QUICK CUT TO:

EXT. PHARMACY - EVENING

Prue and Phoebe are walking down the road towards Prue's car.

PHOEBE:
Actually, a witch can be either good or evil. A good witch follows the wiccan rede. "An it harm none, do what ye will." A bad witch or a warlock has but one goal: to kill good witches and retain their powers.

QUICK CUT TO:

INT. HALLIWELL MANOR - ATTIC - NIGHT

A circle of fire surrounds The Charmed Ones. JEREMY glares at them. Prue takes her sisters' hands.

PRUE:
Come on, we gotta say it together.

THE CHARMED ONES:
(chanting)
The Power of Three shall set us free.

The Charmed Ones continue the chant over and over. Then a STRONG WIND BLOWS around them. They keep chanting.

JEREMY:
I am not the only one! I am one of millions! In places you can't even imagine! In forms you would never believe! We are hell on earth!

Jeremy EXPLODES and DISAPPEARS.

PRUE:
The Power of Three.

DISSOLVE TO:

[Scene from CHARMED Episode 1x03: THANK YOU FOR NOT MORPHING]

INT. HALLIWELL MANOR - BASE OF STAIRS

Prue, Piper and Phoebe are talking with their father when he was known as VICTOR Jones:

PHOEBE:
I thought you didn't want us to use our magic.

VICTOR:
I didn't. Not as long as I still thought of you as my little girls. But you're obviously not anymore.

DISSOLVE TO:

[Scene from CHARMED Episode 1X09: THE WITCH IS BACK]

INT. HALLIWELL MANOR - DINING ROOM

Prue, Piper and Phoebe are sitting around the dining room table with their ancestor MELINDA Warren.

MELINDA:
I had a daughter. Her name was Prudence. She meant everything to me. If I had used my powers, I would’ve proven Matthew’s charge and Prudence would’ve burned too. So I thought, I’ll accept this and pray some kind soul will take pity on my daughter and raise her in a safe home. Only then could the Warren line continue. And it must’ve worked because here you are.

DISSOLVE TO:

[Scene from CHARMED Episode 1x16: SECRETS AND GUYS]

INT. HALLIWELL MANOR - PARLOR

Leo and Phoebe are talking together, Phoebe holding a cup of tea.

PHOEBE:
I mean up until today, I thought you were a handyman, and now I find out that you’re a...

LEO:
Whitelighter.

PHOEBE:
A whitelighter. What exactly is a whitelighter?

LEO:
Well, we’re really just messengers. Guides.

DISSOLVE TO:

[Scene from CHARMED Episode 1x22: DÉJÀ VU ALL OVER AGAIN]

EXT. "THE OTHER SIDE" - DAY

Prue and ANDY Trudeau are sitting on a swing, surrounded by fog. Prue is crying.

PRUE
I don't wanna lose you.

ANDY:
Don't worry. You won't.

Prue and Andy kiss.

ANDY:
I'll always be there for you, Prue.

He disappears.

DISSOLVE TO:

[Scenes from CHARMED Episode 2x02: MORALITY BITES]

INT. HALLIWELL MANOR - FOYER

A blonde Prue and an older-looking Piper are talking.

PRUE:
You are married?

PIPER:
Was. My daughter is on her way...

PRUE:
Wait. Stop right there. You have a daughter?

[/right]QUICK CUT TO:[/right]INT. HOBART PRISON - EXECUTION CHAMBER

A long-haired Phoebe is crying as she talks to her sisters, who are also beginning to cry.

PHOEBE:
Wrong things done for the right reason are still wrong. Our job is to protect the innocent, not punish the guilty.

DISSOLVE TO:

[Scene from CHARMED Episode 2X08: P3 H20]

EXT. CAMP SKYLARK - BEACH

Prue, Phoebe and SAM Wilder are talking with Piper and Leo.

PIPER:
He loved her.

PRUE:
What? Who loved who? What is she talking about?

LEO:
Sam. We found the letters, Sam.

SAM:
Patty and I…

PIPER:
Fell in love.

DISSOLVE TO:

[Scene from: CHARMED Episode 2x16 MURPHY'S LUCK]

INT. P3 - NIGHTCLUB - DAY

Piper and Leo are kneeling on the floor, picking up straws.

PIPER:
Um, he's-he's going to be...

Piper stands up.

PIPER (cont):
he's going to be very upset when he finds out...
(beat)
you're the one that I really love.

Leo stands up.

LEO:
Yeah?

PIPER:
Yeah.

Leo and Piper kiss.

DISSOLVE TO:

[Scene from CHARMED Episode 2x22: BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WITCH FOR]

INT. HALLIWELL MANOR - FOYER

LEO:
They're calling me, I've gotta go.

PIPER:
Not so fast. If we're ever gonna make this work I think I deserve to know a little bit more about you, don't you think?

LEO:
What do you mean?

PIPER:
I mean, I'm going with you, Leo. I'd like to meet Them.

LEO:
Are you sure?

PIPER:
Positive.

Piper puts her arms around him.

PIPER (cont):
Take me to your leader.

PHOEBE:
Uh, Piper? Wh-wh-whatta?

PIPER:
Don't worry, I'll be back.

Piper and Leo ORB OUT.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. CLOUDY, SMEARY PLACE - ETERNAL DAY

Piper and Leo ORB IN, but rather than ending Up There, they end up in this bright, white, cloudy, smeary place, something like we saw in CHARMED's "3x11: Blinded by the Whitelighter", but it's a room and there is no one around.

Piper looks around, confused.

PIPER
(confused):
This is it?

Leo looks around, also confused.

LEO:
No, it's not. I don't know where we are...

We hear a big, deep sonorous VOICE that echoes all over the place.

VOICE:
(loud, solemn)
Leo Wyatt, you have violated the most sacred of all rules. You have attempted to bring a still-living being Up Here, and worse, it is one of your charges. You have violated the rules one time too many. You and your charge will be held here until We decide what to do regarding your arrogant disregard of the rules.

PIPER:
My sisters!

LEO:
What about my other charges? They might need me!

VOICE:
You both should have thought of that before you attempted to break this most sacred of rules.

OFF Piper and Leo's look of horror, we

BLACKOUT.

END OF TEASER

OPENING CREDITS ROLL.

[/font]

So? You guys are our test audience. What do you think? Which way do you think would make the better way to start our series?

[Astral Echo]

As I said, my biggest problem is THEM holding Piper, which puts the Power of Three at risk, which puts good in a dangerous position, which conforms to the whole character that Kern created for the Elders. Up and till then, they were were THEM, they had no real character, we just knew we should be weary of them.

I was under the assumption that you HATED Kern's Elders, I assumed you'd do it differently.

The new (old) teaser, is good but there are some random points in the previously part, I think it should be more directed at Piper and Leo and alot could of been cut out. But that's up to you.

[Esmeralda]

Prue and Phoebe did just fine with The Power of Two during Season One (without using The Power of Three) and they did just fine with this one, thanks to the help of Natalie (no matter if the sisters think so or not). If all three Charmed Ones were truly needed to access The Power of Three, They would've let her go and will let her go--it wasn't necessary this time, or if it was, it was before They were aware that it was (the attack by Belthazor), and that's when They sent Natalie.

As for Them, no, you've obviously never understood my feelings towards Kern's Elders, because I do believe that ours are the way they would've been had Connie continued and had she used the plotlines used during S3 and S4, which from what we've read, she had plotted out. If it included the Source, the Leader of Evil, then you'd have to have had the Leader of Good be something like Them. The way the Source is the Ultimate Evil; They are the Ultimate Good, no matter if the sisters (or, at this point, the viewers), think so or not, but They are.

They did *not* take Piper and Leo to be petty or mean, as Kern's Elders would've and as they did during Season Seven when they punished Leo for not being on their sisde and then used an unfair test on Leo to take away his wings, and when they were more demonic than the demons, which is when I hated Kern's Elders--I kept expecting him to show that Oden and/or Gideon were truly demons in disguise, because Kern's Elders were more demonic than the demons.

As I said before, it was done to teach them all a very important lesson, one that Kern never had them learn, because he *did* think that the sisters were smarter than the Elders, turning the Elders into laughingstocks. The sisters have only been doing this for two years. They think they know everything. They don't.

Had I been just starting this series now, I would've wanted to do a full alternate unverse series, putting Dylan's ideas into effect when Grams did a better job training the sisters to be The Charmed Ones. But since we love the plotline we've come up with for CHARMED: FATE REWRITTEN, we'll stick with that.

The Elders were supposed to be the Ultimate Good, the Leader of Good and when they weren't as Kern's weren't, that's when I hated them. That won't be the case for ours.

I can guarantee you that you will never see Their faces in our series (only Their voice), nor will the sisters (or any mortal) ever reach Up There while they're still alive (truly, Piper--and later her sisters--should've died from lack of air as soon as she got there--all of the Elders and whitelighters are already dead, a fact that Kern kept forgetting and we won't--there is no oxygen Up There), nor will Piper and Leo be allowed to get married just because they saved The Elders' a$$es, the moment the show jumped the shark in a huge way, the reason why the rest of "Blinded by the Whitelighter" won't be part of our series, since those parts are among my least-favorite parts of the entire series--the parts that led the sisters into thinking that THEY were the Ultimate Good who knew everything and which led them to becoming the Ultimate Evil. They needed Their help, and they'll get it.

As for the flashbacks, you might be right if our show was all about Piper and Leo, which it isn't. It's not about their love story, but about all of the sisters, the reason why we chose the flashbacks we did to introduce our series--each flashback foretells an important part of the entire series.

Okay, guys, now that you know a bit more about our series, would you still be interested in reading it? As I said, you guys are our test audience, so we would truly like your opinion. We already know that Astral Echo won't "watch" it, since he hates everything about it, and we're very curious to see if others feel the same way, since he's the first to not like it, and you learn a lot more about your efforts from what people don't like than what they do.

[Astral Echo]

Oct 19, 2009 8:09:44 GMT -5 Esmeralda said:

Okay, guys, now that you know a bit more about our series, would you still be interested in reading it? As I said, you guys are our test audience, so we would truly like your opinion. We already know that Astral Echo won't "watch" it, since he hates everything about it, and we're very curious to see if others feel the same way, since he's the first to not like it.

I think it's a little petty and narrow minded to assume I won't continue reading simply because I gave a more constructive review than - that's good, more please!

I've loved pretty much everything you've ever written, Es. So don't write me off like just because I don't like the way this is going so far. You might prove me wrong and given you have the chance to, I hope you do and take my critics on board. Rather than critic my critics which is all you've done so far.

[dylan345]

I think the story with the Elders is interesting. We always look for a bad guy in stories, and they may not be evil, but they are an obstacle, one that makes the characters work harder and be smarter against greater odds.

In some episodes of the show, I think how nice it would be if the Elders had remained nameless and gone on to be considered more along the lines of that mysterious power that erased Phoebe's winning lottery numbers when she cheated. But then again, if everything were easy for them all the time, and they had no one to fight against or argue with, it doesn't make a very interesting story. Having an enemy like the Elders makes them go against what others have before thought of as impossible. The sisters themselves probably never imagined that a time would come when they would have a blatant distrust and resentment towards the Elders and their rules without suffering the consequences. The fact that they did in season seven shows that you don't always have to blindly look up to authority figures, like the sisters did when they were new to their magic. They completely turned the situation around, becoming their own bosses rather than just accepting what was.

Now, it may seem overboard that Natalie won't do something as harmless as orb them to help an innocent. I don't think so however; Natalie was meant to personify rules, no matter how ridiculous they happen to be to others. She's the typical authority figure you can't relate to yet have to work with anyway.

Astral Echo: I know you're wondering why the writers are seemingly going along the same storylines regarding the Elders as the writers of the show did in the past few seasons. But I think the Elders were always meant to become an obstacle. Ever since season one when we learned that Piper and Leo weren't allowed to be together, that they "broke the rules," there was always some indication that there was something not quite right about them. They presented themselves as too all-knowing and in control very early on in the show, so showing them exercising their control unfairly as early as season three doesn't seem like that big of a deal to me. After all, in season three they did take Leo forcefully away from Piper and made them fight to get each other back.

Apart from the Elder topic, I just wanted to say again that I like the story very much. The most interesting part of it all for me is the fact that Paige is introduced in a new way, and gets to meet all of her sisters.

I also wanted to say that while I don't mind it being in the story at all, the future events are not at the top of my list of things I like. I'm more interested in the past and present rather than the future, personally. But as long as the main focus is in the present, and Paige is involved with all of her sisters, I'll gladly read scenes from Ben and Wyatt's time.

[Astral Echo]

I do understand your point, Dylan, I fully accept that they were meant to be an obstacle but the "kidnapping" of a Charmed One never really rang true to me. That seems to...antagonistic to me, they do what they do for the greater good and punishing Piper in that way doesn't serve that point. It challenges it and while Kern challenged that point, I thought fans generally, mutually agreed that it was done incorrectly. Obstacle, sure. But kidnapping a Charmed One, too far. But I'm not the writer...as long as it doesn't become to big of an arc, I'll happily read.

Like you, I'm excited by the prospect of Paige befriending the sisters. I'm also interested by Cole's new direction and the Demonic Council are extremely intriguing!

[Quadquetra]

Hey guys I was wondering if you were any closer to releasing anymore. I know Es posted something on Shadow Tales but lol I am interested to see more of this series, such as Coles direction since it is drastically different from that of the real s3 and Piper and Leos fate and Natalie and etc lol so any news?

EDIT: Oh and I will review but I want to make sure its still happening or if its being redone or something so i dont review the wrong thing lol

[StoryGirl83]

Hi, Quadquetra. We really appreciate your interest. We are definitely still working on it and we look foward to seeing your review.

[Quadquetra]

Oh I definitely will be reviewing lol so is this episode being rewritten or is this its final format?

[Esmeralda]

There will be a few minor changes here and there, but nothing major in the characters or the plotline, so if you want to review it as it is, go for it - we'd really like to know what you think!