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Post by fallingsnow6136 on Sept 2, 2021 5:11:55 GMT -5
Hello everyone ^^
I was wondering since a lot of the members here are not teenagers this might be the perfect place to seek this out. Not that teenagers are bad - just a big gap so yeah lol. Does anyone else here struggle with anxiety and depression? Social anxiety and PTSD (major depressive symptoms though) for me and I was wondering if anyone else has similar struggles and if we could form a small mental health support group, be it through Discord or Facebook or anything or even just this thread.
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Post by BewitchingBeauties87 on Sept 2, 2021 6:35:46 GMT -5
Great thread. I used to be in denial about struggling with anxiety but as i've gotten older i realized it does no good. In my case it was the death of a parent (a great parent) at a young age which definitely tore a hole in my life. I tried my best to cover over this hole as a kid by playing sports but then, just a few years ago, something just as bad happened, a person really close to me, a beautiful person i knew for years who was like an older sister, committed suicide. That tore open the wound all over again. I started wondering if life even mattered. What was the point of struggling to accomplish anything if it all could be taken away in such cruel fashion.
Unfortunately, as first i had some very unhealthy coping mechanisms with this latest tragedy. I started believing i was cursed, i walked around angry and bitter, i started expecting to die at a young age, too. Needless to say this is the worst thing you can do because it just gives you the bleakest outlook on life. You convince yourself that any activity that was once fun and therapeutic is now unnecessary, since life is not worth living...
Anyway, I have thankfully gotten some help now and i have slowly started coming out of this dark period. I take long walks, i watch Charmed, I drink chamomile tea, do a lot of stretching and deep breathing exercises, i listen to plenty of music and, most importantly, i find humorous things in life which make me smile, all these have contributed to getting my anxiety under better control.
So in closing, my message would be don't let anxiety and depression define who you are. Don't let it consume you. Acknowledge that they exist but remember above all else to live your life to the fullest.
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Post by witch on Sept 2, 2021 7:08:15 GMT -5
A DIFFERENT VIEW BUT:
I struggle with this question every day. Onlookers (people outside my family) say that I seem depressed but truthfully I don't know. I have ALWAYS been the way I am and to me nothing's really changed.
I've NEVER slept well, sleeping most of the day and being awake most of the night. I'm a MASSIVE introvert but have been all my life, I don't like 'hanging out' just for the sake of it and I was NEVER the 'typical teenager.
In saying this however:
Both my mother and father BOTH suffer/suffered from depression and I, therefore, have some understanding of it. It changed my father's life greatly and my mother had two 'mental breakdowns in her life. They both sort out help my mother being somewhat of a test rat when it came to drugs before cutting them out of her life while my father says he doesn't think he could get by without his meds.
As a somewhat 'outsider' I must say I am thankful that the ILLNESS has come more into the light and is no longer the (what's the right word?) taboo that it once seemed to be.
I think it's something everyone should take more time to understand whether you suffer from it yourself or no. I also believe very strongly that EVERYONE suffers from some from of anxiety and/or depression it's just a matter how how much and how badly and therefore I think a support group or at least a safe place to talk about it is VERY needed in everyones lives.
I hope that no one suffers alone and isn't affraid/worried TO talk about it, after all you can't come to understand something you know nothing about.
Hugs to everyone and I hope you are all doing well (even more so in this very trying time)
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Post by BewitchingBeauties87 on Sept 2, 2021 8:13:49 GMT -5
Good luck and thanks for sharing, Witch. Just remember you are not really an outsider, our society, especially parts of popular culture, makes you believe you are not normal unless you are hard partying extrovert, especially when you are a teenager. The truth is the teenage years, and even into your 20's, can be a difficult period for most because you feel completely directionless in life, you need guidance but sometimes you will feel alone with no one to turn to..
Just remember to be strong and don't deny anything about yourself that makes you unique. If you are an introvert be proud of that (unless you are unhappy with that). Also remember a good percentage of people are as well, so everyday you are seeing people just like you.
The truth is life is hard. There's no getting around that fact. I used to walk around thinking i was a martyr, and i was constantly on guard (i still am to some degree) of the next piece of adversity life was going to throw at me. Then, i tried to stop being so self centered and realized EVERYONE suffers tragedy/heartbreak/loss in life, even if it's just the loss of youth or health for people who otherwise live a charmed existence. But life is also good in many ways. So we have the choice of being miserable and self pitying, or we can take every new day as possibility for something good, even if just means doing something nice for a stranger to brighten their/our day, or enjoying something which gives us peace of mind. I've tried both approaches and i can definitely say your quality of life will improve if you focus on the positive things life can offer.
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Post by witch on Sept 2, 2021 8:56:01 GMT -5
I never denied I was an outsider. I celebrated it why would I want to blend in when I was BORN to stand out??? Goddess imagine if we were all the same how boring life would be? I'm glad no two people are alike, even twines.
Yes it does make it sometimes very hard to make friends and that CAN be a downside but as long as I have my fuzzies that work for me and I'm happy either writing or read a book, spending time by myself or (hopefully someday soon) sitting in my favourite tree in our little patch of forest and just letting the world go by.
I think it's mostly that people looking at me never saw me going out much. I NEVER smoked, partied, got drunk etc I'm kind of like my father that way though even he IS more outgoing then I was as a teen and even now.
You ARE right BewitchingBeauties87 everyone DOES go through pain/heartache/loss... it's a reason I HATE answering the phone (but that a whole different issue) The grass ISN'T always greener and you can't judge a book by it's cover... you NEVER know what someones going through.
I am a strong believer that everyone has to be true to themselves and NEVER, EVER apologize for that as long as you are happy. The people who don't like it and think differently I learned long ago you are a lot better without. Sure, it's easier said then done, and yes poeple can and will still hurt you but which would you perfer? Staying stuck in a mold of someone elses making or finding out who you REALLY are?
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Post by BewitchingBeauties87 on Sept 2, 2021 13:23:19 GMT -5
In regards to the outsider thing, that's cool. I just meant no one should ever hang labels on people as being different (with a negative undertone) just because our mass culture dictates that idea. I love the idea of being different too, or weird, in fact i find weird people fascinating. For the most part these people are honest about who they truly are and don't care about living up to anyone's expectations, seeking attention or conforming to society's norms, so just so long as someone isn't hurting anyone else or engaging in anything criminal, more power to them.
And i understand the part about being judged by others and having others draw conclusions about WHO YOU ARE without having the foggiest idea what they are talking about. It happened to me as a teenager as well, for years i kept the death of my Father mostly to myself, peers would ask questions about my family and I would always get overly timid around the topic of my parents. Finally people started drawing crazy conclusions, like "he must have been abused", "he must have been beaten", etc. All along they didn't understand that i just wanted to maintain my privacy. I was very close with my Dad, to the point where he was my best friend as a kid, and i just wasn't ready to share those feelings with anyone. Now i'm in my 30's and i still don't talk about it much, other than with my significant other, and even then our conversations elicit mostly pity from her because of how sad she feels for me (which i don't want) so i usually don't talk about it with her either.
And you are right about being true to yourself and cutting out those control freaks who wants to transform us into something we are not. Unfortunately, this becomes a difficult problem to cope with when the guilty party is a parent (something I had to deal with in the form of my Mother). You have to straddle that fence between loving and respecting your parents and asserting your self worth and independence, a very tricky path to navigate.
Pleasure talking to you about this stuff, Witch. For me writing about this stuff always feels like part of the healing process, and hopefully others see the benefit in that as well. A big hug to you and everyone else on the board, may we all find the pathway to peace in life.
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Post by Melinda Halliwell on Sept 2, 2021 14:30:47 GMT -5
I've never suffered from anxiety or depression but did have low self-esteem as a young adult. Whether that stemmed after my father passed when I was 15 I don't know but subsequent my school sent me to a counsellor because I'd missed some classes of course. The real reason I did that wasn't because of my father but that I had to do horse riding a couple of terms as part of GCSE PE which I didn't like as I kept falling off the horse and 2 I was put into the higher French class having been in the middle one because I got good mock GCSE grade results.
The French work was harder and my teacher spoke so fast I couldn't keep up with her whereas things in the middle class were different of course.
In hindsight, I do wish I'd spoken the truth instead of them thinking that was to do with my father passing.
I did have external help when I was in primary school and the first year of secondary school which got stopped when I did better.
I was held a year back because of it.
After finishing school I was gonna go to college and do computers but chickened out the first day and went home.
The college tried to convince me to stay but I didn't.
This was when I thought my low self-esteem started years later.
I stopped going out with my friends who just came round my house and didn't participate in family gatherings either.
They used me also which mum saw but I didn't though until she stepped in and got rid of them that happened after I wasn't the same probably.
My male friend's attitude was okay when he came round but changed post the other two stopping by after work with them clearly influencing him.
I even considered volunteering at a charity shop but cried my eyes out the night before so I didn't go.
After my nan passed my sister and I had been left some inheritance that I used up before that forced me years later to seek help because I had no more money and so had to work.
The doctor sent me to group therapy sessions to do on self-esteem which I attended.
I furthered that by doing a second course at college where I met my best friend who had the same issue I did as well.
Through them, I learned to drive and got a job which I've done 15 years and qualified in also that was an achievement in itself.
I've never had a relationship or sexual partner before and don't have kids so I wouldn't know what to do if someone was interested in me. I don't even know if I'd want that either yet which frustrates me when people question that obviously. I guess we'll see what happens future-wise then.
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Post by BewitchingBeauties87 on Sept 2, 2021 18:58:08 GMT -5
That's some interesting stuff Melinda. You sound like you could write a good book about your experiences!
I'm guessing self esteem and insecurity issues go hand in hand. Are they the same thing? Probably. I would say i suffer from insecurity issues as well, especially in group settings, as I definitely prefer to come out my shell and share more thoughts with people on a one on one basis. Perhaps you are similar?
Creating a relationship (romantic/platonic) with someone, as you touched on, is also problematic for me. Like most people i value my independence, and the moment you commit yourself to someone that independence is somewhat surrendered. Personally, I also struggled with the idea of forming a romantic relationship for long stretches of my life. When i was teenager my nature was to be cynical, so although i was capable of flirting with girls i was rarely successful in forming a lasting romantic bond. My only serious romantic relationship in High School was a girl who aggressively pursued me, otherwise I might have been a dateless wonder well into my 20's lol.
Later, when i was 24 and alone, I felt so lonely i actually "lowered" myself to praying for someone. Pathetic, i know lol. Whether it be by coincidence or divine intervention, it worked out, and i soon found someone that i could trust. Friendships are still a whole different ballgame for me, though. I have been disappointed more times than i care to recall. I'm someone who can lapse into quiet mode for long stretches of time, so too often i would have these chatty types gravitate towards me, the types that love having a captive audience, so it wasn't a relationship based on equality, instead it was just one person holding court and the other person (me) offering pleasantries and agreeing with everything the other person said lol. I soon tired of that and moved on. Their pride hurt, these "friends" would then accuse me of being a bad friend and rejecting them lol.
Anyway, it was fun chatting with you Melinda. I think I have contributed enough to this thread so I will retire now. Thanks to you and everyone who made this thread so cathartic!
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Post by fallingsnow6136 on Sept 2, 2021 19:11:14 GMT -5
Hey everyone - thanks so much for your responses. And yeah, for me, my depression started after I got out of my abusive relationship, like at least 7-8 months after which was weird but like I said, it was very reminiscent of Phoebe and Cole so yeah. Melinda, I'm sorry about your self-esteem issues, they can be tough to deal with, I know. If you ever need a friend, my message box is always open. I do get the family and children thing. I'm an aromantic asexual person whose not really interested in romance or anything else and desire a QPR more than anything.
I do agree with you as well, BewitchingBeauty, dealing with anxiety doesn't make us any less of people especially if we have people who know and stand by us anyway.
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Post by witch on Sept 2, 2021 23:34:56 GMT -5
Touching on a few subjects from above and shearing a little more of my story:
I to was held back by one of my teachers saying I had to much imagine and that I would never amount to anything. (Yes they actually said this) it was around the 3 grade so of course I had dreams and lived in that world I would hate to know a child (and even an adult) who didn't but they just couldn't seem to handle me or the fact that I wouldn't get my heads out of the clouds. My grandfather and best friend being the one to tell this teacher all but to shove it. (putting it kindly)
My grandfather and I were very close (even being born on the same day.) He being my best friend and one of my only few friends at the time (i only really having two more at this point) I was teased a lot, didn't play sports (i hate them) thus making me very much an outsider that no one seemed to understand but HE did. My father being at work, my mother having her mental break and my brother.... well, leading his own life and being VERY oppisite to me. So when my grandfather died I lost something though I was to young to really know what it was until years later and being so young my parents thought it best that I didn't go to his funral.
My mother was someone else I was pretty close to, the one person I found I could talk to about anything but I lost her in my mid 20's having to slowly waste away and die from an illness called Motor Neurone Disease. The way I found out she had finally passed being the third phone call I had ever gotten saying someone in my family had passed (I don't make phone calls much and really answer the phone but these times I did)
So yea those shaped me in very different ways some saying I was to wound up in losing one and not feeling enough when it came to the other. (Can't win either way) Thus furthering their thoughts that something was wrong with me and not understanding that everyone is different and every loss affects us differently.
AS FOR DATING:
I am now reaching my mid 30's and NEVER dated. I've never found that I wanted to or found someone I thought I myself wanted to go out with but in saying this I do find myself wondering what it would be like as I AM a hopeless romantic and have dreamed since I was very little about my 'perfect guy'
As said above I was teased alot and the few times I was asked out if was from guys I'd never even spoken to making me always wonder if it was some kind of trick, so yea I guess have have anxiety there then there was also a father of a friend who used to corner and kiss me not letting me go that I struggled with for years wondering if that was assault or not. Not really ever telling anyone and seeing him pretty much every day though I tried to stay away. To this day I HATE being cuddled unless I'm the one who starts it (even though friends of the family pull me into bear hugs all the time)
In saying that my greatest desire IS to fall in love though my greatest fear is losing that love so... yea constant loop of some strange kind of rollercoaster there. But I also believe that if you can't be happy via yourself you'll never be happy with someone else.
So yea... Thats some of my story.
I find myself very happy with my life now, though of course there are things I wish I could change (just like everyone in life) and I shear because even if I don't think I'm depressed or suffer from anxiety I think it's good to shear and remind myself: I AM NOT ALONE.
So please remember that: YOU ARE NOT ALONE EITHER.
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Post by fallingsnow6136 on Sept 3, 2021 4:03:55 GMT -5
Thank you so much for sharing and yes, we are not alone. Thank you for your sweet words.
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Post by KristinMarie~ on Aug 27, 2023 1:59:23 GMT -5
YES. I have C-PTSD, severe anxiety and panic disorder as well as major depressive disorder. I have something big kind of happening right now and I am feeling the anxiety even more than usual. I am trying to stave off a panic attack and crying jag because I am just in an incredibly difficult situation. 😢 I know all about the mental health stigma and having depression anxiety majority of my life. It also runs very deep on my Dad's side of the family. I remember being a young child and visiting my Grandma (Dad's Mom) in the hospital during a couple of her stays for depression. The mental health stigma kind of effected my family because there were and are a LOT of family secrets. Several cousins on my Dad's side have problems with anxiety and depression as well.
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Post by goldeneye049 on Aug 27, 2023 3:47:22 GMT -5
YES. I have C-PTSD, severe anxiety and panic disorder as well as major depressive disorder. I have something big kind of happening right now and I am feeling the anxiety even more than usual. I am trying to stave off a panic attack and crying jag because I am just in an incredibly difficult situation. 😢 I know all about the mental health stigma and having depression anxiety majority of my life. It also runs very deep on my Dad's side of the family. I remember being a young child and visiting my Grandma (Dad's Mom) in the hospital during a couple of her stays for depression. The mental health stigma kind of effected my family because there were and are a LOT of family secrets. Several cousins on my Dad's side have problems with anxiety and depression as well. oh no it makes me sad, have you tried emdr? I did and I was enough surprised 😊 |
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Post by goldeneye049 on Aug 27, 2023 3:50:18 GMT -5
Hey everyone - thanks so much for your responses. And yeah, for me, my depression started after I got out of my abusive relationship, like at least 7-8 months after which was weird but like I said, it was very reminiscent of Phoebe and Cole so yeah. Melinda, I'm sorry about your self-esteem issues, they can be tough to deal with, I know. If you ever need a friend, my message box is always open. I do get the family and children thing. I'm an aromantic asexual person whose not really interested in romance or anything else and desire a QPR more than anything. I do agree with you as well, BewitchingBeauty, dealing with anxiety doesn't make us any less of people especially if we have people who know and stand by us anyway. I'm sorry to read all this too, I'm happy that we are a small community around the world. How do you feel now ? |
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Post by goldeneye049 on Aug 27, 2023 3:53:20 GMT -5
It's strange all these similarities! I am someone with an anxious tendency in relation to everyday life, I will try to anticipate to have as little stress as possible and ask myself 1000 questions (boring). I'm mostly nervous and stressed. On the other hand, I have never had an anxiety attack, hyperventilation or anything else. I don't worry about health. Charmed is one of the series in which I have always taken refuge! I love solitude. But sometimes I go out to see friends and go on vacation abroad for 4 weeks a year. My father is a narcissistic pervert and my whole family is destroyed. My childhood was not terrible (thanks Charmed). I am quite rebellious by nature. When you tell everyone you know how a parent behaves and barely a quarter of them believe you, the feeling of helplessness is hard to live with. Me too, I give the impression of being a sad person. It may be true, but above all I have the impression of being "apart" from others, of being misunderstood and not understanding them.
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Post by KristinMarie~ on Aug 28, 2023 17:43:47 GMT -5
I haven't tried EMDR yet. I may need to look into it. I had to stop taking the low dose of medication because it just made me feel dead so to speak. As an empath I rely on being able to feel my way through things and sense things and medication just shut that completely off. I usually go for a drive when I get panicky and overwhelmed. I am fighting for custody and my ex is a narcissist and then some so...I am just trying to take things a day at a time. He is very controlling and likes to use our son as a weapon against me. I wish I could explain more just how bad this is getting and has been the past few years. I feel like I am looking over my shoulder non-stop.
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Post by goldeneye049 on Aug 29, 2023 1:03:43 GMT -5
I'm sorry you had a narcissist. They are toxic and best ignored completely as if they did not exist. Of course, when there is a child, that changes everything. A while ago, all my trauma with my father came back to me so much that I disassociated myself from it. I started with two EMDR exercises. I arrived traumatized and I cried a little. After the exercises were over, I went home and had a normal evening. My brain paused this horrible moment, I can only advise you. I now do two a month to learn to trust myself, to leave the past behind me.
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cyma
Witch
Waiting
Posts: 1,447 
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Post by cyma on Aug 31, 2023 15:35:52 GMT -5
Hello everyone ^^ I was wondering since a lot of the members here are not teenagers this might be the perfect place to seek this out. Not that teenagers are bad - just a big gap so yeah lol. Does anyone else here struggle with anxiety and depression? Social anxiety and PTSD (major depressive symptoms though) for me and I was wondering if anyone else has similar struggles and if we could form a small mental health support group, be it through Discord or Facebook or anything or even just this thread. Great thread. Mental healthcare here is still in infancy and beyond the reach of common folks. Even if you can afford, there's the high risk of shaming, ridicule and judgment from everyone around you for seeking help for what they believe is craziness and non-existent problems. All this and more makes it incredibly important to talk about it. So thank you for starting this. |
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Post by Elle Em on Sept 1, 2023 9:26:22 GMT -5
I've dealt a lot with anxiety and hypersensitivity. I think that's why I enjoy watching Charmed so much, because it's a way to feel a lot of emotions without dealing with them directly.
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Post by Melinda Halliwell on Sept 1, 2023 11:18:51 GMT -5
I understand what you mean.
There are a couple of shows in the UK one being Only Fools and Horses and the other being Mrs. Browns Boys both comedies that are funny to watch and help pick me up sometimes if I'm feeling down so I get how Charmed or other television programmes can help by taking people out of themselves for an hour or so.
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