A Look Over at His Troubled Present (Epilogue)

[mcharmed21]

Author: Celtic Child

by Celtic Child


Well everybody here it is: story number two. I was a little worried after all of the fabulous things that were said about my first story that this one wouldn’t quite live up to the expectations. So I hope I don't disappoint.

I give this story a G-PG13 rating for some adult themes and difficult situations in later chapters. And you may want to read the first one if you haven't already. It helps establish the characters and their motivations better.

So without further ado: A Look Over at His Troubled Present, sequel to A Look Back at His Troubled Future

Commercials now included, enjoy and blessed be.

Synopsis

Chris finds himself running for his life from the single person that he should be able to trust the most. Can he reason with certain death or is it his time to die? Will he tell his family about the lives they had before he changed the future? Would Chris risk damaging his relationship with his family to save himself?

[mcharmed21]

Prologue

Chris ran full out down the street, as an Olympic sprinter might when chased by a heard of stampeding cattle. His heart pumping furiously, sweat raining down his face he glances over his shoulder. There’s nothing there.

But what am I running from then?

He looked away for a split second too long. Hearing the screech of tires, he whips his head around just in time to gaze into the headlights of a black Camry sedan as it hit him. The world gets blindingly bright and then terrifyingly dark. As he lay on the street bleeding, unaware of the driver standing over him, talking hysterically to a 9-1-1 operator he hears a voice.

Death.

“What about it?” his weary mind sighs.

You ran from death. You will run no more.

Chris is tired too tired to fight with the mysterious voice that fills his head. The darkness is not as terrifying now and he starts to drift. He doesn’t hear the paramedics yelling in his ear about his plummeting blood pressure he doesn’t feel anything.

Death is sleep. Sleep well Christopher.

Chris is floating in a world of pastels and soft light. Silence envelops him in a comforting embrace and his death sleep deepens. However he hears a voice, a sweet, gentle voice that he can’t ignore. He does not remember why but he knows he cannot.

“Chris . . . Chris?” Mia shakes his sweaty shoulder, trying to snap him out of the nightmare. He had been having so many lately. She could only thank the gods that Matt was a heavy sleeper.

This time he had fallen asleep reading at his desk and she had heard him yelling from down the hall. He was dead silent now and that scared her more.

Slowly Chris comes to, sides heaving, blinking in the bright afternoon light. He feels like he’s had a near death experience, he doesn’t know just how close he was.

“Who was is this time?” Mia’s eyes probe Chris’s gently as she rubs his back.

He thinks back to the dream, the face he saw behind the wheel of the Camry as it hit him. The face that held those sad, duty filled eyes. Gulping in air like a land bound fish he whispers, “You.”

He twisted and turned in bed unable to reach a comfortable position. He couldn’t figure out what was bothering Mia. Usually she was an open book to him but lately she was the queen of avoidance. Oh, they still talked and hung out but she was careful to never be alone with him. Matt was always there, or Jared, or Seamus. It was as if she was scared of him or something.

Just ask her.

On principle, he didn’t want to. Shouldn’t have to. They had been through hell to save the future and return to it. She had seen him swallowed by rage and paralyzed with fear and she still loved him. They should not be having a communication breakdown like a couple of unhappy mid lifers.

Sensing that Mia was up roaming around, just as unable to sleep as he was, Chris got up from his mangled bed. Not wanting to chance waking Matt whom he shares the room with he forgoes looking for the t-shirt that goes with his sweats, it wasn’t there anyway.

Once he hits the main floor, he sees the office light glowing like a beacon to a lost ship and heads in that direction. Chris found the room empty but the computer screen on and full of words. Not bothering with a thought about invading Mia’s privacy, feeling they’d gone past that--way past that--he seats himself at the desk and begins scrolling down the page. She’s been searching for her family.

You idiot how could you not know she hadn’t found them.

“Hey, I’m not the empath, I can’t read her unless she lets me,” he growls under his breath.

At that moment, a startled Mia walks into the room wearing his missing t-shirt and a little pair of shorts. Recovering quickly, she says, “Talking to yourself hon? Not a good sign.” She banters but her mind is elsewhere.

“You know I won’t be the same person once we go back.”<br>“I know. I’ll be different too.” She had said.
Only they weren’t different, not really. With their old memories still intact, it was like leading a double life Mia often mused. One moment they would be happy, undeniably happy in this peaceful future. Then with one misstep, one incautious move a memory of what it had been would surface and their reality would shatter into a million razor sharp pieces. It would rain down on them, cutting, and tearing, and ripping at their contentment and peace of mind.

It had been three weeks since the night that they had appeared in the future. She had woken in her room full of new memories, feeling as if maybe her previous life was but a dream and wondering desperately where Chris was. She had found him asleep in his room, and thanks to those new memories had known that his brother Matt was over at a friend’s house for the night.

She slipped into his bed, feeling conflicted, they had made love before, and yet they hadn’t, not here. In this future, they were both innocent. Even if that weren’t the case Chris, still had the memories of being hurt in such terrible ways that he couldn’t quite let himself be close with her and she accepted this. So, they just held each other, and she comforted Chris with the promise that she would never let anyone hurt him in that way again.

The pair hadn’t worried that night that they still had their old memories. Chris figured it was just a result of the time jump. Of course, when it had been a week and they were still stuck with two sets of memories, two separate lives in one, they started to get nervous.

They had tried every potion, every spell in the BoS to erase them but none of them worked. She and Chris had been searching the Underworld, Heaven and everywhere in between for answers about their situation but so far had nothing. Now coupled with the fact that Mia didn’t have any family in this time either it was a disconcerting situation.

Moreover, they had to do all of this without any of Chris’s family finding out. Who knew what they’d make of the fact that their oldest son/nephew had been created for the sole purpose of killing his older brother, or that the sisters were all dead in Chris’s previous future? Not to mention how cold and harsh Chris had, had to become in order to survive. If Chris had taught her anything about time travel, it was that it was best to involve as few people as possible.

On top of that, she really didn’t want to hurt the Halliwells; they had been far too good to her. Her new memories had her being adopted by them and growing up surrounded by magick and family, her family Chris and Matt, Phoebe and Derrick’s son Jared and Paige and Jimmy’s son Seamus.

Phoebe had finally settled on a witch, and a good one at that. Paige of all people had married a mortal. Jimmy did well though, and it was good for the family to have someone with a non-magickal perspective in their midst.

Oh, and Chris had always been so good to his younger brother and cousins, painfully good. He was trying to make up for his brother’s death, which he remembers having a part in even though his present self had been only an infant at the time.

Mia shakes her head unconsciously, just thinking about how the whole space-time-continuum worked gave her a headache to add to her growing list of worries and troubles.

It was bizarre enough living one life with all the memories from another but the real problem was that Chris felt that death was stalking him. His nightmares just emphasized it. Mia was getting desperate, especially since the last dream had her as Chris’s killer. That’s why she had been keeping him at arm’s length the past few days, she didn’t want there to be any chance that he picked up on what she was feeling and she--for once--didn’t want to feel what he felt.

She couldn’t bear the way he trusted her so completely, an innocent lamb that she would lead off to the slaughter.

Wait a minute where did that come from? It was only a dream.

[mcharmed21]

Startled by this stunningly out of place thought Mia loses track of the conversation and stares off into space.

“Earth to Mia.” Chris stares intently at her, as if to memorize every detail, filing them away for a later time when he wasn’t so lucky as to be around her. Little did he know that might be very soon.

“Oh . . . uh huh . . . what?”

“Look, we can’t go on like this any longer. It isn’t natural. We don’t . . . keep things from each other . . . so spill it Mia.” Chris huffs out a breath, the tough part over. He really doesn’t like confronting emotions, wasn’t raised to be good at it, in one time line anyway.

Defeated Mia comes to perch on his lap, breathing in his earthy scent, “I’m sorry. I just . . . can’t stand the thought of . . . of hurting you.”<br>“Did you ever think of how it hurts me to be ignored?” The scent is now mixed with that of pain, it makes it sour and hot, and Mia looks at the floor.

Lifting her chin firmly he locks his eyes onto hers and she struggles to explain, “No, I, your dreams Chris. I think there’s something to them. I mean what if . . . what if I’m supposed to kill you?”<br>
“You won’t. I trust you. I love you Mia Sullivan.” This reminds him of a similar scene, reversed of course and he relishes the thought of being the one to do the comforting for once.

They lean in for a long postponed kiss as an oblivious Matt walks in, “Chris you didn’t hint to mom that I was downloading porn did you? Cause if you’re the one who’s been using the computer all these nights, you should tell her, she thinks I’m--” he sees Mia on his brother’s lap and tries to beat a hasty retreat.

“Oh, um, sorry guys. I’ll just be going--owe!” Chris pins him up against the wall telekinetically.

Mia’s eyes twinkling conspiratorially she says, “Oh, is that what’s filling up the trash?” Matt’s eyes widen to the proportion of saucers as Chris opens the folder.

“Let’s see, Booty and the Beast, the Call of Booty . . . should I go on?” smirks Chris.

“No, no I get your point, empty the trash. Now put me down before you wake Mom and she wants to know what’s going on. Please.” Chris waves a hand and Matt slumps unceremoniously to the floor.

Matt may be a Twice Blessed Child and Keeper of The Sword but he is still just a normal awkward sixteen year old. He doesn’t seem to have inherited any of the natural grace that Chris did--or didn’t if you knew his true origin--from their mother.

Thankfully for Piper, and Chris too Matt looked nothing like Wyatt. He has his mother’s dark features, looking like a mini Chris if anything. Jared also looked a lot like his mother, dark hair, and fine features. Seamus was the only one that looked anything like his father’s side of the family, blonde and blue eyed, and even though he and Jared were both almost sixteen he was a full head shorter than any of his cousins. He made up for it in muscle though.

They were are close nit family, always there for one another. Each one was but a part of the whole with the boys always joking that Matt was the brain, Seamus, the brawn, Jared, the pretty one, and Chris, the heart. When Mia once asked where she fit in the equation, before Chris could stop him, Matt had said, “Why the boobs of course.”<br>
Mia hit Matt so hard that Seamus had to grab him to keep him from falling over. She said, “If he’s the brain your collective self isn’t going to be living very long.” It had been all Chris, Seamus, and Jared could do to keep from laughing until Mia had left the room.

Watching from the doorway, Leo, Derrick and Jimmy could only shake their heads. Which was what Penny Halliwell had done, when she found out that she had four grandsons and not even a hope of a granddaughter. That could be why the Halliwells had welcomed Mia into the family so readily.

When the boys were first born, Penny had liked to say it was because Paige and Phoebe hadn’t found the men they were truly supposed to be with but they knew she was wrong. Shortly after Chris had gone back to the future they had each met their man and knew almost instantly that, they would spend the rest of their lives with him and have but one child each.

[mcharmed21]

“Now go back to bed Matt, your secret’s safe with us,” says Chris with a smile as his little brother bounds up the stairs as silent as a mountain cat.

Late in the afternoon, having pretended to be asleep until the rest of the household had gone out for the day Chris comes bolting down the stairs. He had found a potential solution to his and Mia’s memory problem--of the non-demonic variety yet--and he was meeting it--her for coffee. He reached the bottom of the stairs and sensing no one in the house headed for the kitchen only to be stopped by the sudden presence of his cousin in the hallway.

“Chris, you okay man?” queried Seamus.

“Fine. Just fine,” Chris bit off the words like tough beef jerky, turning away, heading for the front door instead.

“You know what fine stands for, remember?” he says with affection in his eyes and the customary smirk.

“Yeah, yeah,” follows a roll of the eyes.

“Freaked out, insecure, neurotic and emotional,” they say in unison.

Chris forces a smile, pretends to be amused in order to get rid of his cousin faster but deep inside he’s afraid that there may be some hidden implication in the harmless teasing.

Inhaling forcefully, Chris spits out, “I’m just tense about university is all.”

Seamus smiles knowingly, “Oh, so it’s the future that you’re worried about eh?”<br>
Future! Oh gods he knows. Does he? What if Seamus is using his telepathy to pick up on my thoughts? What if he can hear these other realities swirling around in my head? Man this just feels like he's screwing with my mind, I wonder if he’s trying some telepath thing on me to get me to tell him what’s going on.

No, family doesn’t invade on each other like that.

He might be worried that you’re not really family.

Great Chris thinks, I’ve still got that damned other voice yapping on in there. It’s like a paranoid version of himself. His old self he realizes.

“Yeah, that’s just it,” says Chris. He throws what he hopes is a sheepish look over his shoulder and slams the door.

Seamus shakes his head and orbs himself home to his room, calling on Jared on the way. He’s going to find out what’s with his older cousin one way or another, even if it means messing with his head a bit. Chris can use protecting just like everybody else if he would just admit it.


*****


“The meeting was a bust. Some chick that thinks she’s a witch. I had to put a charm on her so she wouldn’t remember meeting me. Gods, how could I be so stupid to think it would that easy?”<br>
Mia lays a comforting hand on Chris’s shoulder, “It’s okay, we’ll come up with something else.”<br>
“There isn’t anything else Mia,” he shouts. “I think we’re stuck this way. It could just be a side effect of the time traveling for all we know.”<br>

[mcharmed21]

“Sorry. I--I’m sorry,” Chris feels a pang thinking of what it must cost Mia to be around him all the time with his moods, he almost forgets how sensitive she is, she’s gotten so good at hiding it.

“It’s okay. I think I have an idea anyway. We are going to have to do something I know you won’t want to do. It’s the only way though.” Mia gives him one of her patented soul searching looks and Chris knows immediately what she’s speaking of.

“I--I can’t Mia.”<br>
“Look, Chris--”<br>
“No, I literally can’t. The Initiate just found me when they needed me. To, you know, tell me about my mission. I have no way of reaching them.”<br>
“So . . .”<br>
A slow drawn out breath, “So we can try a spell Mia but they are very powerful and I don’t think this is going to work with just the two of us.” Chris now gives Mia his look and she knows what’s coming.

“No, Chris, absolutely not! You will not bring Matt into this.”<br>
Through gritted teeth he answers, “He’s our only hope Mia. I don’t like being backed into this corner anymore than you do but this two lives in one thing is getting ridiculous. It’s driving both of us nuts and who knows when one of us will crack and tell them something about the old future. I snapped at Leo--Dad this morning for no reason at all.”

He sighs, “It’s so hard to get used to the fact that he didn’t leave us.” Chris is pacing now, hands behind his back.

“Thanks to you Chris. Now cut that out, your Mom can’t afford to replace the carpet right now.” She smiles when he stops and looks at her strangely.

“You’re wearing holes in the carpet Chris. Sit down.” Sinking onto her bed Chris locks his fingers in Mia’s and they sit for a moment in silence.

“Okay.”<br>
“Okay?”<br>
“We’ll get Matt in on this but that’s it, not Jared, not Seamus. Not unless we really have to.”

Chris reaches out to take her other hand and gives her one of those hundred watt smiles that he had often been capable of since they had reached the future.


*****


“You did what?” Matt looks at Chris as if he has three heads, or perhaps like he’s holding the bloody severed head of his oft spoken of older brother.

“Look, it’s hard to explain but I had to--we had to.” Chris feels like he’s going to be sick. He had hoped that Matt would take it better than this.

“So you’re saying I exist because you killed our older brother. And I’m supposed to be okay with this? Gods Chris you--”<br>
“Gods--Chris--what? Huh?” Chris could feel rage quickening in his veins with a molten intensity; he pushed Matt up against the wall with telekinesis only this time it wasn’t in fun.

The pressure on Matt’s chest brought tears to his eyes and he started to panic, thrashing about like a headless chicken, he didn't even think to use his powers to swat Chris away. He had never seen this side of his brother before. He seemed so cold. So unlike what they were supposed to stand for.

“You--can’t--possibly--understand--what--I’ve--been--through,” he screams, “What kind of life I’ve had. I better have been god damned Stalin in a past life to have deserved this. And now. Now I’ve done it, we’ve done it. Fixed everything, restored the balance, survived, come home and still, still we cannot be left alone.”

“So don’t you make any judgments against me--us. You just pray that in the same situation you would have had the balls to do . . . to do what I did.” The last part is said in a whisper as Chris slumps to the floor, tears raining down his cheeks.

“Chris,” he chokes. “Chris I’m sorry. I didn’t mean . . . you just surprised me. Please, please don’t hurt me.”<br>
Seeing the alarm in Matt’s eyes Chris’s tears abated and he suddenly felt an eerie calm wash over him in waves. When the waves stilled he was left devoid of emotion but instead of scaring him it was strangely comforting not to feel.

[mcharmed21]

This is what Mia probably longs for, the void.

When he spoke it was a harsh icy whisper, “I only exist because I was needed to kill Wyatt.” Not his brother anymore, just Wyatt.
Chris turned away and Matt dropped to the floor with a thump. He scrambled up quickly reaching for Chris and spinning him around to look him in the eye.

Chris expected to find fear and loathing in Matt’s eyes but instead he saw pity. He thought that maybe that was worse. Tears blurred Chris’s vision once again and his breath caught in his throat as Matt pulled him into a hug.

“Thank you, for saving the future.”<br>
“So you’ll help us.”<br>
“Yeah.”<br>
Chris, Mia, and Matt stood in a circle in the living room. They were finally alone in the house but had decided not to cast the spell in the attic so as not to arouse suspicion should someone come home unexpectedly.

“So you guys really wanna do this.” Matt’s hands were sweating and he wipes them on his pants. He’s not nervous about failing; he doesn’t, not when it comes to magick. He’s more worried about what will happen to his brother and honorary sister when they find these all-powerful beings.

Chris glances at Mia and all that needs to be spoken is communicated through that one look, “We have to Matt.”<br>
“Okay then, here we go,” Matt takes Chris and Mia by the hand and the three make a circle.

Together they chant the words that Matt had told them:


We call to you Powers that Be/ Hear these words in our time of need/ Take us to those whom we seek/ Take us to the Initiate/ Our wills be done/ So mote it be.


The spell worked, they are moving, Matt no longer part of the circle. She and Chris are spinning in sick slow circles, gradually getting faster and faster until Matt, and the room are but a multi-coloured blur, like a merry-go-round on crack. Little do they know that it is really the Initiate calling them.

Mia and Chris appear in a small but lavishly decorated and dimly lit chamber, staggering a little from the effects of the trip.

“Ww-wow--” Mia is cut off by the earsplitting sound of an echoed voice.

“Send him back, now!” and before Mia can turn around Chris is gone and she is alone with the six shadowy forms that comprise the Initiate.

[mcharmed21]

The second he hears the booming voice, Chris feels a hard jab to his kidneys and finds himself falling back into the living room, where Jared and Seamus stand with an agitated Matt. He was trying to get rid of them without making them suspicious--not knowing when Mia and Chris would be back do to how time flows in different realms.

Too confused Chris doesn’t react quickly enough to orb and hits the floor with the resounding smack of flesh against wood, narrowly missing landing on Jared.

He looks up expecting to see Mia beside him but all he finds are his brother and his cousins. Before they can get over the shock of seeing him fall from the ceiling he panics, “Where’s--where’s Mia? Did--didn’t she come back too?”<br>
Seeing the fear and unease in Chris’s eyes, something that neither Jared nor Seamus are used to they hold their tongues.

“No Chris, Mia didn’t come back, just you. You found them though, right?”<br>
“Yeah, but she’s there all alone. They didn’t want me, just her. Why would they want just her?”<br>
“I don’t know, I don’t but she’s fine. You’d know if she wasn’t right?”<br>
“Right, yeah.”<br>
“So, okay then. She’ll probably be back soon.”<br>
“Okay I think we’ve been patient enough. Would somebody tell us what the hell is going on?” Jared startles Chris out of his panic and he just stares blankly at his cousin.

Matt looks at Chris, “Why don’t you uh, go get a drink or something, and then you can tell them.”

As Chris, all but staggers from the room Matt pulls Seamus and Jared close, “Do not freak out about what he is going to tell you. There’s . . . there’s a side of Chris that we haven’t seen before. He’s been through some . . . he’s been through some stuff that no one should have to go through. Just don’t freak out okay? Seamus, Jared?”<br>
“Yeah, don’t worry.”<br>
“Couldn’t have been that bad right?”<br>

*****


“Wow, that’s some heavy stuff Chris,” breathes Jared. As Matt directed he and Seamus had kept their cool while Chris told them his story but they were obviously shaken up beyond words that they and their parents had been murdered in the previous future and that Chris had gone back to kill his own brother to prevent it.

This doesn’t sit well with Chris, as he hasn’t even told them a fraction of the story. He just can’t bear to tell them about the embarrassment that his--their own brother/cousin had put him through.

Wyatt softly strokes his hair, it’s the only thing he ever does softly. The hand travels down Chris’s naked and trembling torso. He wants to scream, to call for help but there’s no one, no one who will care about another screaming voice.

“It’s all right little brother no one will hurt you . . . no one but me.” At that he pushes Chris’s face into the mattress and Chris braces for what comes next, shutting his eyes tightly against the tears.

However, any further thought on the subject fled from his mind as the night would when you lit a candle as Mia steps back into the room through a brilliant flash.

“Oh gods, your okay. Are you okay? Did they do anything to you? What did they say? You did talk to them right?” Chris prattles on as he scoops Mia into his arms and does a turn around the room as she holds onto him tightly and buries her face in his hair.

The boys looked on in amazement, what they see are a much older Chris and Mia, worn by bad circumstances and letdowns but still very much in love.

Seamus especially notices this, as he can see brief glimpses of what is in each of their minds as well. Everything seems cluttered, like there are too many clothes in a closet. Something is wrong, very wrong this isn’t his caring, compassionate cousin he loves nor his carefree surrogate sister. These are two very injured souls.

But just as quickly, as Seamus comes to this realization it is gone, Chris, and Mia are just a couple of untroubled teenagers on the cusp of adulthood.

Chris looks at Seamus, understanding his confusion. “That’s how we’ve been living for the past three weeks, jumping from one life to another. We saved the future but we still have to live with the shadow of what was. But we’ve got a solution now, don’t we?” At this, he looks at Mia and she nods slowly as if moving through molasses.

“Yeah, they said because of what we did for them--for everyone they would help us. Tomorrow night there’s a full moon. That’s when we can cast the spell they gave me, and they’ll lend their powers to make sure it works.”

Gods, do I look as guilty as I feel? I don’t think I can do this until tomorrow, but it’s only fair to Chris. They’d just send someone else anyway and it wouldn’t be painless, I owe it to him, right?

“So why did they send me back? Why couldn’t they have just said that in front of me?”<br>
Continuing to dole out more lies, “Well they said some other stuff too. It was about my family. They . . . they were from this time but they’re dead . . . all of them. They had a different last name and that’s why I couldn’t find anything out about them. It was my destiny to be part of your family--to be with you.” A small smile slips onto her lips when Chris flushes.

“They just wanted to give me the option of telling you. They don’t understand that we’re a part of each other. They don’t understand love like we do.”<br>

As the group stands around awkwardly, Jared suddenly looks towards the door. “Our parents are coming, all of them. They’re unloading groceries . . . for a family diner.”

For a moment, everyone is still and then a flurry of activity erupts in the room. Chris yells candles, sending them back to the attic as Matt does the same with the BoS. As they all flop onto the furniture, with a practiced casualness, Seamus whispers pop and a can appears in everyone’s hand but Chris’s.

There they sit, Chris on the couch with Mia’s head on his lap, handing him her soda, Seamus and Matt on the two chairs and Jared on the floor leaning against Matt’s chair, when their parents burst into the house, yelling, talking and arguing all at once on many different subjects.

This is what family is supposed to be. Chris thinks as they get up to help their parents.

[mcharmed21]

“Seamus, no! Stay out of the ice cream I’m making gelato for dessert. Paige! You are not setting a good example for your son.” Piper tries to hold the stern look to her features but it only ends up as a smile as Paige nicks a container of ice cream and two spoons from the drawer.

Jimmy, Derrick, and Leo wisely go set the table, Chris, and Mia try not to laugh as they wash vegetables.

“Okay, everybody out. This is going to be a special, Power of Three dinner,” Phoebe says with confidence as Piper and Paige snicker behind her back. Even after all these years she can’t cook but she is great for taste testing dishes and pouring wine.

Jared and Matt swiftly grab what snack food they can from the pantry and head back to the living room followed but Mia and Chris dragging Seamus away from the ice cream once again.

“I don’t know how you don’t weigh 200 pounds Seam, you never stop eating,” Chris comments as his cousin plucks a bag of chips out of Matt’s hands and a soda from Mia’s while twisting out of Jared’s reach with the ease of a dancer.

“So we just sit and wait ‘til the full moon and then you two will get back to normal, or whatever?” says Seamus through a mouthful of chips. He’s just glad that they had gotten to the bottom of what was wrong with Chris, and whew the whole two memories, changing the future, living in the past thing was nuts. But who would have thought that a Halliwell could have been evil. Well not evil, Chris never says evil, he says that Wyatt was so consumed by power that there was no room left for anything baring any resemblance to human emotion.

“Yeah, that’s all we can do,” says Mia as she lays her head on Chris’s shoulder and he wraps an arm around her protectively, always the sentinel for those he loves, forever the martyr.

If Seamus hadn’t been so relieved by the apparent solution to his cousin’s problem he might have seen sooner that the real problems had only just begun.

[mcharmed21]

Chris laid in bed that night trying to imagine life without pain, at least the kind of pain that he had known, pain from someone who is supposed to be the one protecting you.

“You thought that you could escape from me Chris? You thought that these witches would be able to stop me?” Wyatt shakes his blonde curls as Chris cowers in the corner of the dirty motel room.

His chest and back are covered with bandages, wounds that Wyatt knows very well he himself inflicted. But there’s something else. “What’s this?” Before Chris can move, Wyatt’s hand snakes out and grasps one of his bandaged wrists.

“Oh, little brother what did you try to do?” Wyatt’s cold eyes soften slightly as Chris whimpers.

“C’mere, baby,” and Wyatt gathers his fifteen-year-old brother into his arms, stroking his hair and healing his hurts.

“You know I love you Christopher, you’re my little brother. Let me take you home. Promise me you won’t run away again Chris, promise me.”<br>
Mustering the last reserves of his strength, Chris whispers, “Go--go to hell.”<br>
“What?” says Wyatt the picture of calm.

“You heard me. Go to hell!” Emboldened now Chris raises his bruised face to within an inch of his brothers and says with a frosty smile, “Kill me. I--dare--you.”

Wyatt simply smiles while holding Chris tightly and whispers in his ear, “No such chance.”<br>

Startled, blood pounding in his ears, Chris sits up in bed; he didn’t even remember that night until this moment. Shaken, tears already drying on his face, he looks over at Matt sleeping peacefully and decides to go talk to Mia, wake her if necessary, but he’s sure she’s already up and knows what he’s feeling.

As he pads down the hall to her room, he hears her voice. “I can’t believe you think I’ll do this, it’s insane!” Why couldn’t you just erase our old memories and leave us be?”

As Chris peers around the door jam, he sees only Mia but an unseen voice answers back calmly, “We do not have that kind of power and those who do, do not simply use it at the request of mere witches. You will do this it is your destiny. Christopher was created in order to ensure the safety of the future and you, you were created to aid him and tie up the loose ends.”<br>
Incredulous, “Loose ends! This is a life we are talking about.”<br>
“You will do this and do it by midnight tomorrow, you have no choice.”<br>

A life! Oh hell, she was right. Mia was right she is going to kill me. Oh, gods, what am I going to do.

Panicked Chris stumbles back from her door, practically running to his room.

Did she hear me? What if she’s going to come do it right now, painless, in my sleep?

These thoughts and more kept Chris wide awake for the rest of the night, safe from the ghosts that haunted his dreams, and Mia, for now.

[mcharmed21]

Later that day Seamus sat in the attic of his home; not quite the famous Halliwell attic but it suited his and his Mother’s purposes. Speaking of her had better check to make sure she was still at work, Dad too. He was even more cautious of Seamus using magick because he really couldn’t help if anything were to go wrong.

He picked up his crystal and wrapped a strand of his Mother’s hair around it, satisfied when it indicated on the map that she was still at work. Then he repeated the process with his Dad’s hair to the same end.

Okay Seamus, you can do this. It’s just like every other time.

Only bigger.

Chris is fine, I’m just being careful, making sure he isn’t hiding anything important.

He inhales to the extent that his lanky frame will let him and lets it out in an achingly slow breath.

Now or never.

Seamus takes a vile from his pocket and spills its slick red contents into a bowl of water while reciting:


With this the blood of my blood/ Give me insight to his plight/ Show me now and show me here so I may know what it is he fears/ My will be done/ So mote it be.


As Seamus, stares unblinking into the bowl of bloody water images begin to take shape. They twist amongst one another fighting to be seen, to be acknowledged. One prevails and he finds himself pitched, unbidden into Chris’s memories.

Wyatt circles Chris as he stands in full combat gear, unmoving, hands still tightened around the hilts of his swords. Not Excalibur but he found they served their purpose nicely.

Chris is covered in sweat and grime and Wyatt wipes his unflinching face gently with a black handkerchief before he speaks. “Well Chris it seems despite all of your protesting we’ve made a warrior of you after all. A very good one from what I’ve heard, little brother.”<br>
Chris struggles not to smile. Praise, he longs for it, for love and kind words not overshadowed by the threat of violence but doesn’t want it that badly, not from Wyatt, not for killing.

“Kill or be killed, isn’t that what you taught me brother?” Chris replies face set in stern unmoving lines, much too severe for a boy of sixteen. For that’s what he still was, a boy.

“Come on Chris,” Wyatt smiles openly. “Lets celebrate and you can show off your skill against some of my fighters.”

Chris sighed as Wyatt to put his arm around his waist. Well maybe he did.

The memory ends and slides seamlessly into another before Seamus can stop it.

“Wy--Wyatt he’s an innocent for the gods sake. I--I can’t.”<br>
“Can’t or won’t little brother? And he’s not so innocent anymore,” he smiles a knowing smiles and Chris’s stomach clenches more out of habit than fear.

“You’ll do it Chris or we’ll go back to the beginning and start you’re training all over again.” The person trembling on the floor lets out a sob and Wyatt silences him with a look of distain.

It wasn’t an empty threat and Chris knew it, he was pretty sure he wouldn’t survive it again. He didn't really know how he had survived the first time. He just didn’t know if he was ready to kill someone in order to survive.

Would he be able to end this boy’s life in order to save his own?

He would be doing the boy a favour, wouldn’t he; saving him from being Wyatt’s toy.

No, you can’t justify taking a life.

Think!

Chris stifled a sigh; he would do it. He was selfish in the end after all. Just like Wyatt, he thought ruefully. And yet, he made no move to raise his sword.

Kill or be killed.

He had to but he knew deep inside that while doing this would save his life a part of him would die forever today, not his innocence, that was long gone no a little bit of his soul was dying, his humanity siphoned away by an endless array of bad situations and harsh choices.

Kill or be killed.

Chris knelt down next to the trembling wild-eyed boy, not much younger than himself, “Shush, it’ll all be over soon.”<br>
“N--no.”<br>
“Shush.” Chris drew his atheme from his belt, grasping the boy’s hair to expose his neck and pulled the blade across his throat. Quick and peaceful death follows, fading the boy’s world from grey to black while gentle hands held him tightly and cried for him.

Kill or be killed.

Wyatt smiled sadly, why did it have to be so hard for his brother. Why can’t Chris understand that everything I do is for him?

He wouldn’t have survived half as long as he has if I hadn’t stepped in.
Wyatt looks again at his little brother, bathed in a stranger’s blood, beaten, broken, and alone, and thinks that maybe it would have been kinder if he hadn’t.

The image ripples for a moment and then dies away, “Holy @#%$!” Seamus jerks back to reality to find himself on his knees in silent supplication, tears coating his cheeks and dripping from his chin to form salty ripples in the basin.

Panic over takes him before he can remind himself that this was only what could have happened, had Chris not fixed the future.

[mcharmed21]

No, that’s not right he still lives with this, carries it around. Thank the gods he’ll be free after tonight.

But the spell wasn’t done and Seamus finds himself once again compelled to watch from the sidelines as Chris lives out a part of his life.

As Chris pads down the hall to Mia’s room, he hears her voice. “I can’t believe you think I’ll do this, it’s insane!” Why couldn’t you just erase our old memories and leave us be?”

As Chris peers around the door jam, he sees only her but an unseen voice answers back calmly, “We do not have that kind of power and those who do, do not simply use it at the request of mere witches. You will do this it is your destiny. Christopher was created in order to ensure the safety of the future and you, you were created to aid him and tie up the loose ends.”<br>
Incredulous, “Loose ends! This is a life we are talking about.”<br>
“You will do this and do it by midnight tomorrow, you have no choice.”<br>
Loose ends! Holy @#%$ she’s going to kill Chris.
“Jared, Matt, get your asses up here now. We have an emergency!”<br>
Matt and Jared gasped in disbelief as Seamus described what he had seen.

“Well what are we waiting for, let’s go kick some Initiate ass,” exploded Jared much as his mother would have.

But Matt was still trying to grasp what Seamus had said about his older brother. His moods from the past weeks now made sense, how could someone not be unstable with all of that going on in their head. How could someone go through all of that and still be able to do good?

“Matt . . . Matt,” Seamus tries again.

“Sorry, what?”<br>
“I was just saying that we should take a look at the rest of Chris’s memories, to see what exactly he’s been through. It’ll give us a better idea of what we have to do. I have a spell that’ll do it.”<br>
“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” Matt agrees but somehow feels like it wouldn’t be what Chris wanted.

Well screw what you want brother, cause we're going to save you anyway.

Impatient, willing to spring into action at anytime Jared sometimes wishes his cousins would think less, well except for those times when their thinking got them out of his messes. Happy to just be doing anything proactive he takes each of his cousins by the hand as they recite the spell Seamus wrote:


Give us insight to Chris’s plight/ Show us now and show us quick so we may know all he’s had to accept / Our wills be done/ So mote it be.


At the exact moment that the boys started to repeat the spell Jimmy walked in, obviously surprised to see his two nephews and unfortunately caught up in the spell as well.

Chris sits in a darkened room, shivering as an achingly beautiful blonde stands over him.

“Seamus, what’s going on? Where are you?” Panicked Jimmy hopes his son knows what he’s doing because he sure doesn’t have a clue.
“I’m behind you Dad,” Jimmy whirls around to see his son and nephews watching calmly from the sidelines as scene after seen passes by them on fast forward.

Seamus continues, “We’re in Chris’s memories, we needed to find out what is really going on with him. As you can see it’s not pretty.”
They group witnesses the motel room scene, unable to equate the lost, desperate boy with the confident, assertive Chris.

Matt finds he has tears rolling down his cheeks in tandem with memory Chris. Jared wraps an arm around him and says, “It’s okay, we’ll figure this out. We’ll make him better.”<br>
The spell finishes and everyone looks at each other with a newfound understanding of pain. Matt wipes his eyes and Jimmy finds himself pulling Seamus into a constricting hug.

“I’m going to call your Mother and her sisters,” and Jimmy moves to leave the attic.

“No, wait. I don’t want them seeing that. We can handle it ourselves,” Matt protests, martyrdom must run in the family.

Jared and Seamus eye the floor, they would rather have their parents in on this but Chris is Matt’s brother first and they refuse to get in his way.

“Absolutely not Mathew,” ouch full name. “After what we just saw and
what we now know about the Initiate I think the Power of Six is called for, not to mention Leo and Derrick. I may be non-magickal but I am the adult here and that’s just how it’s going to be.”

[mcharmed21]

His face softens at Matt’s stricken look, “I don’t want anything to happen to any of you, including Chris and Mia, so the more fire power we have the better.” His part said Jimmy turns on his heal and heads for the phone to call Paige.


*****


The whole family jumbled together in Paige’s living room, sprawled on chairs and couches, pacing or just standing, trying to absorb the enormity of the whole situation.

Phoebe’s mind was reeling. Her oldest nephew wasn’t her nephew. He came back to the past to when he and Wyatt were children and killed him for the greater good and now his girl friend was supposed to kill him and tie up the whole ordeal with a nice neat bow.

Our family is nuts.

On top of that, her own son was going to keep this from her, the boys, they’re barely sixteen and they’re already taking on such great responsibility she sighs. But then again, look at what Chris went through and he was barely fourteen when it started.

Phoebe sighed and went to rub Piper’s arm, “It’ll be alright sweetie, we’ve got everybody in on it now. We’ll be able to help him soon.”<br>
“My baby, more poor baby,” Piper mumbles almost as if she hadn’t heard Phoebe.

Jared interrupts any response Phoebe might have had, “Well we had better do something quick cause Mia has to do it by midnight.”<br>
Leo looks at him strangely, “How do you know that?”<br>
“It’s right there in his memories, he overheard her talking to one of the Initiate.”<br>
The group continues to babble on aimlessly for a few more minutes, until Paige steps up to lead.


“Okay, quiet everyone, quiet!” Paige stands at the front of the room. “What we need is a plan of action folks. There are enough of us that we can cover a lot of ground. What we need to do is find Mia and Chris and find them fast. We also need to find the Initiate and see if we can’t pummel some sense into them.”<br>
When everyone just nods in agreement, she continues on her drill sergeant kick, “Everyone who can orb partner up with someone who can’t. Piper, you and Leo see if you can find the initiate, call anyone if you need them,” the couple nods and disappears with the quiet yet fierce determination housed in all parents when it comes to protecting their children.

“Jared and Seamus go look for Mia, Matt and Derrick go after Chris and Phoebe and I will go to the Underworld to find out more about the Initiate,” the other two pairs disappear and Paige turns to Jimmy.

“I’ll drop you off at the Manor on the way, stay there and see if either of them come back.”<br>
“Paige I can do something--”<br>
“I know honey, but it’s the most likely place they’ll turn up and it makes more sense than having someone keeping checking back there and possibly missing them.” He doesn’t quite seem satisfied with this so she goes on, “I know you are capable surviving in the magickal world, you throw a mean potion baby, but you’re needed there okay.”<br>
Jimmy decides not to let his ego get in the way of saving his nephew and niece-- because that’s how he still thinks of them--and smiled, “Well let’s get going then,” and he pulls her into an embrace.

Paige kisses him thinking; this is what it’s all about,

“Hem,” they turn around to look at Phoebe.

“Shall we go save our nephew and niece or shall you and your hubby continue your make-out session?”<br>
Properly chastised Paige grabs each of their hands and the last group disappears from the living room in an incandescent swirl of blue.

[mcharmed21]

Standing atop the Golden Gate Bridge, starring unseeing down through the constant flickering of light from the guardrails at the passing cars Chris tries to decide what to do. Should he tell his parents what’s going on? Risk them finding out the whole story.

He’d been lucky so far, that Seamus and Phoebe hadn’t sensed anything wrong, but he just couldn’t chance it any longer. It would destroy his Mom if she found out how terrible Wyatt had been.

On the other hand, she doesn’t deserve any more pain than that of losing one child.

No, that’s just an excuse to justify saving yourself, again.

Your life for theirs. Do the right thing. The time for being selfish is over.

Certain now that he has made the right decision Chris orbed back to the Manor.


*****


Mia paces back and forth in the living room of the empty Manor.

Oh, gods how could they put me in this situation? Kill Chris, my love, my only love?

If only he didn’t have to be such a stupid noble thingy and would go to his family for help. I would if they hadn’t put this stupid secrecy charm on me.

Damn it!

Come on, think of something, do something.

When he dies, you will die too.

What? Who’s there, what are you talking about?

When he dies, you will die too. And the voice was gone.

Mia stops pacing, wondering what the hell that was all about, wondering if she’s finally lost it and gathers her courage around her like a cloak.


*****


Chris walks into the living room as Mia is steeling herself for the task at hand. “Mia . . .”<br>
“Chris, Chris I though you were--”<br>
“I’m ready Mia,” he whispers as he eyes the atheme in her hand. “I won’t try to stop you.”<br>
Wild panic consumes her, “Y--you have to. I--I’m not in con-control.”<br>
“What you have to do doesn’t make me love you any less Mia. I will love you Mia Sullivan to the day I die and forever beyond that.”<br>
Chris sees her take a step towards him, raising her atheme by increments. He unbuttons his shirt, exposing his neck, saying once again, “I love you Mia. I know you that would never cause me pain.”

Jimmy walks into the living room at that moment and startles the star-crossed-lovers. “Chris, Mia, everyone’s been looking for you. I--” he sees the atheme in Mia’s hand and notices Chris’s unbuttoned shirt.
“Come on neither of you have to do this. I’ll call the others, we’ll--”<br>
“No,” says Chris. “This is the way it has to be.” He knocks Jimmy into a chair and pins him there, his mouth held shut against his protests.

Chris turns back to Mia and continues speaking, “We will always be together we can never be apart because we are one.”

The atheme wavers as a light clicks on in Mia’s brain and with blinding speed she whips around, yelling at the unseen coven, “I won’t do it. You can’t make me if I die first!” With those words, Mia draws the atheme across her own throat.

“Mia, gods, no!” Chris lunges for her as she falls.

“Oh, gods, no! No! Leo, Leo! Mom,” he whispers, clutching Mia to his chest. There’s so much blood he hasn’t seen this much blood since . . . since the boy.

“I--I lo--love you t--t--too,” Mia manages as her life seeps away in her love’s arms.

“No, no, not yet Mia. Don’t leave me yet,” a torrent of tears dilutes the blood on the carpet, cooling Mia’s shock--induced fever.

She starts to speak again but all that can be heard is a sick gurgle and then her breathing stills and her eyes become opaque. Chris buries his face in her hair and sobs uncontrollably in disbelief as Jimmy free from the chair puts an unfelt hand on his shoulder.

[mcharmed21]

Mia’s body has already begun to cool as Leo, Piper, and the rest of the family rush in, in a swirl of orbs and panic. Chris barely seems to notice as they approach him. He doesn’t hear the questions about what happened or the quiet platitudes, all he knows is that his life is over.

“She’s gone. I can’t believe she’s gone Mom.” Chris sobs as a silent Piper wraps her arms around her eldest son’s shoulders.

The rest of the family stands dumbfounded, unwilling to believe that they could be too late.

Paige notices that Jimmy seems to be staring off into space and moves towards him but when she glances at the spot, she cries, “Look!” There, hovering above her and Chris is Mia’s spirit.

She looks down, “Chris, you were right, we are one. When you die, I will die, not before. Heal my body so I have a place to stay until then, love.”

Before Leo or Matt can even move, Chris’s hands start to glow. A soft butter yellow light emanates from Mia’s body as he places his hands over the wound and with a painful slowness she heals and her spirit returns to her body.

Sweating from the effort Chris shrugs off Leo’s hand, “This is for me to do, Dad.” Leo just nods and smiles a proud and understanding smile.

The colour gushes back into Mia’s cheeks as she takes a deep, gasping breath--which is knocked out of her almost immediately by Chris’s crushing hug.

“Why did you do that? You scared me, I--I couldn’t do this alone.” Matt starts to tell his brother that he has the rest of the family and he’ll never be alone but the look that passes between Mia and Chris has him rethinking the truth of such a statement.

“But that was your plan. Offer yourself so unselfishly, jolt me into action--oh, gods you really were ready to . . .”<br>
“--Die? For you, yes always.”

“You--you idiot, stupid, masochistic son-of-a-b*tch. How could you possibly think of leaving me like that? Idiot, idiot immff . . .” but Mia’s words are muffled by Chris’s lips.

Sudden realization rockets through Chris and he pulls away. “Wait, wait, what about the Initiate? They’ll just try and make you do it again won’t they?”<br>
“Here’s the thing,” says Derrick and as stands Chris marvels once again at the fact that his mother and aunts all married tall sandy-blonde haired men. “They, uh, aren’t around any longer to make trouble.”<br>
“How did you do it--”<br>
“How did you know--how much do you know?” He narrows his eyes at his brother.

“Everything,” says Seamus. And when Chris just nods he says, “No Chris, everything. I--I’ve been in your head.” He rushes on before Chris can react, “We wanted to help, we’re family that’s what we do.”

Chris flushes both with shame at what they know and pride at what they did as he clutches Mia’s hand in his, both still seated on the floor with Piper hovering nearby.

“And as for the Initiate,” Phoebe comes to stand next to her husband, “They weren’t actually the Initiate.”<br>
At Chris’s confused look Leo speaks up, “They had been taken out by a group of upper level demons, probably about the time you came back to the future. The demons were trying to get rid of you to tip the scales so that evil was more powerful once again. We took care of them though,” and for the first time Mia and Chris notice the disheveled appearance of their cousins, the sisters and their men.

Mia looks at the group in confusion, “How? They were so powerful, how could even an group of upper-level demons take them on?”<br>
“Sometimes it’s not a matter of power,” said Leo, “Sometimes it’s a matter of destiny. And really there are other forces out there that are much more powerful, they just don’t tend to, uh, get involved.”<br>
“Hey, that could be why none of your memory spells worked, the other forces of the universe were looking out for you. If the spells had worked you would have been sitting ducks for the demons impersonating the Initiate,” realizes Paige.

Chris is still sputtering in the wake of what his death could have meant to the future, “But . . . if Mia had k--killed me . . .”<br>
“We’d be right back where you started,” supplies Jared.

As the Halliwells chattered, giving explanations and comfort, tending wounds and fixing drinks a mist swept over them taking with it all knowledge of Chris and Mia’s previous life. Everyone knew that they had come through something incredible, that Mia had died and come back, but they were the Halliwells and really, that sort of thing happened all the time.

[mcharmed21]

A few weeks later Jared, Seamus, and Matt are in the garden with Derrick. Seamus and Jared are sparring and Derrick is directing Matt as he works with Excalibur, while shouting directions at the other boys even though he has his back to them.

“Jar your keep dropping your right shoulder, that’s why he keeps sucker punching you. And don’t get cocky Seam, you don’t practice your footwork enough, I can’t tell it’s awkward.”<br>
“He’s like the personal trainer from hell,” comments Paige as she, Phoebe and Piper sit in the kitchen visiting.

“Matt you may be able to kill a demon with blunt force but you have no form, form will make it easier to kill something with less force. If you have to be fighting for a long time hacking at everything in your path is going to get very old very quick. Do it again.”<br>
She smiles at his strong authoritative voice, strong but not harsh and there was always a smile on his lips when he worked with the boys. “Yeah, but this family had never been in better shape to fight.”<br>
“You’re just sticking up for him ‘cause he’s your husband.”<br>
“What is it gang up on Phoebe day or something?” she exclaims.

“I think Paige is just bitter because he had her up running with you at six this morning.”

Any more conversation is cut off when they see Chris appear at the garden gate. From his silhouette, they can see two swords strapped to his back and the firm set of his jaw.

“Wow, he really looks like he’s ready to kick some ass,” admires Paige.

“Hey, Matt, care for a little one on one,” he calls out innocently.

Always ready to show off his fighting prowess Matt quickly agrees, ushering everyone else to stand back.

The pair begins facing each other with Matt making the first move but Chris quickly gains the upper hand.

Chris dodges and ducks never letting any of Matt’s punishing blows fall near him. Thrusting with both swords alternately, his blows continue relentlessly backing his little brother into a corner as he begins to tire.

Matt makes one last desperate attempt to regain his ground and lunges at Chris who drops one sword to catch his brother in a headlock, forcing him to let go of Excalibur and holding the other blade to his throat.

“Give up?” he asks playfully. “Or maybe you’d like a hair cut.” He toys with the chestnut hair so much longer than his own while Matt struggles indignantly.

When Chris lets his brother go he looks around and realizes that his mother and aunts are watching from the kitchen window with Mia and his cousins and uncle are starring at him.

“Since when did you learn to fight like that Chris?” exclaims Jared while a winded Matt rests, hands on knees and looks up to regard his brother in a completely new light.

[mcharmed21]

As Derrick helps the breathless youth up he whispers, “Lesson learned.” It wasn’t a question.

Chris’s eyes cloud for a moment from the question as he bends to retrieve his sword, he’s thinking. “Dunno, maybe it’s something in the water,” he replies only half joking while they all laugh, certain in their knowledge that he has been practicing in secret.


*****


Candlelight flickers, casting erotic shadows onto the walls. Piper and Leo had gone away for the weekend and Matt had graciously gone to stay at Paige and Jimmy’s.

Alone at last.

Chris smiles as he breathes deeply the scents of sandalwood, vanilla, and cinnamon and that much more basic scent of Mia herself.

As they lay on her bed he turns to face her and says, “Are you sure you’re ready?” Her eyes are a dark, liquid emerald as he gazes into them. He sees his desires mirrored within their depths. He feels no pain, has no troubling memories. He is eighteen, new, and fresh, and innocent.

Eagerly Mia returns his smile and taking a deep breath, she whispers, “Yes.”<br>
They lock into a passionate kiss and Chris runs his fingers over her torso, tickling and teasing, her tongue brushes his and they move deeper into that most intimate of embraces.

Mia delves into his mind, mixing her emotions with his on the most basic of levels, until they are but one being, connected by mind, body and soul.

As the couple joins together the Spinner, Measurer and Cutter of the thread that is ones fate smile down upon the couple, while the Cutter burns the small piece of cord that holds the unhappy other life that Mia and Chris once lived. They are content with erasing what was and reweaving the pair into the fabric of life now that a peaceful future has been ensured.