Post by hollypop on Nov 4, 2005 16:30:16 GMT -5
Well, this is the first story I've ever posted. It's not very long so you don't have to worry about being too bored 
.
I admit the title could be better but I was never any good at titles. Labeling something just seemed to limit the reader's thoughts/emotions. Yeah, I'm rambling cuz I'm nervous.
Remember, please be kind but more importantly, truthful. Thanks.
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Beautiful music. Haunting poetry. The photos that mean so much and the memories that used to flood her mind. She used to be able to hold a pencil and sketch the world as she saw it, sing the songs she loved so much..... she loved the fact that dreams were her inspiration.
More and more all the beautful things disappeared. As time goes by, her days grew more difficult. Sometimes, those days were exactly what they were. Days but without names. Saturday, Sunday, Friday.... all the same, equal to each other. Nothing specific... nothing special except the nothingness that now exists for her.
Pills rule her world. Pills and the pain. Just when she thinks she can handle the pain, the emotions overtake her. All the things that could have, would have happened in her life, no longer exists for her. Silence is the catalyst for her thoughts- the only things that she can control. When that happens, the tears flow and when there is no one around to listen or care... her sorrows are just lost amongst the many others that also feel that deep sadness.
As so many days go by, it’s hard for her to go on but she’s strong. Much stronger than people give her credit for. She’s careful about where she goes, detesting the looks of pity from people on the street.
“That poor girl. Too young to go through something like that”. Or even worse- “Can I help you to your car? Walking with a cane and having to carry those bags can’t be easy.”
Maybe that’s why she chooses to wait until it’s night. It’s so much easier to breathe... to smile... to live. For some unknown reason, she loves the feeling of being the only one ‘alive’ while everyone sleeps. The night is the only time when she will allow herself to be vulnerable to those intruding thoughts and she rides with them as if she were the wind. Believe it or not, those are the times when she smiles the most. And yes, she does believe the moon smiles with her.
Unfortunately, even the happy moments are overshadowed by what she goes through now.
Wishing on stars didn’t work nor did the wishing wells that she used to toss pennies in as a child. What she wishes for now? To be ‘normal’. Whatever that used to mean. Sometimes even she forgets and while she reaches for the 3rd bottle of pills out of the seven that she has to take, she thinks to herself - ‘is it worth it? nothing’s really changed for four years. being a guinea pig was not part of my life plan.. screw it... I just can’t take it anymore’.
Those last words seemed to chase her every waking moment. Yes, she is strong but how much longer can strength be enough? Faith. Now that’s a combination. Faith and strength plus the power to believe. That’s got to be the key.
As much as she tries to hold on to those three things.... the promise of no more pain, the promise of no more doctors telling her ‘try this and see what happens’, the promise of finally just being able to ‘sleep’,.. those forbidden promises could tempt even the stongest of individuals.
Even if it means no more walks with the moon, those forbidden promises haunt her. And sometimes... a girl’s got to do what a girl’s got to do.
.I admit the title could be better but I was never any good at titles. Labeling something just seemed to limit the reader's thoughts/emotions. Yeah, I'm rambling cuz I'm nervous.
Remember, please be kind but more importantly, truthful. Thanks.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Beautiful music. Haunting poetry. The photos that mean so much and the memories that used to flood her mind. She used to be able to hold a pencil and sketch the world as she saw it, sing the songs she loved so much..... she loved the fact that dreams were her inspiration.
More and more all the beautful things disappeared. As time goes by, her days grew more difficult. Sometimes, those days were exactly what they were. Days but without names. Saturday, Sunday, Friday.... all the same, equal to each other. Nothing specific... nothing special except the nothingness that now exists for her.
Pills rule her world. Pills and the pain. Just when she thinks she can handle the pain, the emotions overtake her. All the things that could have, would have happened in her life, no longer exists for her. Silence is the catalyst for her thoughts- the only things that she can control. When that happens, the tears flow and when there is no one around to listen or care... her sorrows are just lost amongst the many others that also feel that deep sadness.
As so many days go by, it’s hard for her to go on but she’s strong. Much stronger than people give her credit for. She’s careful about where she goes, detesting the looks of pity from people on the street.
“That poor girl. Too young to go through something like that”. Or even worse- “Can I help you to your car? Walking with a cane and having to carry those bags can’t be easy.”
Maybe that’s why she chooses to wait until it’s night. It’s so much easier to breathe... to smile... to live. For some unknown reason, she loves the feeling of being the only one ‘alive’ while everyone sleeps. The night is the only time when she will allow herself to be vulnerable to those intruding thoughts and she rides with them as if she were the wind. Believe it or not, those are the times when she smiles the most. And yes, she does believe the moon smiles with her.
Unfortunately, even the happy moments are overshadowed by what she goes through now.
Wishing on stars didn’t work nor did the wishing wells that she used to toss pennies in as a child. What she wishes for now? To be ‘normal’. Whatever that used to mean. Sometimes even she forgets and while she reaches for the 3rd bottle of pills out of the seven that she has to take, she thinks to herself - ‘is it worth it? nothing’s really changed for four years. being a guinea pig was not part of my life plan.. screw it... I just can’t take it anymore’.
Those last words seemed to chase her every waking moment. Yes, she is strong but how much longer can strength be enough? Faith. Now that’s a combination. Faith and strength plus the power to believe. That’s got to be the key.
As much as she tries to hold on to those three things.... the promise of no more pain, the promise of no more doctors telling her ‘try this and see what happens’, the promise of finally just being able to ‘sleep’,.. those forbidden promises could tempt even the stongest of individuals.
Even if it means no more walks with the moon, those forbidden promises haunt her. And sometimes... a girl’s got to do what a girl’s got to do.
A very beautiful and touching story. Thank you for posting it- I'm glad to have such a great submission for our new section.
WOW!!! That was so true and real to life hollypop!!! Your story is how I feel most of the days!!! I go through pain a lot, and sometimes I feel I can't get through it. I really hope you write more stories like this, that was so powerful and chilling!!!
