A New start of the Power of 3

[Edward Cullen]

A New start of the Power of 3
Chapter one
Paige’s Date

The sun rose that morning and the clock woke Paige. ”Oh it’s only six. Another hour.” Paige said and hit the snooze button. Just as she did this her phone went off she looked at the caller id it was Henry.” Hello you.” She said and then waited for her to talk and then he spoke.” Hey Paige, I want to see you to night around eight-o-clock.” Henry said then Paige answered back to him.” Ok where do you want to meet?” Paige asked then Henry answered her in a slink voice. “I want to pick you up tonight Ok.” Henry told her. Then with that he hung up. Then Paige got up and dressed for the day and then she went to the kitchen and then sat down Billie was there she was eating a piece of toast.” Hey Billie. How are you this morning?” Paige asked to Billie, “I am ok but piper isn’t having a good one.” Billie told her and then got up to go to her room to get ready for school and then on the other side of town Phoebe was just coming out of the shower and then a demon appeared. “Hello Phoebe.” The demon said with a smile then to his surprise she was ready for him when he busted into flames. Then she went to her room and got dressed and went to the manor and went up to the door and walked in and up to the attic. There she found Piper.” Piper what are you doing?” She asked and sat next to her.” Nothing just looking for someone to help bring Leo back.” Piper told her sister then phoebe got up and smiled and started to walk out and then said.” Will get him back Piper.” Then walked out of the room. Paige was in town looking for something to where and then walked in to a cute store and got this red dress that came with pink shoes a red ear rings. She went to the manor and stared to get ready it was seven thirty. When she got out of the Shower she put on her make-up. Then headed down stairs when phoebe bumped her and had a premonition. Paige was at a fancy restaurant and then saw a ring. Then she rushed to piper and told her. The door bell rang and Paige went down stairs and opened the door and Henry was in a great suit it was black. They went to a restaurant called “Chords” they went in. When they got to their table they had a great dinner and then
Henry said.” Paige we know each other for a long time now and we gone through a lot.” He stopped and look around” So I know your magic and I’m ok with that and you know everything about me and we both have feelings for each other. So what I am trying to say is …. Will you Marry Me?” Henry said and it was a shock to Paige.” Oh My God!?” She said with a smile” Yes I will.” She said then Henry started to breath and then he kissed her. Back at the manor Paige Went in side and all the lights were off and when she turned them on Piper, Billie, and Phoebe were there. Paige told them the date it was in a week. Then Paige went to bed and Woke up the next day and went and thought that it was a dream until she saw that there was a ring on her finger

[hollypop]

Not Bad

Actually, it's a pretty good start.

But if I can give you a few words of advice? When it comes to the dialogue, remember that in order for your story to 'flow' better and to give the readers a better way to read your story, keep the dialogue separate from the descriptive sentences.

Actually, the only way I know how to really tell you how to do this is to show an example. It probably isn't a perfect example but I think that you'll get an idea of what I mean.

An example I made up:

Hi Paige, Piper said as she walked into the room. Noticing that she was staring strangely out the window and wondering what could possibly be wrong this time, of course the question had to be asked. What's wrong? Did you and Henry have an argument? No, said Paige. I, well, I think I'm pregnant.

here's how I would write it:

"Hi Paige." Piper said as she walked into the room.

Noticing that she was staring strangely out the window and wondering what could possibly be wrong this time, of course the question had to be asked.

"What's wrong? Did you and Henry have an argument?".

"No." said Paige. " I, well... I think I'm pregnant".

Like I said, I could be wrong but I think that you at least get an idea of what I mean about a story flowing better.

I hope this helps.

[melindaavatar]

I agree the way u write the dialogue makes the story uncl3ar