The Rising Cost Of Education

[noazmale]

CHARMED
“The Rising Cost of Education”
By J. B. Tilton (a.k.a. NoAzMale) and Teri Thibeault (a.k.a. Tessalynne)
Emails:
[e-mail] [e-mail]
Rating: K

Disclaimer: “Charmed” and all related characters and events are the property of the WB television network, except for those characters specifically created for this story. This is a work of fan fiction and no infringement of copyright is intended.

* * *

When Cole’s student loans become due, he discovers there’s hell to pay. Literally.

* * *

ONE

Phoebe, Paige, and Cole lounged in a booth at P3. It had been a great day. Not even a hint of a demon had popped up. Leo came over to the booth carrying drinks for all of them. Piper had stepped behind the bar temporarily to give the regular bartender a break. P3 bustled busily with the Friday night crowd.

They had been chit chatting about nothing in particular. Even though demonic bounty hunters were still after Cole, he said it would be at least a few days before any of them would realize they were following a false trail. The opportunity to relax was a welcome respite.

“Now that one certainly looks out of place,” Paige indicated a man who had just entered the club.

The man appeared to be in his mid 50s. His nondescript brown suit did nothing to flatter the short, squat frame it draped. The extra lights near the club entrance danced in merry reflection across his nearly bald head. One hand clutched a briefcase tightly to his body. The other busily pushed the wire-rimmed glasses he was wearing back into place on the bridge of his nose, only to have them begin to slide again almost immediately. The eyes behind the lenses were scanning the crowd as though he was looking for someone.

“It’s almost nine o’clock,” Phoebe noted with curiosity when her eyes found the odd little man. “Why would someone be carrying a briefcase around at this time of night?”

“Probably just a businessman,” Cole suggested with a shrug. “Maybe he just got off work and decided to stop in for a drink to unwind. I’ve known a lot of lawyers who do that.”

“In here?” Paige questioned. “He sure doesn’t look like he would be interested in this kind of music.”

You never know,” said Cole as they watched the man make his way to the bar.

He spoke with Piper for a few minutes. They all saw Piper glance at them a couple of times. Just then the bartender returned and Piper led the man over to where they were sitting.

“Cole, this gentleman wants to speak with you.”

“Yes?” Cole questioned.

“Are you Coleridge Benjamin Turner?” the man asked. “Son of Benjamin and Elizabeth Turner? Most recently employed as an Assistant District Attorney in the San Francisco District Attorney’s office? Born in 1885?”

“Most of that is accurate,” Cole answered guardedly. “But you obviously have inaccurate information on my date of birth. I think it’s quite clear I’m not over a hundred years old.”

“Curious,” said the man. “Usually we’re much more thorough than that. My records are usually very accurate. You go by the pseudonym Belthazor, do you not?”

Everyone tensed. If this man knew who Cole was he might be a demon. Maybe even one of the bounty hunters now searching for him. And with P3 packed as it was right now, a lot of innocents could be hurt or killed if he attacked.

“Who are you and what do you want?” Piper demanded.

“I’m sorry,” said the man, “but is there some place we could talk privately? This noise is so distracting.”

“Let’s go back to the office,” suggested Leo.

Piper agreed. At least in the office they wouldn’t have to risk any innocents. Or exposing magic to the mortal world. She led them back to the office and then closed – and locked – the door behind them. The girls stood ready for any aggression this stranger might offer.

“Okay, who are you?” Piper again demanded.

“I’m afraid my business is with Mr. Turner,” said the man.

“Whatever business you have with him you have with us,” Phoebe insisted. “What are you, a bounty hunter?”

“Bounty hunter?” the man questioned. “Goodness no. They’re much too violent a breed for me. As I said, my business is with Mr. Turner.”

“Anything you have to say to me you can say in front of them,” said Cole. “We don’t have any secrets between each other.”

“Very well,” said the man. “My name is Mytton K. Subotski II, Mr. Turner. And from your reaction I assume you’re the man I’m looking for? The one who also goes by the name Belthazor?”

“I used to,” said Cole. “If you’re not a bounty hunter then what is this all about?”

“The contract, of course,” said Subotski. “Surely you haven’t forgotten about it? The terms were quite explicit and spelled out in great detail. And you voluntarily executed the contract, as I understand it. It’s all quite legal, I can assure you.”

“What contract?” Piper asked.

“The contract with the Underworld Guaranteed Student Financial Competency and Deferment Division, of course,” said Subotski. “It’s a standard contractual agreement entered into by all upper level demons that plan to remain on the mortal plane and establish a legitimate identity here. It is required by the Otherworld Socio-Political Educational Equivalency Commission.”

“You’re with the Underworld Guaranteed Student Financial Competency and Deferment Division?” Cole’s surprise was evident in his voice.

“Of course,” said Subotski.

“Cole, what is it?” Phoebe asked, glancing curiously between the two men. “Do you know this guy?”

“Not personally,” Cole said hesitantly, “but I am familiar with the Underworld Guaranteed Student Financial Competency and Deferment Division.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” Subotski removed a document from his briefcase. “Now, as to the terms of this contract Mr. Turner...”

“What contract?” Leo interrupted.

“This one,” Subotski indicated the document he held somewhat impatiently. “The contract between Mr. Turner and the Underworld Guaranteed Student Financial Competency and Deferment Division.”

“He’s here about my student loans,” Cole explained.

[Fourever Charmed]

lmao! I love how they keep repeating, "The Underworld Guaranteed Student Financial Competency and Deferment Division." And then Cole just blurts it out in simple terms. I think that's great. I'm eager to know what the debt is and how Cole will have to go about paying it.

[noazmale]

TWO

“He’s a bureaucracy demon?” Piper asked in disbelief.

“Underworld Administrative Assistant, if you don’t mind,” said Subotski. “Bureaucracy demon has such a negative connotation to it. Now, about the contract…”

“Hold on,” Phoebe interrupted the little man this time. “Student loan? He went to college how many decades ago? I would have thought those would have been taken care of years ago.”

“Oh, the mortal ones were,” said Subotski. “This is in reference to the underworld student loans.”

“Demonic student loans?” Paige asked. “They have such things?”

“Yes,” said Cole. “As Mr. Subotski said, it’s for upper level demons that plan to stay on the mortal plane. The training centers help the demons learn how to live among mortals and blend in with humans. It’s not easy training a demon to do that. It’s a lengthy process.”

“And very expensive schooling, hence the need for the student loans,” said Subotski.

“Okay, hold on a second. Cole, you’re half human,” Phoebe reminded him pointedly. “You should have been able to naturally blend in with humans. Why would you need to go to school for it?”

“Actually, I didn’t,” Cole clarified. “But I had to have the credentials if I wanted to stay on the mortal plane. In order to get the credentials I needed documentation. The only place to get the documentation I needed was at the demonic training centers.”

“If the little history lesson is over, can we get on with this?” Subotski asked impatiently. “I have four more demons to contact today and I’d like to try and get home before sunrise for a change.”

“Of course,” said Cole.

“Just slow down there mister,” Piper insisted. “Not so fast. We need to know exactly what’s going on here.”

“Piper,” Cole said quietly, smiling through clenched teeth, “I’ll explain everything later. Remember, it’s not a good idea to make an Underworld Administrative Assistant angry or upset. This isn’t going to take long, I promise you.”

“Piper, Cole is right,” said Leo. “Let’s just let him get on with it and if you have any questions we can answer them later.”

Piper remembered what Leo and Cole had told them the first time they had encountered bureaucracy demons. Bureaucracy demons are the most heinous kind. All they care about is their paperwork. No spell, no power, no potion affects them. And if you annoy them, they just get worse. All you can do is do what they ask so they’ll leave.

“Now,” said Subotski, “do you prefer to be called Belthazor or Turner?”

“I go by Cole Turner now.”

“Very well, Mr. Turner. “Now, before we begin I’m required to swear you in. As an attorney I’m sure you’re aware of the necessity for such a formality.”

“I am,” said Cole.

“Fine, fine. Now, you aren’t going to lie to me, are you?”

“No, I’m not,” said Cole.

“Great,” said Subotski. “That’s taken care of.”

“That’s an oath?” Phoebe shook her head in disbelief.

“It’s as good as any,” said Subotski. “Mr. Turner, it appears you did, in fact, attend all the appropriate and requisite schooling. With quite an impressive grade point average, I might add. And per the normal clause in the contract your student loans became due twenty-five years from the date of your graduation.”

“Yes,” said Cole. “At the time I received a deferment for repayment.”

“So it says here,” said Subotski. “In fact, I see three deferments. The first one was at your request after the initial due date. You were deferred for a period of ten years.”

“Yes, that’s correct.”

“I also see a second deferment at the request of the Brotherhood of the Thorn”

“That’s also correct,” said Cole. “I believe it was for a period of another ten years.”

“So it would seem,” said Subotski. “Hmm, let’s see now. Your third deferment was two years ago at the request of the Triad.”

“That’s right,” said Cole. “But it was my understanding this deferment was for an indefinite period of time.”

“Initially it was,” said Subotski. “However, when we received notification that the Triad had been vanquished that negated the deferment. Page 22, section 3, paragraph 5 clearly stipulates that deferments are only granted as long as you are gainfully employed. When the Triad were vanquished that immediately terminated your employment with them making the entire student loan due and payable immediately.”

“The entire thing?” Paige questioned. “That doesn’t seem fair.”

“A necessity I’m afraid,” said Subotski. “You have no idea how many demons complete their schooling and then refuse to gain employment. That clause was necessary to preclude such incidents.”

“A lazy demon, imagine that,” Piper interjected sarcastically.

“I understand completely Mr. Subotski,” Cole shot a warning glance in Piper’s direction.

“I’m glad to see you’re being so agreeable. Many demons in your position come up with an endless array of excuses why they should be granted yet another extension.”

“No,” said Cole, “I’m sure we’ll be able to work out a reasonable repayment schedule.”

“Yes, well,” said Subotski, “you see I’m afraid that’s not possible. The entire amount is due and payable immediately.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Phoebe exclaimed.

“I’m afraid it’s the law,” said Subotski. “The rules regarding repayment schedules are very clear. Page 87, part 2, paragraph 3, subsections a and b clearly apply in this instance. Any demon that vanquishes their employer is permanently prohibited from future deferments or extensions or a repayment schedule. And, according to the official records, Mr. Turner personally vanquished the entire Triad. Making him ineligible for any type of payment schedule.”

“Yes, I did,” said Cole.

“In addition,” said Subotski, “it is assumed that such vanquishings are motivated, in part, by an attempt to get out of repaying the student loans. So underworld law quadruples all penalties and interest is compounded exponentially. I’m afraid what you owe is quite substantial.”

“You’ve got to be kidding,” Piper nearly shouted. “That’s outrageous.”

“It’s the law I’m afraid,” said Subotski. “Am I correct in assuming you probably don’t have full payment at this time?”

“Not under those terms of penalties and interest, no,” Cole admitted with quiet hesitation.

“Then I’m afraid I have no choice,” Subotski said regretfully, removing an athame from his briefcase. “Failure to make full payment now leaves me with only one option. By underworld statute – and the regulations of the Otherworld Socio-Political Education Equivalency Commission – the only recourse available is immediate vanquishing.”

[Fourever Charmed]

That must be some athame, since Belthazor is only vanquishable by the Power of Three (a potion made with his flesh) or by The Source himself (as seen in "Charmed Again"). Perhaps it was blessed (or cursed) by The Source? *shrug* Anywho, please continue!

[noazmale]

THREE

“You can’t be serious?” Phoebe demanded in horror.

“Oh, I’m afraid that I’m quite serious,” Subotski replied. “According to Book 112, page 43, section 12, subsection 9, if payment is not made immediately, the investigating administrator – that being me – is required to procure payment in the form of vanquishment of the offending demon. It will be quick and relatively painless, I assure you. I’m quite good at this.”

“We aren’t going to just sit by and let you kill Cole,” Piper brought her hands up slowly as she spoke.

“I-I’m afraid there’s no choice,” Subotski sputtered nervously. “It’s the law. The law. Surely Mr. Turner understands that.”

“Understanding it and agreeing with it are two different things. There must be some other way to work this out,” Cole suggested in an attempt to defuse the situation.

“Well, there is the exchange clause.”

“What’s that?” Leo asked.

“Mr. Turner agrees to exchange his services in lieu of actual repayment,” said Subotski. “It’s a standard clause in most contracts.”

“What sort of services?” Cole inquired a bit sharply.

“You would work for the Underworld Guaranteed Student Financial Competency and Deferment Division Training Division in an instructor capacity to pay off your debt.”

“But Cole isn’t a bureaucracy – I mean Underworld Administrative Assistant,” Phoebe corrected herself quickly.

“Oh, that’s not a problem. We have many ‘regular’ demons working at the Underworld Guaranteed Student Financial Competency and Deferment Division. But I’m afraid that the amount Mr. Turner owes would require a very lengthy period of servitude.”

“How lengthy?” Cole asked.

“About two hundred years,” said Subotski.

“Two hundred years?!!” Phoebe shouted.

“It is better than being vanquished,” said Subotski.

“He has a point there,” Cole observed sardonically.

“Cole,” Paige who had been quietly looking over the contract drew the group’s attention “every place this is signed it’s signed ‘Belthazor’.”

“Of course,” said Subotski. “They are demonic student loans after all. Technically humans are not eligible for them.”

“But we stripped Belthazor from Cole weeks ago,” said Paige. “Since Cole’s name isn’t on the contract doesn’t that mean he’s not liable for them? Especially since he’s human?”

“It is common knowledge that Belthazor and Cole Turner are one and the same,” Subotski brushed off the argument. “The actual name is just a technicality.”

“Of course you wouldn’t dream of bringing up a technicality,” Piper interjected dryly.

“And didn’t you say humans aren’t eligible for demonic student loans?” Phoebe added her thoughts quickly to the exchange. “Doesn’t that mean that the laws applicable to them aren’t binding on humans?”

“Of course,” said Subotski. “They apply to demons since they are demonic loans.”

“Then how can they apply to Cole?” Leo asked reasonably. “As Paige said, they stripped Belthazor from Cole. Cole Turner is human. Even if he signed the contract as Belthazor the laws shouldn’t apply to him.”

“Hmmm,” Subotski seemed to consider. “You do have a point. But genetically he’s still half demon.”

“But he has no powers,” Phoebe argued. “Or even a demonic form. From our standpoint he’s an innocent. Doesn’t being a demon necessitate that he has demonic powers? If one of us lost our powers we wouldn’t be a witch any more. We’ve proven that more than once. Doesn’t that work the same way for a demon?”

“I don’t know,” Subotski said slowly. “I’ve never encountered a this type of situation before.”

“Shouldn’t you at least check on it before you just kill me?” Cole asked pointedly. “You wouldn’t want to violate one of your own rules.”

“Right you are,” said Subotski.

He reached into his briefcase and removed a book as large as the Book of Shadows. It should have been much too large for the case but as the girls had quite often witnessed, things are not always as they appear especially with magical beings and items. He sat the book on the desk in the office.

“Demonic definition,” said Subotski.

As if of its own accord the book opened and flipped through several pages. When the pages stopped flipping Subotski began to read.

“’Demon. Born to one or more parents of demonic heritage and usually identified by the possession of one or more special powers. Also normally identified by the particular form it takes. See Addendum three for descriptions of common demonic forms.’”

“See,” said Paige. “They have powers and a special form. Cole doesn’t have either any more.”

“Usually and normally,” said Subotski. “The definition implies there are demons without either special powers or special forms.”

“Name one,” Piper insisted.

“Cole Turner,” Subotski fired back rapidly.

“This isn’t getting us anywhere,” Leo said in frustration. “Belthazor was stripped from Cole effectively vanquishing his demonic half. Doesn’t that negate repayment of the loans since the signer was vanquished?”

”A valid question. “Vanquishing,” Subotski queried the tome.

“It’s a handy book,” Paige observed in some wonder as the books’ pages again began to flip. “Just tell it what you want and it turns right to it.”

“It does save me a great deal of time. Ah, here we are. Vanquishing. ‘Any demon who is vanquished before repayment of a loan is made is exempt from repayment of the remainder of said loan. This presupposes that the demon in question is unavailable for repayment. However, if a demon has their powers stripped in lieu of vanquishing, payment is still applicable since said demon is still available.’ Well, there you have it. You did mention you stripped Belthazor’s powers. So I’m afraid he still owes the full amount.”

“It won’t be so bad,” Cole said attempting to reassure Phoebe with a gentle hug. “At least with the exchange clause I’ll still be alive. And I’m sure they’ll let me visit from time to time. Not even the underworld works people 24/7.”

“Yeah, I suppose that’s something at least,” Phoebe murmured dejectedly.

“Well, I’m afraid there is more bad news. The exchange clause doesn’t apply in this case,” Subotski informed them hesitantly.

“What do you mean?” Cole exploded, his patience at an end. “What kind of games are you playing? You said it was a standard part of all contracts. Why did you even bring it up if it wasn’t an option?”

“No games, I assure you Mr. Turner. The clause is standard within all contracts. Unfortunately you have no powers. Without powers what are you going to teach? Good posture? Instructors at the Underworld Guaranteed Student Financial Competency and Deferment Division Training Division are required to have demonic powers in order to properly instruct young demons. Without your powers I’m afraid you don’t meet the criteria to be an instructor. I should not have offered the option until I was in possession of all the facts of this particular case,” Subotski seemed genuinely apologetic.

“And that means…” Phoebe began.

“It means,” Subotski said with resolve, “that we’re right back where we started from. Unless Mr. Turner is able to make full restitution immediately the only recourse available is immediate vanquishing.”

[Fourever Charmed]

But his powers weren't just stripped, Belthazor was actually killed, leaving only Cole's demonic side. How frustrating! (Cole did say that with the penalties, he couldn't pay. But what if they cut it in half, being that only half of Cole is there? I wonder if he'd be able to pay them? Probably not.) Okay, I'm done with my little fit of questions. lol Please update!

[noazmale]

FOUR

“You’re awfully quick to get back to the vanquishing, aren’t you?” Piper questioned bitingly.

“Oh, you’re a good one to talk,” said Subotski. “Do you have any idea just how many demons you’ve vanquished on sight?”

“This isn’t about me,” she shot back.

“That’s enough,” Cole interjected in frustration. “This is about me. There has to be some way to work this out.”

“I still think that since we vanquished Belthazor, Cole shouldn’t be held accountable,” Phoebe argued. “You just said a vanquished demon isn’t available to make repayment. Belthazor is definitely not available.”

“And as I also said, it is common knowledge that Belthazor and Turner are one and the same.”

“But wouldn’t that mean if one is vanquished the other one necessarily has to be vanquished as well?” Paige asked.

“Well, uh, I suppose that technically,” Subotski began to stammer.

“Isn’t that what you bureaucracy demons thrive on?” Phoebe asked. “Technicalities?”

“Please,” said Subotski, “Underworld Administrative Assistant.”

“They have a point,” said Leo. “If they’re the same you can’t vanquish one without vanquishing the other. It would seem to indicate that they are two separate entities.”

“That would seem logical,” said Subotski. “However, even if that were the case, I’m afraid it doesn’t change things much.” He turned the page on his book and began to read another passage. “’Any demon vanquished by a family member or close ally will be deemed to be attempting to circumvent repayment statutes. In this event the vanquishing party or the nearest living relative of the vanquished demon, to be determined by the investigating agent, shall be held accountable for full payment.’”

The group groaned in unison.

“You have got to be kidding! You honestly think any demon would have himself vanquished just to avoid repaying their student loans?” Paige asked.

“It has happened,” said Subotski. “And I believe that Mr. Turner and the middle sister are, shall we say, involved. Since you vanquished his demonic half I’m afraid it might get Belthazor off the hook but it would also mean that Mr. Turner would be considered his nearest living relative.”

“But Cole’s human,” said Leo. “You said yourself the rules don’t apply to humans.”

“That’s true,” said Subotski. “Then his nearest living demonic relative would be held liable for repayment.”

“Baldasor, my brother,” said Cole.

“Or Peter,” said Phoebe. “He is part demon. They might also hold him responsible for the loans.”

“ But technically we didn’t vanquish him,” said Piper. “Another witch used one of our power stripping potions on him thinking it was a vanquishing potion. She was trying to kill him so she could hardly be considered a close ally.”

“Using a potion you created,” Subotski insisted. “It could reasonably be argued that constitutes your involvement. Look, I’d really like to help you out, I really would. But the rules are quite clear in this matter.”

“What’s this?” Paige asked looking over Subotski’s shoulder at the book.

“What?” Subotski asked.

“This part here. ‘In the event that a vanquishing may or may not involve a family member or close ally, the field investigator shall have full authority to make a definitive determination regarding said vanquishing.’ What does that mean?”

“Oh,” said Subotski, “just that if there’s a question of whether a family member or close ally were involved then it’s up to the field investigator to make a determination in the matter.”

“Field investigator?” questioned Piper. “And that would be you?”

“In this case, yes,” said Subotski.

“Well, you just said that our making the potion could be construed as our involvement,” said Phoebe. “Doesn’t that mean our involvement is questionable?”

“I suppose so,” said Subotski. “It is a gray area that’s never been fully explored. It really doesn’t happen that much so the question has never been raised to my knowledge.”

“According to this,” said Cole, “you have the authority to make a determination in the matter. And it says a definitive determination. Which means that whatever your decision it will become established guidelines for future cases. I can’t imagine that happens very often.”

“No, as a matter of fact it doesn’t,” said Subotski. “But I’m afraid it doesn’t do much good. You see, even if I make a determination in your favor I would need two affidavits from independent sources stating that Belthazor had been vanquished.”

“We’ll all be glad to sign these affidavits for you,” said Phoebe. “That’s four, two more than you actually need.”

“And quite impossible,” said Subotski. “Since the rules don’t apply to humans any evidence they offer is also unacceptable. I’m afraid affidavits from even four humans wouldn’t carry any weight.”

“I’m not human,” said Leo. “I’m a White Lighter.”

“Well, that would make a difference,” said Subotski. “An affidavit from you would be quite acceptable. But without an affidavit from a second supernatural being it wouldn’t be enough, I’m afraid. Regulations clearly stipulate two affidavits. Plus they would have to have witnessed the vanquishing. You haven’t mentioned anyone else being there except another witch.”

“No, it was just us,” said Phoebe.

“Then unfortunately my hands are tied,” said Subotski. “There’s nothing else I can do.”

[Fourever Charmed]

Emma wasn't a witch, but her boyfriend that Cole killed was. And Paige is half whitelighter, but I'm sure that he would somehow manipulate it into saying that since Paige is only half, it wouldn't count. What I would like to see is the part where it stipulates that there must be affidavits to the vanquishing.

[noazmale]

FIVE

“This is one of the less pleasant aspects of my job,” Subotski shook his head with regret as he reached once more for the Athame. “I genuinely like you. Unfortunately I really am left in a position where I have no choice.”

“Just a second,” Paige said hurriedly. “You said the affidavit had to be from a supernatural being.”

“That’s right.”

“And the student loans are for demons?” Paige asked.

“Yes, I believe we’ve covered that all ready.”

“But Cole is half human,” said Paige.

“And half demon,” Subotski pointed out. “Or at least he was when he signed the contract. So that makes him eligible for the loans.”

“Well, wouldn’t that mean that an affidavit could be accepted from someone who’s, say, half human if they were also half supernatural?” Paige questioned.

“She’s right,” Phoebe said excitedly picking up on Paige’s train of thought. “And Paige is half White Lighter. Wouldn’t that be considered acceptable?”

“I don’t know. To my knowledge such a situation has never occurred before. Let’s find out. Half-breed,” Subotski called out.

“Hey, who are you calling a half-breed?” Paige demanded.

“My apologies Miss. The rules are updated quite regularly but I’m afraid that the Politically Correctness Division is a bit slow in updating the terminology. Ah, here it is.”

The pages of the book stopped flipping and Subotski began to read.

“’For regulatory purposes an individual of mixed breeding is considered of full blood status with regard to any and all applicable regulations and guidelines.’ Well, it would seem that being half White Lighter does authorize you to submit an affidavit. You did say you personally witnessed the vanquishing?”

“Yes, I did,” said Paige.

“I guess that just leaves the matter of your decision about whether use of their potion constitutes their involvement,” Cole said, a glimmer of a plan coming to him as he watched Subotski.

“So it would seem,” said Subotski. “A most difficult decision. Most difficult indeed.”

Subotski seemed to be waiting for something but neither the girls nor Leo had any clue as to what. While they had been talking he had been turning the pages of the book absentmindedly. He now sat quietly; his fingers no longer drumming, they seemed to almost caress the current page. Cole’s eyes drifted to the page and suddenly a brilliant smile bloomed on his face. The book was opened to a section entitled Dark Lighters.

“You know, Mytton, may I call you Mytton?” Cole asked pleasantly, “I really admire the way you’ve handled this matter. You’re very efficient and that’s extremely rare.”

“Why, thank you,” Subotski beamed. “It’s very kind of you to say so. It’s so rare that one is appreciated in my line of work.”

“I was wondering if a gratuity for such fine work would be out of line?” Cole asked.

“You want to bribe him?” Paige gasped.

“Certainly not,” Subotski huffed indignantly.

“No, of course not, not a bribe,” Cole’s voice was saccharine while his eyes shot daggers at the girls to ensure their silence. “A gratuity. Bribes are not allowed. But it’s perfectly acceptable to offer a gratuity to someone for an outstanding job.”

“Well,” said Subotski, “far be it from me to deprive you of the pleasure of expressing your gratitude if you’d like.”

“Good, excellent even” Cole continued pleasantly. “Of course, the gratuity itself would be dependent upon just exactly what the outcome of this rather complicated situation is.”

“That certainly seems -- reasonable,” Subotski agreed with equal pleasantness.

“Now I might be a bit too busy to pay the gratuity in person,” Cole continued suavely, becoming more confident of his plan each moment. “But I’m sure I could arrange to have a friend drop it off for me.”

“That’s a bit unorthodox,” Subotski said, a small trace of suspicion momentarily coloring his features, “but it should be acceptable I suppose.”

“That’s great, more than kind even,” Cole reassured him. “My friend’s name is Angelique, a lovely blond and a most charming lady in spite of being a Dark Lighter. Oh dear, her being a Dark Lighter isn’t going to be a problem is it?”

“A Dark Lighter? A blond Dark Lighter? Really?” Subotski perked up eagerly before remembering their audience. “Um, er, no that won’t be a problem, not a problem at all then.”

“Good,” Cole smiled again. “ And I’m sure Angelique will be very grateful for the wonderful assistance you’ve provided me. Very grateful indeed.”

“Really?” Subotski asked happily. “Very grateful?”

“Very,” Cole reiterated. “We’ve been friends for a very long time.”

“I see,” said Subotski obviously struggling to maintain a businesslike demeanor. “Well, after considering all the evidence I would say the sister’s role played no substantial active part in the vanquishing of Belthazor. After all, you can hardly be held accountable for someone else’s actions, now can you? Even if those actions did involve the use of a potion you had created. Contingent on the filing of the affidavits regarding Belthazor’s’ vanquishing I’ll file a ruling that the requirements regarding repayment of the loans has been met.”

“Does that mean he doesn’t have to repay them?” Phoebe asked.

“Yes, it does. The entire matter will be closed.”

“That’s excellent,” said Cole. “When will Leo and Paige be able to file the affidavits?”

“Why not have your friend drop them off with the gratuity?” Subotski offered quickly. “To make things more simple, of course.”

“Sounds good to me,” said Cole. “I’ll have them fill out the affidavits right away.”

“I’m off on Tuesday,” Subotski said handing Cole a card. “She can drop them off any time.”

“I’ll be sure to tell her that,” Cole said with a wink at Subotski.

“Well, I suppose that concludes our business,” Subotski placed the book and loan contract in his briefcase and closed it with a snap. “It’s been a pleasure, Mr. Turner.”

“Same here. I’ll be sure to have Angelique deliver the gratuity on Tuesday.”

“That will be fine, just fine.”

The girls held their tongues until Subotski had left the club. Then Cole found himself the object of three disbelieving stares.

“I can’t believe you bribed him,” Piper exclaimed in amazement. “And what are you now? A pimp?”

“Cole Turner…” Phoebe began in outrage.

“Whoa, easy now, it’s not like that,” Cole explained reasonably. “It’s not a bribe, it’s a gratuity. And I honestly will provide him with a gratuity. Nothing elaborate but enough to be considered legitimate. As for being a pimp, I simply offered to have Angelique deliver the gratuity.”

“It sure sounded like you pimped out a Dark Lighter to me,” Paige said bluntly.

“Believe it or not,” said Cole, “it’s a very common practice to offer a ‘gratuity’ to an investigating officer. And just for the record I didn’t offer Angelique to him. I simply said she’d be delivering the gratuity. I can’t be held accountable for any inferences he might draw from that.”

“You sure didn’t discourage him from drawing any inferences either,” Phoebe reminded him sharply. “And just how do you think Angelique is going to feel about his little inferences?”

Cole shrugged lightly and sent her an impish grin. “With Angelique, who knows? She has always had a bit of a soft spot for the bookish type. And trust me, she is more than capable of handling one little amorous Underworld Administrative Assistant if she isn’t interested.”

“At least they won’t be vanquishing you,” Phoebe sighed. “That seems a bit harsh over something as simple as student loans.”

“Not if you knew what constituted demonic student loans,” said Cole.

“So just what does constitute demonic student loans?” Piper asked.

“Trust me,” said Cole, “you really don’t want to know the answer to that.”

The End

If you’ve enjoyed this story, you can find more “Charmed” stories at my website, www.geocities.com/killeenmale/. You can also post your own “Charmed” stories if you like to write fan fiction.

[Fourever Charmed]

LOL I wasn't sure if Angelique was even real at first. But now that Cole has talked about her, I'd kind of like to "meet" her. Maybe she should appear in another story? Oh, and Paige's line, "It sure sounded like you pimped out a Dark Lighter to me," was freakin' classic! Not to mention, I loved how you utilized Paige. She does have a sharp mind and I'm glad that you were able to bring that out, instead of burying it like Kern.

Great story!

[noazmale]

Well, thank you for the high praise. It's always nice to know that people are appreciating my stories. And about getting Paige involved, I like to think (and have had people mention) that I have a pretty good handle on the characters in the show. AS for using Angelique in a future story, to be honest I used her in this story because I created her for another story I had written earlier. She will be showing up when I post that story. And I know I used her in at least one other story as well. And who knows? Like another of my creations, Malevant, Angelique is a really fun character to write so it's very likely I might have a storyline where she'll come in useful again.

Jerry