Post by Esmeralda on Aug 8, 2008 10:44:14 GMT -5
The Notebook
by Esmeralda
by Esmeralda
Paige Matthews finished setting up her easel and paints in the sunny corner of her new bedroom. She was so glad there was a window with a southern exposure. She never had a lot of natural light shining into her loft, so she could never really do the sort of paintings she wanted to do.
She stopped for a moment and turned to look at the big box sitting in the middle of her new bed, the new bed that used to be her oldest half-sister's, Prue Halliwell's. Her other two half-sisters, Piper and Phoebe Halliwell, had told her that they couldn’t bring themselves to put away all of Prue’s stuff. They said that she, Paige, could put anything she didn't want in the box that now sat on her bed. Piper and Phoebe would decide what to do with Prue’s things later. Paige understood. She remembered how tough it was to break down her parents' room after their death. She could do this for her new half-sisters.
Besides, she was hoping that all of this extra stuff would give her a chance to get to know the oldest half-sister that she would never get a chance to know in real life.
Now she wasn't so sure if that was such a good idea after all. She thought of all the framed magazine pages and covers that had hung on the wall. Each one was signed "Photographs by Prue Halliwell". Prue had been a photographer, a talented photographer, talented enough to have her photographs published. Paige liked to paint, but just as a hobby. She knew she didn't have that much talent. She'd never be good enough to have her work published or displayed in a gallery.
Maybe she should've kept up one or two of the framed pages, like maybe she should've kept a couple of the many photographs she had found. Her half-sisters probably would've liked that. And maybe when she was done she might put a few of them back.
But she wasn't sure if she should because she didn't like all of those constant reminders of how much Prue had meant to Piper and Phoebe and what huge shoes Paige had to fill by moving into this building, this room. She knew how much doing this...giving up the room...hurt her half-sisters, but they all agreed that it was necessary for her safety. She couldn't help wondering if her half-sisters would've even invited her to move in if it wasn’t for this whole Charmed Ones thing. Well, Phoebe might have. Phoebe truly seemed excited about the idea of a new sister who could become a new friend.
However, when it came to Piper, Paige doubted it. She knew how close to Prue Piper had always been--she very seldom had a conversation with Piper without Prue's name coming up in some way. Allowing another woman to try to take Prue's place in Piper's heart would not come easy, if ever. Piper had already called her "sister" a number of times, but Paige wondered if she would ever be Piper's sister in anything but name only. She also wondered if that's why Phoebe had been so accepting so quickly. It was obvious that like her, when it came to Prue and Piper, Phoebe always felt like the outsider looking in.
Thinking of being an outsider reminded Paige of something. There was one place where she wasn't an outsider and never would be. She'd always felt like she belonged at South Bay Social Services from the moment she first walked into the building. She smiled as she glanced up to see the white tassel on the corner of the dresser and thought of the diploma that hung in her cubicle. She had gone to college and had earned her degree. Her parents were proud of her. So was she.
The smile rapidly turned into a frown as she remembered the gold tassel hanging in that spot not that long ago. Prue was an honor student, unlike Paige. And Paige remembered the diploma she had taken down from the wall. Prue had her master’s, not just her bachelor’s like Paige. She remembered the photograph she had taken down that showed Prue when she worked for Buckland's. Prue had had an office. Paige had a cubicle.
And Prue had sisters. Paige remembered the pictures she had taken down from the dresser, pictures showing Prue with Piper and Phoebe, the huge smiles on all their faces, their arms around one another, the closeness and the love that just seemed to emanate from those pictures. Paige should've had the chance to be part of those pictures, to feel that love, that closeness. Yes, she was close to her parents, close to her aunt and uncle, but it wasn't the same. It just wasn't the same. She'd grown up without the sisters she should've had. Would she ever get to feel that sisterly feeling with them? Would they ever have slumber parties or share secrets about boys with her like you could tell they had with Prue?
Boys. Thinking about boys made Paige think of all the pictures she had seen of Prue with the tall handsome guy she knew was Andy, pictures from when they were just kids to when they were high school sweethearts to only a couple years ago. It was so very obvious how much Prue still loved him, even though he died two years before Prue.
At age 24, Paige had yet to have a real boyfriend. Even Shane, the guy she was with when her half-sisters first found her, was just a one-night stand, nothing like what Prue had with Andy.
But there was Glenn. Paige smiled as she thought about her very best friend who she could tell anything. But despite having slept with him, she wondered if Glenn would ever be anything besides her friend, especially if he stayed in Australia. Andy had left Prue to go to college in Portland, had even married there. But as soon as he came back to San Francisco, he and Prue became just as close as they had been before he left. If it wasn’t for that witch-thing, they might have been married. Would Glenn be able to handle the witch-thing? If Prue and Andy couldn’t make it, could she and Glenn?
And Piper and Phoebe kept treating her like she was a baby. She wasn't a baby. She was an adult. How could she ever grow if they kept treating her like a baby?
Was moving into this room really such a good idea?
All these thoughts and doubts were weighing heavily on her mind and made it hard for her to keep standing. She flopped down onto the bed and sighed resignedly while giving herself a good shaking. Why am I beating myself up over this? I'm a good person and I've proven I'm a good witch. I don't have to be Prue and if that's what Piper or Phoebe want me to be, it's something I can't be and won't be. I'll just be myself, and if that's not enough, well, tough!
As Paige rolled over to stare out the window, she caught a glimpse of something half-hidden in the shadows of the partially-opened nightstand drawer. Curiosity got the better of her and she pulled open the drawer the rest of the way to reveal a small, well-loved notebook with a pen still clipped to the front cover. Carefully picking up the book, she turned it over and over in her hands. It was similar in size to a journal and there was no writing on the front or spine to indicate exactly what the contents were.
Taking a seat in the window, she quickly glanced around the room to confirm that no one else was there and then gently cracked the notebook open--all the while feeling very much like she did when she was a little girl and used to sneak cookies out of the cookie jar. A wave of guilt, coupled with second thoughts, passed through her as she flipped to the first page of the book and started to read the distinctive flowing script that was her oldest half-sister’s handwriting.
The story contained within the pages brought a smile to Paige’s face as she read Prue’s initial misgivings about becoming a witch--something they both had in common. She continued to read, unable to put the notebook down.
Even after all these initial doubts, her oldest half-sister had apparently accepted this so-called “destiny” for what it was and was bound and determined that if she had to be a witch, she was going to be the best one possible. This was evidenced by page after page after page of writing meticulously detailing every innocent Prue and her sisters had saved and lost in the past three years, along with all the various evils and baddies they had faced along the way. Tears pricked at the corners of Paige’s eyes as she read the date on the most recent entry--May 15, 2001...two days before Prue’s death at the hands of Shax.
Shax. At least she and Piper and Phoebe had been able to do something that Prue, Piper and Phoebe couldn't do...vanquish Shax. Taking out the pen, she began to write:
I’ll do this for you, “big sister” who I'll never know, for you. We kicked the a$$ of the baddie who took you away from your other sisters and soon we will kick the a$$ of the big baddie who sent him. I know I'll never be the sister, the woman, the witch you were, but I can help your sisters continue your destiny, because it's not done, even if your life is. I'm going to continue to keep track of all the innocents we save and all the innocents we lose, along with all the baddies we vanquish, all in honor of you.Smiling, Paige closed the book and returned it to its spot. Then, walking over to the bed, she removed one framed picture from the box and brought it over to the dresser, setting it up on one side of the dresser. She smiled at the picture of her half-sisters all dressed up for Halloween--as witches. Of all the pictures she'd found, this was her favorite, and it would be a reminder to her as to why it was okay for her to be in this room. She was a witch, a Charmed One, a member of the Power of Three, someone who could help her half-sisters continue the destiny they had started with Prue. She was here for that reason and no other. But that was okay. She was happy with who she was and would follow Prue's example of being the best witch, the best Charmed One, she could possibly be.
Opening one of the dresser drawers, she drew out another framed picture. She didn't think she should put this one out, but now she knew she would. When she first met her half-sisters and when they first invited her into this house, this room, she was hoping that maybe someday she'd legally change her name to Paige Halliwell. Now she knew better. Setting the framed picture of her true parents on the other side of the dresser, she knew who she would always be...Paige Matthews.
Es, I absolutely loved this.
