Post by Esmeralda on Nov 1, 2008 17:03:46 GMT -5
As always, this is dedicated to my wonderful betas...Primrose_Empath, Aurora Nightstar and Silverstar03. Without them, this story could not have been written.
November 25, 1989
Dear Diary,
Well, I finally found my way into Barry's heart today, but not quite how I originally planned it.
Yeah, today's the day I was to give that darn Class Secretary speech. Nothing besides the thought of being on the Student Council with Barry could have given me the courage to make a speech in front of the whole school. I did it for us. Well, I tried to do it…
Wouldn’t you know it? I had to give my speech right after Missy, Miss Blonde-and-Perfect. You would think this girl was a rock star after the thunderous applause she got. I didn’t know how I’d find the guts to walk up to the podium after her. And then Barry walked up beside me.
“Come on, don’t let me down,” he whispered and then he gave me two big thumbs up. I cringed at his words, needing the encouragement, but dreading what I had to do next. What if I did let him down? I think he sensed my feelings, because he leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. My face turned so red, I could feel the heat radiating off it.
But I had no time to respond, because before I knew it the principal was introducing me. As I walked out onto the stage my stomach turned to knots. Remember that Brady Bunch rerun I watched last night? Well, before I started my speech, I looked out into the audience and tried to picture the entire audience in their underwear. I will never take advice from the television again. At first glance, my eyes fell on Miss Blonde-and-Perfect laughing at me! Thinking of her in her underwear didn’t relax me or make me want to laugh; it just made me want to run off the stage and throw up!
The next person I saw was the very last person I expected. Phoebe! I couldn’t believe it. She actually cut class just to watch and support me. I was so shocked and appreciated her support so much that I didn’t even tell Grams on her. I still can’t believe that my little sister skipped school and then snuck into the high school, something I’d never dreamed of doing when I was her age.
Well, Diary, you can imagine how the audience reacted to my presence on stage. Phoebe might have been smiling and cheering me on, and I knew Prue was out there somewhere, but they were the only ones. There were whispers running up and down the aisles. I couldn’t make out all the words, but I knew what they were all saying. They were trying to figure out who I was. In the end, I’m sure they satisfied themselves with this answer: I was a nobody.
All of these thoughts and feelings ran through my head as I stood onstage clutching the podium. When I finally glanced over at Barry for encouragement, I saw him frowning at me and covering his face. That’s when it hit me--I had been silent much too long.
I opened my mouth and not a single word came out! No, I’m not kidding! I began to panic, and in my panic I couldn’t think of a single word of my speech. I was just standing there, feeling stupid, wishing I could freeze the entire audience so I could get my thoughts together. I told myself to take a deep breath, to take a moment to gather my thoughts, but the longer I stood there silent, the deeper I was digging my grave. Barry and I had practiced my speech so many times, and I really wanted to be able to do it for him, and still I just couldn’t do it.
Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, Prue stepped up to the stage, acting as if she was my guardian angel. I was in shock when the entire audience went silent, but I guess I shouldn’t have been so surprised. They gave Prue their undivided attention because they knew who she was…current Student Council President and chief cheerleader. She wasn’t me–a nobody. I wanted to cry when I saw how easily she grabbed their attention. Oh, they wanted to hear every word she was getting ready to say. And she said plenty––my entire speech––which makes sense, since as you well know, she wrote the whole thing for me. With Prue as my writer and Barry as my coach, all I had to do was give the stupid thing. They couldn’t have made it any easier for me, and I had failed.
Standing there as Prue flashed a smile at the crowd, I surprised myself. My first feelings of humiliation, jealousy, and inferiority flew aside, to be replaced by relief. I was relieved that I didn’t have to give the stupid speech; the speech that belonged to Prue and Barry so much more than it belonged to me. I told myself, “It’s just a speech,” but then I looked at Barry. His eyes were on the floor, his face bright red.
Barry’s reaction forced me to take another look at Prue, and anger replaced my relief just as easily as relief had replaced my embarrassment. Yeah, I probably should have been thanking her, but I was so angry. Why couldn’t she just let me solve my own problems? Grams said she did it out of love, but I think she just likes butting in. She does it all the time. Sometimes I hate her for it, but I think most of the time that hate stems from jealousy. Why does she have to be so good at everything while I’m so lousy at everything? Why can’t I be the one to give powerful speeches, have people listen to me and take me seriously? Why can’t people look up to me? It’s because I’m the middle sister. I hate being the middle sister. Everyone always compares me to Prue. If Prue wasn’t around, then they wouldn't. Why couldn’t I be the oldest? I want to be the one to save the day for my sisters. I want to be the hero. Is it possible to hate and love someone at the same time? That’s how I feel about Prue. I do love her; she’s my big sister and at times my best friend. I know she was only trying to help me today, but at the same time I wonder how she was helping me. By finishing my speech for me? By always protecting me, never letting me do anything for myself? At this rate, I’ll never have the chance to save the day or be the hero.
During English class I heard my classmates chuckling at my humiliation. I expected it, but it didn’t make me feel any better when I heard them congratulating Miss Perfect on what a great speech she gave. I’m sure she’s going to become Class Secretary.
In class we were going over Stephen King’s Carrie. I could so identify with her--a social misfit. Yet unlike me, she was special. She had powers. She could make them regret what they did. How I envy that! As I sat in class I wondered what it would it be like to have powers, to change my destiny. I’m sure it couldn’t hurt to make a few students disappear every now and then, to thin out the popular herd by a student or two. Would girls like Missy really be missed? I’d like to think the world would be better off without girls like her, but then I think of Prue who, in reality, is just as perfect and popular as Missy.
My world, unfortunately, is nothing like those in the Stephen King novels I’ve read. I can’t do anything to alter the world around me. After my disastrous speech, Barry was gone. I feared he’d want nothing to do with me, and I was determined to figure out a way to make up with him. He is, after all, the only reason high school is even worth going to.
So, after school, Grams help me make a big plate of chocolate fudge brownies. They’re his favorite. We wrapped them in a fancy box Grams had lying around the house, topped it with a big blue bow, and then she drove me over to Barry’s. I couldn’t thank Grams enough.
When we finally got to Barry’s I was dejected, not thinking he’d let me into his house, but I was desperate enough to try. Before he could say a word, I shoved the box into his hands. I think I was shaking as he opened it, but, oh, the look he gave me when he had a mouthful of my brownies—it was that admiring look that all the other students gave to Miss Blonde-and-Perfect! Before I knew it, he was apologizing for putting so much pressure on me with the election. He insisted that we could do other things together, that it didn’t have to be Student Council, and offered to take me to the movies. It's the first time we’ve gone out since he decided that we should run for Council. I smiled and waved at Grams as we headed for Barry’s car. “Be home by curfew!” she called, and I laughed. I’ve heard her use that phrase so often with my sisters, but never with me. That felt so good.
At the movies we even sat in the back row of the theatre, and he put his arm around me and even let me cuddle into his chest when the movie got scary. I have to go to scary movies with him more often. Phoebe loves scary movies, and I think this may be why.
I guess it’s true what they say. The way to a man’s heart is though his stomach. Grams always says that no one can throw food together better than I can and that someday it will make me special. I finally think I believe her. Tonight I was special in Barry’s eyes, and one day through my cooking, everyone will know who I am. I’m not just the middle sister. I’m much more than that.
(NOTES: Cupid named Barry as Piper's high-school sweetheart and Phoebe used to skip school. And of course everyone remembers Miss Blonde and Perfect Missy! I have one more entry if anyone wants to read it.)
November 25, 1989
Dear Diary,
Well, I finally found my way into Barry's heart today, but not quite how I originally planned it.
Yeah, today's the day I was to give that darn Class Secretary speech. Nothing besides the thought of being on the Student Council with Barry could have given me the courage to make a speech in front of the whole school. I did it for us. Well, I tried to do it…
Wouldn’t you know it? I had to give my speech right after Missy, Miss Blonde-and-Perfect. You would think this girl was a rock star after the thunderous applause she got. I didn’t know how I’d find the guts to walk up to the podium after her. And then Barry walked up beside me.
“Come on, don’t let me down,” he whispered and then he gave me two big thumbs up. I cringed at his words, needing the encouragement, but dreading what I had to do next. What if I did let him down? I think he sensed my feelings, because he leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. My face turned so red, I could feel the heat radiating off it.
But I had no time to respond, because before I knew it the principal was introducing me. As I walked out onto the stage my stomach turned to knots. Remember that Brady Bunch rerun I watched last night? Well, before I started my speech, I looked out into the audience and tried to picture the entire audience in their underwear. I will never take advice from the television again. At first glance, my eyes fell on Miss Blonde-and-Perfect laughing at me! Thinking of her in her underwear didn’t relax me or make me want to laugh; it just made me want to run off the stage and throw up!
The next person I saw was the very last person I expected. Phoebe! I couldn’t believe it. She actually cut class just to watch and support me. I was so shocked and appreciated her support so much that I didn’t even tell Grams on her. I still can’t believe that my little sister skipped school and then snuck into the high school, something I’d never dreamed of doing when I was her age.
Well, Diary, you can imagine how the audience reacted to my presence on stage. Phoebe might have been smiling and cheering me on, and I knew Prue was out there somewhere, but they were the only ones. There were whispers running up and down the aisles. I couldn’t make out all the words, but I knew what they were all saying. They were trying to figure out who I was. In the end, I’m sure they satisfied themselves with this answer: I was a nobody.
All of these thoughts and feelings ran through my head as I stood onstage clutching the podium. When I finally glanced over at Barry for encouragement, I saw him frowning at me and covering his face. That’s when it hit me--I had been silent much too long.
I opened my mouth and not a single word came out! No, I’m not kidding! I began to panic, and in my panic I couldn’t think of a single word of my speech. I was just standing there, feeling stupid, wishing I could freeze the entire audience so I could get my thoughts together. I told myself to take a deep breath, to take a moment to gather my thoughts, but the longer I stood there silent, the deeper I was digging my grave. Barry and I had practiced my speech so many times, and I really wanted to be able to do it for him, and still I just couldn’t do it.
Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, Prue stepped up to the stage, acting as if she was my guardian angel. I was in shock when the entire audience went silent, but I guess I shouldn’t have been so surprised. They gave Prue their undivided attention because they knew who she was…current Student Council President and chief cheerleader. She wasn’t me–a nobody. I wanted to cry when I saw how easily she grabbed their attention. Oh, they wanted to hear every word she was getting ready to say. And she said plenty––my entire speech––which makes sense, since as you well know, she wrote the whole thing for me. With Prue as my writer and Barry as my coach, all I had to do was give the stupid thing. They couldn’t have made it any easier for me, and I had failed.
Standing there as Prue flashed a smile at the crowd, I surprised myself. My first feelings of humiliation, jealousy, and inferiority flew aside, to be replaced by relief. I was relieved that I didn’t have to give the stupid speech; the speech that belonged to Prue and Barry so much more than it belonged to me. I told myself, “It’s just a speech,” but then I looked at Barry. His eyes were on the floor, his face bright red.
Barry’s reaction forced me to take another look at Prue, and anger replaced my relief just as easily as relief had replaced my embarrassment. Yeah, I probably should have been thanking her, but I was so angry. Why couldn’t she just let me solve my own problems? Grams said she did it out of love, but I think she just likes butting in. She does it all the time. Sometimes I hate her for it, but I think most of the time that hate stems from jealousy. Why does she have to be so good at everything while I’m so lousy at everything? Why can’t I be the one to give powerful speeches, have people listen to me and take me seriously? Why can’t people look up to me? It’s because I’m the middle sister. I hate being the middle sister. Everyone always compares me to Prue. If Prue wasn’t around, then they wouldn't. Why couldn’t I be the oldest? I want to be the one to save the day for my sisters. I want to be the hero. Is it possible to hate and love someone at the same time? That’s how I feel about Prue. I do love her; she’s my big sister and at times my best friend. I know she was only trying to help me today, but at the same time I wonder how she was helping me. By finishing my speech for me? By always protecting me, never letting me do anything for myself? At this rate, I’ll never have the chance to save the day or be the hero.
During English class I heard my classmates chuckling at my humiliation. I expected it, but it didn’t make me feel any better when I heard them congratulating Miss Perfect on what a great speech she gave. I’m sure she’s going to become Class Secretary.
In class we were going over Stephen King’s Carrie. I could so identify with her--a social misfit. Yet unlike me, she was special. She had powers. She could make them regret what they did. How I envy that! As I sat in class I wondered what it would it be like to have powers, to change my destiny. I’m sure it couldn’t hurt to make a few students disappear every now and then, to thin out the popular herd by a student or two. Would girls like Missy really be missed? I’d like to think the world would be better off without girls like her, but then I think of Prue who, in reality, is just as perfect and popular as Missy.
My world, unfortunately, is nothing like those in the Stephen King novels I’ve read. I can’t do anything to alter the world around me. After my disastrous speech, Barry was gone. I feared he’d want nothing to do with me, and I was determined to figure out a way to make up with him. He is, after all, the only reason high school is even worth going to.
So, after school, Grams help me make a big plate of chocolate fudge brownies. They’re his favorite. We wrapped them in a fancy box Grams had lying around the house, topped it with a big blue bow, and then she drove me over to Barry’s. I couldn’t thank Grams enough.
When we finally got to Barry’s I was dejected, not thinking he’d let me into his house, but I was desperate enough to try. Before he could say a word, I shoved the box into his hands. I think I was shaking as he opened it, but, oh, the look he gave me when he had a mouthful of my brownies—it was that admiring look that all the other students gave to Miss Blonde-and-Perfect! Before I knew it, he was apologizing for putting so much pressure on me with the election. He insisted that we could do other things together, that it didn’t have to be Student Council, and offered to take me to the movies. It's the first time we’ve gone out since he decided that we should run for Council. I smiled and waved at Grams as we headed for Barry’s car. “Be home by curfew!” she called, and I laughed. I’ve heard her use that phrase so often with my sisters, but never with me. That felt so good.
At the movies we even sat in the back row of the theatre, and he put his arm around me and even let me cuddle into his chest when the movie got scary. I have to go to scary movies with him more often. Phoebe loves scary movies, and I think this may be why.
I guess it’s true what they say. The way to a man’s heart is though his stomach. Grams always says that no one can throw food together better than I can and that someday it will make me special. I finally think I believe her. Tonight I was special in Barry’s eyes, and one day through my cooking, everyone will know who I am. I’m not just the middle sister. I’m much more than that.
(NOTES: Cupid named Barry as Piper's high-school sweetheart and Phoebe used to skip school. And of course everyone remembers Miss Blonde and Perfect Missy! I have one more entry if anyone wants to read it.)
It was still fantastic however and you really grasped Piper's voice in that second journal. It was just perfect, you could hear her inner demons fighting over the pros and cons of Leo and Dan. It was so believable.
Your words made me SO happy, and I'm sure my betas feel the same way.