Gone But Not Forgotten

[Honey Halliwell <3]

Well this is one of my first ever fan-fics and probably the hardest thing I have ever had to write.

My elderly Grandmother passed away in the early hours of today and somehow the only way I can mourn her is by writing my thoughts, memories and feelings down. I have adapted it slightly to fit charmed as it doesn't seem right me using my own family, most of this will be made up but the first opening chapter and some others that I will mention along the way are exactly what I did and said but others will be adapted to fit the story.

In loving memory of Helen "Ella" McCullcoch-Kelso A.K.A Big Gran.
May 31st 1928- November 12th 2008
R.I.P Granma

Gone But Not Forgotten!

Chapter 1- It Hurts Too Much!

The numbness that filled her body was overwhelming, the pungent stench of cleaning products and sterilised wards drifted down the hallway. She stood staring blankly down the ward, her eyes searched the faces of people laying in a high bed their bodies wired up to tubes and bags. Her eyebrows furrowed in a frown as she did a double-take on the old-woman laying sleeping. She frowned more as she walked slowly over to her as though walking quickly would make a huge noise. She stood by the aged woman's bedside and without realising what was happening unexpected tears rolled down her face. She bent her face close to the woman's sagged, grey skin and kissed her gently on the cheek, she felt the movement of her grandmother before she seen it. She jerked away wiping her her cheeks so that her Grams wouldn't see her cry.

"Hey Granma...." She whispered feebly taking her grandmother's hand and sitting on the chair beside her bed. She looked up at the frail old woman and watched as she tugged at something at her nose. Peyton Halliwell stood back up and slowly reached over to her Granma's nose, she had a small oxygen tube branching off up her nose but she seemed distressed by it. Peyton gently moved it away. "That better Granma?" She asked gently stroking a stray strand of white hair to the side.

Peyton watched as her Grandmother nodded slightly and mumbled something unhearable, Piper Halliwell gave her Grandaughter's hand the gentlest of squeases when she realised she couldn't understand her. Peyton looked around quickly, her father had told her to go up, that he would only be a couple of minutes but now she was scared that he had left her. She looked back at her elderly grandmother, whose eyes were fluttering shut and she wasn mumbling something that sounded vaguely like "Prue...Put thoses dishes away". Peyton looked away again, she couldn't bare to see her Grams like that.

She was started to panic more until her father finally showed up, he seen the tears in her eyes and gently squeased her shoulders. "Don't let your Grams see you cry" Wyatt Halliwell whispered in his only daugther's ear. Peyton nodded and slipped her hand from her Grandmother's and hurried out of the ward, the tears were already cascading down her face before her sleeve could reach up and wipe them away, she stood by the doorway with her head pressed against the widow. Piper Halliwell was strongest woman she knew, dignified, loving and stubborn. She had fought everything in her life, demons, warlocks and now she lay bed-bound and dying of cancer. Peyton squeased her eyes shut and the last of the tears trickled from her eyes. She would be strong for her Grandmother...Just as her Grandmother had always been strong for her.

[pipercharmedphreak]

Wow. Simply beautiful. Fantastic job. Very touching. I'm certainly sorry to hear about your grandmother. My grandpa passed away November 12, 2007. One year ago today. If you need to talk just message me.

Anyways, what I beautiful fic. Great job sweetie.

[Honey Halliwell <3]

Thanks Amber, I am sorry to hear about your Grandad. I will try and have the next part up soon btu i can't garuntee that it will be in the next couple of days as i have a lot on this week.

[jate88]

I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you get better as best you can and keep on writing. Great story. I lost my gram to cancer May 20, 2005.

[~Andrew~]

Wow this story is so emotional. I am so very sorry for your loss . My grandma passed away in 2002.

[Cara Halliwell]

Though I've never lost a relative, I can understand how hard it is, as my mom has been through it several times. I'm so sorry for your loss, and you can talk to me if you need to. Great story, and I can't wait to read more.

[xoFeliciaFinleyxo]

The story is emotional and touching. I like how you put in Charmed names in the story but that's besides the point. I'm so sorry for your lose. I know that someday you'll be strong again.

[Honey Halliwell <3]

Thanks for the comments guys, sorry it took so long to put up, things have been hard the past week but here it is the next chapter

Chapter 2-Why can't I cry?

Peyton Halliwell awoke in a daze, sitting up quickly in her bed she realised that it was still the middle of the night. Her bed covers were twisted into a knot and sweat dripped from her forehead. She continued to pant as though she had run a marathon and realised that her bedroom door was open slightly, Peyton frowned, she always shut her door tight out of habit. She turned to the alarm clock at her bedside. The neon green light flashed, 2.10 am, it had been her door opening that had awoken her from the nightmare of the previous Saturday when she had went to visit Piper. Peyton settled back down into the pillows, her mind was still reeling and her Grandmother's face was etched behind her eyelids. After tossing and turning for hours she eventually fell back into a restless sleep.

Peyton was up and out of her bed before her alarm went of at 7.00 am, she quickly got the clothes she would be wearing that day and headed for the shower. As she showered the memories of the night before seemed to wash down the plughole with the water. She took a deep breath in and set herself up for the day. Peyton made her way downstairs humming quietly to herself, she knew she would be alone until after eight. She reached the bottom stair when she heard a gentle voice from the living room. "Peyton...Can you come in here a second?". It was the sound of her father's voice, already her heart had leapt to her throat and she ahd taken a sharp intake of breath, she knew what had happened before she reached the living room and sure enough when she stepped into the living room she saw her father with his face buried in his hands barely able to raise his head to speak to her. "She didn't make it through the night sweetie" The words hit her like a ton of bricks, she had been expecting those words but she didn't dare believe that they were true. Peyton nodded, hugged her father briefly and left the room, a sea of emotion spread over her but not one tear fell from her eye.

Although she had braced herself for the fact that her Grandmother would never be allowed to come home to them she had always thought that Piper was invincible, that nothing on this earth could hurt her. Peyton watched as her younger siblings and cousins were told, they wept their hearts out but still she remained as calm and collected as ever. She stood at the living room door as her Aunt Melinda wept in agony at the loss of her mother and still she wouldn't cry. The next few days past in a blur of tears and sympathy cards, 145 in total, she never knew how many people loved and cared for her gran until now. It was Wednesday November 19th when the world began to move at a normal pace for her again, it was her grandmother's funeral the next day and she realised then that it was her last chance to say goodbye properly. Peyton sat perched on the end of her bed with her head in her hands, she was at a loss of what to do, she knew she was supposed to cry and be sad but it wouldn't come even when she thought back to the days of when her Grams would shout at her and her cousins for using magic to trip each other up. Peyton smiled at the fond memory of her granmother standing with her hands on her hips at the kitchen door shaking her head at the Halliwell granchildren. They had quickly apologised and ran of to participate in another activity that their Grams would shout at them for.

Something on her dressing table caught her eye, a flower broach, with blue topaz and amytheist petals. She reached over and picked it up and held it tenderly between her hands. It was Piper's a sentimental gift to keep her grandmother close to her. Peyton sighed and clipped it to her long black duffle coat that she was wearing to the funeral, the hankercheif she would use was hanging slightly out and she tucked it back in. She knew it would have sounded ridiculous if she had told anyone but she ahd sprayed her granmother's perfume, Beautiful-Estee Lauder, on it so that she would be comforted by her gran. Peyton ran her hands over her face and into her hair, she was dreading the next day, she had never been to a funeral before, she had been too young to go to both her Aunt's and she knew it was going to be the most painful day of her life. But somehow, deep in her heart of hearts she knew her grandmother would be there, with a hand on her shoulder and a bright encouraging smile, telling her that everything would be alright, that the tears would come and....That the pain wouldn't last forever.

[jate88]

I love it. You've put a lot of emotions in it. I think all the great writers usually do view their stories as diaries of their life.

[~Andrew~]

so touching and beautiful...

I don't really know how to truly describe it but you are great

[charm1d]

This was truely amazing, I'm sorry to hear of your loss, I am deeply sorry. As this is adapted to your personal emotions I can relate. I also wrote a story because like you the best way for me to keep cenetered/calm is to write and I wrote about my grandmother as well.

She is exactly as how Piper is described here... I wanted to cry when I read this- You truely met your feeling head on.

I know what it's like to "not be able to cry" and suffer through something like that in a way it matured me.

Sometimes it's easier knowing your not alone, and that what your feeling isn't out of the ordinary, I'm telling you nothing is wrong feeling like that - wanting to be the strongest and not show your feelings- I feel like that too