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Post by Astral Echo on Dec 27, 2008 19:47:18 GMT -5
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Post by Astral Echo on Dec 28, 2008 12:44:12 GMT -5
A cold wind whistled through the desolate lairs and caverns of the abandoned Underworld, demons and warlocks a like had fled the dark and gloomy world beneath the earth to escape the looming shadows that breezed through the natural, rocky architecture. Centuries old generations of demonic families had left the place they had called home to set up asylum on the earth above. As the ranks of evil diminished and the spread of good magic increased, the side of darkness went into hiding. All that was left was the essence, aura and residue of vanquished demons from past and present. One by one, the last of the demonic race were being taken out - leaving nothing.
The balance between good and evil was hanging firmly in goods favor but that wasn't a good thing. The grand design was struggling and the overall magical power in the world was starting to fade. Instead of increasing in power, the next generation of magic was getting weaker. Something had to be done before the effects became irreversible.
A groan is heard rumbling through the Underworld, from the depths of an empty chamber, it echoed from end to the other getting louder and louder and louder. A flickering flame started to flutter in the center of a deserted cavern, it built and grew until a blazing fire roared in the wasted void. The groan turned to a deep scream, a howl like a distressed wolf, it rattled the loose rocks from the uneven surface of the walls and fell to the ground like falling rubble from a cliff.
A figure started to appear from with in the flames, bent over on the ground, knelt in the dirty sand, head arched up in the air allowing the billowing holler to vamp below the surface. The flames started of disperse and the loud roar quietened, the shadowed figure started to raise to his feet, floating above the ground below. The fire extinguished and the figure, a twenty something, snarling male stood to his feet that were now firmly placed on the ground.
The man walked forward and observed the cavern around him, a small candle like flame was a light in his eyes. He ground his teeth together as he looked at his hands that were now stretched out in front of him. A smile formed across his face and pupils appeared with in his eyes as they turned back to normal, perfect, beautiful blue eyes were formed on his smooth and shaven face.
"Home Sweet Home"
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Post by Astral Chaos on Jan 4, 2009 20:13:06 GMT -5
First to comment.
"A cold wind whistled through the desolate lairs and caverns of the abandoned Underworld, demons and warlocks a like had fled the dark and gloomy world beneath the earth to escape the looming shadows that breezed through the natural, rocky architecture." - I love the imagery of this scene. Plus I'm the kind of person who really enjoys description.
"The balance between good and evil was hanging firmly in goods favor but that wasn't a good thing. The grand design was struggling and the overall magical power in the world was starting to fade. Instead of increasing in power, the next generation of magic was getting weaker. Something had to be done before the effects became irreversible." - Hmmm, that's an interesting play on the whole Ying and Yang theory - light and dark, good and evil -. For there to be good magic there must be evil magic. Get what I'm saying?
My biggest problem with your work tends to be it's length. Try and make the next chapter slightly longer.
Also how old are the characters & what powers do they have?
Anyways,
Keep up the good work.
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Post by Astral Echo on Jan 5, 2009 6:31:23 GMT -5
All will be revealed. Hm...I did thought I had added the first Halliwells scene. Oh well, when I get to my other computer, I'll add it up there.
As for powers etc...I'd like to try and reveal all that in the first few chapters, if they isn't achieved - I will put it up top.
Ying/yang, yeah you got it. Good and evil have to exsist together, they are two parts of the same pie. It was touched on in the series, when the Elders and Death yabbered on about the grand design.
Length. That will come but as you know, the first chapter is generally the shortest. I didn't want to ruin the effect of the description, I think had I carried on it would of become a little repeative. The opening chapter is the first time we see this character and he won't pop up for a while either, I want to establish my other three characters before we flip over to his world.
Thank you for your comments, expect the other chapter soon. Just need to get my hands on my PC. ;D
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Reality Bites
Familiar
When witches don't fight we burn.
Posts: 452 
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Post by Reality Bites on May 19, 2009 16:27:00 GMT -5
Is chapter two going to be appearing anytime soon? I look forward to reading it! It's also cool that you have Shiri Appleby "cast" as Melinda Prudence!! We use her for the avatar of our Melinda Prudence in the RPG that I host!  |
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Post by Astral Echo on May 28, 2009 4:43:27 GMT -5
You want chapter two and I actually still have the old file on my computer, enjoy. Oh and for anyone who has a problem reading the text, just go to the "View" option on your taskbar and simply Zoom>Zoom Text Only (Firefox) or Text Size>Larger/Largest, that should blow it up for you. Sorry if it annoys you but I like small text, makes things look pretty! 
Wyatt Halliwell, the Twice Blessed child, stood over the Book of Shadows and flipped through it's page in search of the demon he was looking for. He grit his teeth with frustration as still nothing caught his eye, he paused for a second and observed the page in front of him. “Not powerful enough.” He muttered before he continued to look through the Book. After searching for a few moments more, Wyatt slammed the illustrious book shut before throwing his arms up defeat. “I give up, there's nothing in here, at all!” He whined traipsing across the room.
His brother, Christopher Halliwell placed his scrying crystal onto the table in front of him and rotated his body around on the stool to face Wyatt. “No luck here either. I don't think were going to find him, we might have to wait for him to go after us!” Chris explained, pushing the map of San Francisco aside.
Wyatt shook his head. “We can't, Melly has an exam tomorrow morning, this demon needs dealing with so she can concentrate on her studies again.”
“Studies? Her exam is tomorrow, it's a little late to be working towards an exam that is less twenty four hours away.”
“That maybe your prerogative Chris, but lets just remind ourselves who failed to get into university.”
“I didn't fail to get into university, I just didn't want to go.” Chris spat defensively.
“You flunked your end of year exams, you were lucky to come out of high school with any qualifications at all!”
“Mom never went to university and she ended up as a successful business woman!”
Wyatt sniggers. “And now your working for her.”
“Whatever. The craft has always been more important to me, were witches first and foremost and believe it deserves our full attention!” Chris told him before he stood up, pushed past his brother and strutted over to the Book of Shadows. “Besides, I'm managing P3 now, and if I didn't, Mom might of sold up. I was only trying to keep it in the family!”
Wyatt rolled his eyes. His brothers lack of responsibility had always bothered him, not only did Chris put little effort in at school but he did very little in the way of work, the only reason he had a job now was because their mother forced upon him. Chris was dedicated to the magical side of their lives, there was no questioning that, but Wyatt felt that by throwing everything into the families witchy responsibilities, he was becoming increasingly out of touch with the real world. Wyatt wished that his brother was more like him, more balanced, more...normal. Wyatt maybe the Twice Blessed child but he wasn't half as indulged with magic as Chris was and he thought that his brothers dedication to the craft was verging on obsession.
Chris now stood behind the Book of the Shadows, searching for the demon they were looking for when a crash, followed by a scream was heard echoing in the distance. The brothers shared a concerned expression before swiftly exiting the attic.
Running from the house, the brothers darted down the stairs passing by various photographs of the family that hung on the wall. Noticeably is a frame containing various, with one large image in the centre. Wyatt and Chris can be seen in the image standing over their parents, Piper Halliwell and Leo Wyatt both of whom are in their fifties, sat between is the couples final child, Melinda Prudence Halliwell. The images surrounding the family photograph features all three children from years passed.
Reaching the kitchen, Chris looked around the room in search of danger while Wyatt approached their sister who stood in the centre of the room clutching her neck. “Mel, is everything okay?” Wyatt asked, placing his hand on her shoulder comfortingly.
“No, I'm not.” Melinda stated, lifting her hand from her neck. “That demon took my amulet!” Melinda exclaimed, peering cautiously up at her oldest sibling.
Wyatt looked over to Chris is confusion who looked back equally baffled by his sisters proclamation.
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Post by jate88 on May 28, 2009 12:39:29 GMT -5
I'm guessing that Chris has an inferiority complex to Wyatt like he did in the series.
The basic archetypes of good and evil can exist in the minds and psyches of beings but if creatures could clearly be classified as good or evil then it's impossible for them to coexist. Well if you changed the definitions of good and evil then they could.
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Post by Astral Echo on May 28, 2009 18:44:31 GMT -5
I'm guessing that Chris has an inferiority complex to Wyatt like he did in the series. The basic archetypes of good and evil can exist in the minds and psyches of beings but if creatures could clearly be classified as good or evil then it's impossible for them to coexist. Well if you changed the definitions of good and evil then they could. Yes and no. I've stripped both characters to their roots because after looking at Wyatt in more detail, we get a different character every time. Chris Crossed is irrelevant, we learn very little about the real Wyatt as we see the evil Wyatt. However in Imaginary Friends we meet a Wyatt who is almost the epiphany of good. He was also shown as loving, tender, thoughtful and caring as well as being a very family orientated individual. But in Forever Charmed, he was a bumbling idiot. He was also cocky and egotistical, showing off and acting for the most part, like a class A jerk! My Wyatt, sways more to the IF Wyatt, a Wyatt who is loving, caring and family orientated. While still being quite self indulgent. He's the smartest of the three siblings. Wyatt was a bit of a geek at High School, not particularly popular but at the same time he was someone who could hold his own. He got straight A's and though it's not been stated yet, is currently in Medical School. His smarts resembles that of Prue's. Chris on the other hand was a rebel. He coasted from high school and chose to dedicate his life to the craft. While he's not as smart as Wyatt, he does have smarts of his own. Like Paige, he's very educated when it comes to magic, he's also the tactical type so when it comes to facing demon, it's Chris who does the planning and usually the delegating. Melinda, like Prue is smart and popular. But unlike Prue, Mel can't juggle both. She chose to be popular and sidelined her intelligence, most like Phoebe, I guess. She isn't your stereotypical popular girl. Being the least powerful, she also tries to shut magic out of her life, anytime she does use magic, it's for personal gain. A line that Chris will say later in the story is, "She doesn't use magic, she misuses it!" Chris and Wyatt have this love/hate relationship, they don't always get along but they both die to save the other. With Wyatt it's for the sake of family, for Chris it's for magic (Wyatt is the most powerful source of good, after all.) Wyatt doesn't agree with Chris's lifestyle, his ignorance to wards normality but on the other hand, he does respect his dedication to the craft. Chris doesn't like Wyatt trying to control him, especially when magic is involved. He may the Twice Blessed Child but he ain't no god in Chris's eyes. |
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Post by jate88 on May 28, 2009 19:44:06 GMT -5
It looks like you put a lot of thought into your character's personality. Do you ever feel unsure about if you did enough to create believable characters?
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Reality Bites
Familiar
When witches don't fight we burn.
Posts: 452
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Post by Reality Bites on May 30, 2009 4:12:51 GMT -5
The new chapter was interesting, even if the boys are wrong about Piper! She has a four year degree! Surprisingly, all four Charmed Ones are college graduates... most likely the firsts in their family.
The relationship between Wyatt and Chris is an interesting dynamic, and I like the fact that Wyatt prefers to live his life like a "normal person". I can't wait to see the personalities you described play out in your chapters! Keep 'em coming!
ETA: Oh, and I wonder why the demon stole Melinda's amulet? Does the amulet hold a special power? It's a development that has my mind wondering...
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Post by Astral Echo on May 30, 2009 6:14:34 GMT -5
Thanks for your comments. And I aplogise for the goof about Piper, I was sure she was the only one not to have gone to college as her dream was to cook but ended up working in a dead end job while Grams was alive to make ends meet.
Was her degree in catering or something? Where was the evidence of her degree? I must of missed it and it's always interesting to find out something new.
Thanks again guys, I hope to release the next chapter soon after I finish up fixing up some other small goofs!
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Reality Bites
Familiar
When witches don't fight we burn.
Posts: 452
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Post by Reality Bites on Jun 4, 2009 5:50:24 GMT -5
Thanks for your comments. And I aplogise for the goof about Piper, I was sure she was the only one not to have gone to college as her dream was to cook but ended up working in a dead end job while Grams was alive to make ends meet. Was her degree in catering or something? Where was the evidence of her degree? I must of missed it and it's always interesting to find out something new. Thanks again guys, I hope to release the next chapter soon after I finish up fixing up some other small goofs! In season's two, "The Painted World", Phoebe complains about not feeling smart and wanting to be respected in the business world. She then goes on to say Piper doesn't understand where she's coming from because she has a four year degree. Piper tells her that it doesn't matter if she does because Phoebe has a different kind of smarts and that she could always go back to college (which Phoebe eventually did later that season). We never learn what degree Piper got, but I would guess that it was in business administration. I mean she had dreams to own and RUN her own restaurant. Also, she was promoted to manager of Quake in less than a year without prior experience in the field. Her previous job was as a bank teller. I'm thinking a business degree on her resume might have prompted the owner to make Piper manager when Chef Moore quit. But back to your intriguing story! I hope you get around to posting the next chapter soon! I'm curious as to what's going to happen next, and just how important Melinda's amulet is! |
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