Masochism 1o1- P3Nathan's Season 8 Rewatch

[Esmeralda]

Dec 29, 2015 18:57:14 GMT -5 @p3nathan said:

So, Stupidity is Contagious!
AKA- Hulkus Pocus

Hehehe! You are *so* going to enjoy your belated present!

Piper and Paige arrive at Notwarts. They’re after something called a Krycheck Demon, which has apparently been on a rampage; attacking gnomes and leprechauns. Woohoo, already I’m on Team Krycheck.

ROFL!!

Murphy has sent them after this demon and he wants them to bring it back alive.

So rather than Leo’s Angels they’re now Murphy’s Angels?

Said Krycheck turns up and Paige’s potion proves ineffective, but Piper manages to knock it out with several shots of explosive mojo. They’re perplexed, because it actually looks rather monstrous and Krychecks are supposed to just be the usual black wearing extras we've grown ever so bored of. Speaking of which, a bunch of those show up, so Piper and Paige orb away, leaving the unconscious beast behind.

A bit of a DUN, DUN, DUN here…but just a bit…

I’d b!tch about the crappy music that’s playing as we’re shown the usual shots of San Francisco. But since the DVD version had to replace the theme song, I don’t know if this music was what originally aired.

Yup, it was. And as I said before, I like it. Different strokes for different folks, I guess.

Piper and Leo are getting ready for a ski trip. Glad to hear you’re not too adverse to the cold Leo! What do I mean? Oh nothing, you keep packing...ahem.

ROFL!!! Tears from laughing too hard are back!

Phoebe announces that she has cancelled all of her dates and is taking a hiatus from men. Tell me, when this first aired, did anyone actually believe that for even a nanosecond?

I believed that about as long as I believed that she’d say dead after “Kill Billie, Vol 2”, even as I hoped she would…just like this one.

Back at Notwarts, the Krycheck morphs back into his standard black wearing extra form. However, soon after, he spontaneously combusts. That might have been cool if demons weren’t combusting all over the place on this show already.

But didn’t you at least wonder *why* he spontaneously combusted? That’s usually because Piper’s around…

Billie smacks one of the other Krycheck demons around and asks him to ask around about Christy.

*sigh* She’s reminding me more and more of the Halliwells, and that’s not a good thing!

Henry turns up at the manor and gives Paige a baby to watch called Ramón. His mother has just been sent to jail and Henry needs Paige to watch him while he tries to find the father; otherwise he will be put into the system. Henry charmingly, but forcefully, gets Paige to take him. I’m quickly remembering why I loved these two. The chemistry is just so natural between them.

It truly is. Aren’t you as shocked as I am that he didn’t turn into one of Phoebe’s slampieces? Can you imagine that scene with Phoebe rather than Paige??? Mom gets out of jail and she’d never get her baby back!

Piper and Phoebe go to see Murphy. They want more information on the demon. Murphy isn’t singing like a canary, so Piper tells Phoebe to go and get a premonition from him. Phoebe refuses.

PIPER: Phoebe, go get a premonition off him, see if he's lying.
PHOEBE: No, I can't.
PIPER: What do you mean, you can't? Just go touch him.
PHOEBE: Seriously, I can't. I don't really believe in them anymore.
PIPER: Ugh! (Turns to Phoebe) What do you mean?
PHOEBE: Well, they haven't really worked well for me lately, so why should I listen to them?
PIPER: That's not true.
PHOEBE: Oh, really? Do I look pregnant to you?
AGENT MURPHY: Ladies! Did you g—
PIPER: Hold it. (To Phoebe) I realize why you feel this way, and I understand, but you can't give up on your gift.
PHOEBE: My gift gave up on me.

You know what? I wish she never had the damn power. She should never have been given them back by the stupid floaty heads! F****** petulant brat! Just another reason I wish Phoebe had been thrown through the wall. Give Paige premonitions instead from season 4 onward; then maybe we would’ve avoided this nightmare. When did all this start again? Season 6! We’ve had this crap for like two damn years now.

Believe me, guy, you are *so* preaching to the choir! Even though we can bet that had Phoebe been thrown through the wall, it would be Prue or Paige acting this way…*sigh*

Deep breaths, P3Nathan – very deep breaths, Es…

(Sigh) Alright, moving on.

YAY!!!

Billie returns to the Manor and Paige has a spat with her because she wanted her to babysit.

PAIGE: I expect you to be available when we need you! That is the whole point of us teaching you!
BILLIE: Well, I'm not a doctor, okay, I can't be available 24/7!
PAIGE: Yes, actually, you can, because you weren't around, I'm stuck taking care of this baby now!

Paige, firstly, let’s not pretend you’re rushed off your feet, okay? Secondly, when have you ever taught her? Thirdly, she offered to help you with the demons...not to be your damn maid and nanny! So take it down a notch.

*sigh* I keep saying it. This is why I don’t like Billie – because she made me hate the sisters (and half-sister) even more than I did before this season started!

Oh joy, Phoebe and Piper are home. Phoebe has decided that she wants to be single and childless... but not really, because she’s just sulking that it hasn’t happened exactly when she wanted. Come to think of it; what’s the point of a premonition about marriage and babies anyway? I mean, premonitions have always been to change the course of things that are already set in motion; in order to avoid danger or save someone. At least that’s what they used to be anyway. So if Phoebe is given a vision of something good, then that course of time or destiny or whatever is already set in motion prior to the vision, right? So how does the premonition help at all? Surely her knowing it could only disrupt things. Am I over thinking this?

Maybe? You think???

Urgh, maybe... let’s continue.

Very good idea!

Oh I forgot to mention... after Billie and Paige had their spat, they were attacked by another Hulkcheck. This was the one Billie smacked around earlier. Said demon scratches Billie before Paige orbs him back to Notwarts.

Hehehehe! I like how the Krychecks became the Hulkchecks. A lot better name!

Back at Notwarts, second demon goes poof and we find out that the latest black wearing, demonic, nobody wants to harness whatever power is making these demons hulk out. Y’know, without the exploding bit at the end, preferably.

And we’re back to coming up with a neat title and then coming up with an ultra-stupid way of turning it into an episode… I swear that’s how they did this, and much as I always liked the titles, I wished they’d have come up with the plotline first and titles second!

Today’s demon is called Margoyle... which makes me think of Mogwai; so that’s what I’ll call him. He has no Gremlin like qualities, but frankly he seems to lack in any qualities at all, so that’s what I’m going with.

Hehehehe! Gotcha. So Innocent of the Week has turned into Demon of the Week…*sigh*

We learn that Henry was a foster child growing up; hence how much he cares about what happens to Ramon. Henry’s experience wasn’t a good one. Paige sneaks a photo of Ramon’s father away with her. Paige looks good this episode by the way. They all do actually. Think I said in an earlier post that the hair and the clothes were perhaps the only things to improve in season 8.

Amen. The actors really did look good. If only their characters’ inners had changed to reflect that, the reason they all looked ugly to me.

Billie has hulked out and is flinging Phoebe around. Weeeeheeeee. Piper blasts Billie and knocks her out- it’s a lot more effective than it was earlier, so the strength of her power is consistent as always.

Hehehehe!

Elder Cheapus turns up to tell Piper about a virus. It’s spreading across the magical community and the more powerful you are, the quicker you’ll go boom boom.

Hehehehe! Catch the virus, Piper! Catch it!!!!!!!

Paige has found Ramon’s father.

Yay, Paige! Henry is already offsetting the horrible influence the Halliwells have had on you!

Piper and Paige threaten Murphy for info.

Funny, I really didn’t remember him lasting this long…

The orbing effect continues to be awful. You know when VHS tapes were faulty and it went all wobbly and fuzzy? Make that blue and you’ve got orbing.

Oh, man, do I ever remember that! And that makes the thought of that being orbing even funnier.

We find out the origin of the virus. The government found an injured demon and performed experiments on it; injecting it with human blood in the hope of creating demonically empowered soldiers. The demon escaped and spread the virus. This would actually be a pretty decent story if not for the stupidity of the hulks.

Too, too, too true.

And I’ll say it again. When the government started experimenting, where were the Cleaners when we needed them???

One patient was injected with the virus, but was immune. So if they find him, they may be able to make an antidote….

Ya think???

Back at the Manor, Phoebe is tending to Billie who believes she’s dying. It’s actually a rather sad and decently acted scene... but then they go and ruin it by having Billie change the subject back to Phoebe and her freakin’ baby visions. Because even people on the brink of death know that Phoebe’s personal life is the most important thing in the universe! Piss off writers- way to kill a scene that might have actually had some emotional weight!

Yup, it truly is all about Phoebe’s personal life. *sigh*

Urgh and here is where I lose my sh!t.

Oh, oh! Shall I run and get some TP before I keep reading?

Paige and Piper return with the patient's hospital bracelet. They are running out of time and Piper makes this clear to Phoebe, offering her the bracelet, they need to find this guy NOW!
So.... does Phoebe get the hell over herself and conjure a premonition of the patient? Don't be freakin' insane!!! No, instead, Phoebe wants to infect herself and her sisters with the virus to enhance their powers. Yep; she won’t stop her sulking and try to get a premonition, but she’ll infect herself and her family with a life threatening virus. A virus that has been established to kill you quicker, the more powerful you are.
Piper and Paige do not ram the hospital bracelet down her throat screaming “Listen you obnoxious little b!tch, you WILL get a premonition even if we need to choke you to death with this damn thing to do it!!!” Instead, they go along with it. (SIGH)

Oh, do I see why you needed that TP! So, please, Please, PLEASE tell me they all get the virus and die with Piper exploding first coz she’s the most powerful…PLEASE!

They infect themselves. Billie begins to convulse, as the demons did before exploding, so Piper freezes her. At first I thought “good witches don’t freeze”, but then I did recall occasions where witches were freezable if they were infected or possessed by non-witch forces.

YUP!!!! But I can’t believe The WB actually paid the money to let Piper freeze!!!

Let the stupidity commence.

Hence your title!

The sisters morph into their hulk forms. Their hulk forms being that of horribly dubbed, wildly gesticulating, stunt doubles. They snarl and shove each other. It’s terrible. They scry for patient X and the crystal spins rapidly, because that’s supposed to mean that their magic is stronger I guess. I’ll ignore that the scrying seems to take twice as long... I’m still not sure why they needed to get infected to scry for him anyway.

So they could use that title?

Whatever, nearly over.

THANK GOD!

They arrive at patient X’s work. He’s a janitor. Mogwai’s demons turn up too; one of them is hulked. The non-hulked demons are pushed to death (no really, they just fall and die) and Piper rips out the hulked demon’s heart. Her explosions by the way, despite supposedly being enhanced by hulk mojo, are the most ineffective they’ve been this episode.

ROFL! Inconsistencies even within the episode! When you called this Stupidity is Contagious, I think you were including the writers!

Mogwai shimmers in, gets a blood sample and shimmers out. He asks what they want and then we have this horribly dubbed “dialogue”... which is either hideous or hilarious; perhaps both.

PAIGE: We want you to save magic.
PIPER: And us.
PHOEBE: Eh *Snarl*

Laugh or cry, it’s up to you.

Me?? I’m doing both at the same time!

Billie is fine and dandy now.

Don’t you feel sorry for her? Don’t you wish they could’ve just exploded her so we wouldn’t have to go through the whole Ultimate Power sh*t?

According to Piper, Murphy has said that they are too difficult to work with, so we won’t be seeing him again. We know the actual reason is that his contract was up and the writers were too damn lazy to write him out properly.

So the only character (outside of Henry…) who had some brains left is gone and we’re still stuck with Billie. *Sigh* I’ll bet Kaley wished her contract was up…

Henry gives Ramon back to his dad and it’s really sweet because it’s clear that Henry got a bit attached. Paige and Henry flirt. Aww.

Aww is right.

You know what? If they really wanted a spin off from season 8; how about Paige and Henry solving mysteries? I’d watch that.

I would, too. Of all the possible spin-offs, her family is the one that made the most sense to me. Too bad Rose was the only who least wanted to return…

Phoebe gets a premonition. So the tribunal obviously haven’t been watching her behaviour this episode.

Have they ever the last couple of seasons???

She projects six years into the future... because she can suddenly do that again now. Although unlike last time, when she was projected into her future body, this time she can talk to her future self; the one with the very long hair. There’s really not much to say about this, other than that I’m so sick of seeing this damn vision. Very Long Haired Phoebe reassures Not So Long Haired Phoebe that she will have kids. So um, yeah, nothing’s progressed at all really.

AMEN!

Oh, I almost forgot... this is the last premonition she has in the show. I’m taking that as a blessing.

And that’s an even bigger amen!

Next up- The network gives Leo the cold shoulder. Get it? Cold shoulder? Ahem.

Hehehehe! Oh, do I ever!

[Esmeralda]

Jan 6, 2016 14:20:28 GMT -5 @p3nathan said:

May the Frost Be With You...
(Yoda Voice): "Back for the Finale He Will Be"

AKA- Vaya Con Leos

Hehehehe! Having just seen "The Force Be With You" last night, I really got a kick out of the title...even as I remember how they try to steal one of the best scenes from that series here is already making my heart ache...And unlike the other ones I’ve replied to tonight, this is the first one I’m reading for the first time…

Leo is out buying a car with Piper. He says it’s just like the one his grandfather got him. Piper isn’t impressed with the vehicle, but Leo is very excited and she seems to be in an unusually nice mood.

Sorry, writers. Thinking that a scene like this will make me be sad when Piper has to say bye-bye to Leo for a while after all the horrible scenes you had between this couple this season just ain’t gonna work!

Leo happy? Piper being generous? You know that can’t be good. That’s right up there with locusts and rain of fire! Right on cue, Death appears in the middle of the street, staring. Piper looks worried as we’re thrown into the final opening credit sequence to feature Brian until the finale.

So they even took him out of the credits? That I hadn’t remembered.

Piper tells Paige about Death and they make reference to “Styx Feet Under”. They manage to do this without contradicting what happened in said episode; so good for them. Paige wants to cancel her lunch date upon hearing this news; but Piper won’t let her. Glad to see Paige prioritizing better than her older sister... actually, I’m being a bit harsh there; Phoebe is honestly fine this episode.

Yeah, every now and then my Phoebs makes an appearance. The only reason I kept watching after “Oh, My Goddess!”…for those occasional glimpses…

Billie is at Notwarts waiting for a demon who she hopes has info about Christy. Phoebe waits with her; hiding behind a desk should Billie need backup. The demon shows up and it is the one from Billie’s flashbacks in the Halloween episode. I’ll call him Child Catcher. Before Billie can get any real information out of him, another demon shows up, knocks Child Catcher out with a tranquilizer gun and shimmers out with him. Billie is not best pleased.

Can’t say I blame her…

Paige and Henry’s date. They get along really well and have a great time, but then Henry wants to split the bill. Of course this ruins everything, so Paige storms off. We couldn’t possibly have a Charmed romance without some stupid, forced, non-issue to cause some pointless drama. However I do think the writers more or less get it out of their system in this episode... I think. I mean they have issues on occasion; but this is the kinda crap I expect from Phoebe and Lesley or Dex.

Amen.

Piper summons Death. He tells her that he’s taking Leo and that he came early because he wanted to warn Piper and give them time to prepare. Aww, Death’s a decent guy... especially considering what pains in the a$$ these witches have been for him over the years.

Ain’t that the truth? But it’s really so they can try to make us feel sorry for Poor, Poor Pitiful Piper having to lose Leo yet again. But this time it’s her little errand boy, not her husband. No, you don’t get a single ounce of pity off this girl, Piper. Just a roll of the eyes and the thought: Lucky, lucky Leo!

Piper casts a stupidity spell, because this episode is going far too well for season eight’s standards. In an attempt to hide Leo from Death, Piper makes every man in the world look like Leo. Hmm, well my money would be on the Leo that’s hanging around the Manor; but that’s just me.

ROFLMFAO!!! Hey, it worked with those stupid secret identities, didn’t it?

By the way, that spell wasn’t counted as personal gain why?? And everyone else doesn’t realize that every guy now looks like this dorky looking guy why?? And where are those crazy Cleaners when we need them???

Phoebe is wearing a really lovely, blue, sparkly top.

You really do like her this episode, don’t you?

We’re in The Fortress of Solitude,

Hehehehe! As a huge Superman fan, I got a very big kick out of that reference.

where Child Catcher is being held in some sort of invisible, energy chamber. He is surrounded by his captor’s “trophies”; which are several beings frozen in their very own ice blocks.

Since Darth Vader froze Han Solo in Empire Strikes Back, I wanted to call the freezer demon something along those lines. He’s nowhere near cool enough (if you pardon), or memorable enough to be called Darth Vader... so I’ll settle for Darth Failure. His official name is Burke by the way... Burke.

OOOOO!!! Darth Failure is PERFECT!!!!

Anyway, Darth Failure doesn’t want Child Catcher spilling the beans on Christy and claims that there are far more powerful forces at work here. I’ll comment a little more on that later.

Can’t wait!

Darth Failure freezes Child Catcher.

Piper tells Leo everything. He’s understandably freaking out and doesn’t know what to say to his boys. Piper promises that they’ll fix it, but can’t keep it together long enough to convince anyone of that. It’s a very sad and well acted scene; especially by Holly. Despite how little I’ve cared for these two for the last few seasons; I can’t deny, this is pretty emotional.

And I just rolled my eyes, especially at the writers who so shouldn’t have screwed them up as a couple earlier so this wonderful scene by Holly wouldn’t have been wasted.

Death returns and we have a stupid bit where like five guys show up at the house to do various jobs and they all look like Leo. Henry arrives to talk to Paige about her storming off, but Paige is weirded out by the fact that he looks like her brother in law. I’m just going to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that the spell is only visible to magical beings... seeing as the world isn’t freaking out that all men suddenly look the same.

You are *so* giving the writers more credit than I would!

Leo (the real one) sits in the back of a taxi waiting for Wyatt at pre-school. Death arrives and Leo makes the mistake of reacting to him, which of course means he’s the one Death is after. Leo attempts to get out of the car, but another vehicle crashes right into the door. It’s pretty violent actually.

Yup. And I’m so glad for Leo that he’s finally out of this mess known as his marriage!

Piper and Paige arrive at the hospital. Paige attempts to convince Piper that it might not be so bad and notes that her spell wore off... which I would’ve taken as a bad sign, but okay. Piper slams down the receptionist’s phone (let’s hope that was nothing dire) and insists they tell her what is happening with Leo. He needs surgery and it could be fatal. Piper freezes the room, despite time clearly being of the essence here, but Paige basically tells her that she needs to get a grip.

Leo is in very bad shape, but just about conscious. Here we have another very strong and emotional scene between these two. You know... sorry Leo fans, but I think this would’ve been so much better had he actually died. Honestly, I think the only thing wrong with this is the contrived way in which they weasel out of it.

Amen! Charmed has a way of keeping male characters around longer than they should. Just think Cole…Andy was *so* lucky to die when he did…

Paige thinks someone magical may be after Leo (besides Death that is), so she decides to get a hold of the driver who ran into Leo.

Back at the Fortress of Solitude. The camera gives us far too good a look at Darth Failure’s “trophies” and it’s really clear that what he actually has encased in ice is a bunch of mannequins.

ROFL!!!

Billie is about to be turned into one of Darth Failure’s popsickles, but Phoebe turns up and shoots him with his own tranquilizer gun.

Hehehehe! She really is my Phoebs in this episode!

Death tells Piper that there is a reason for all this and suggests she talk to someone who has a better understanding of the grand design.

Did anyone else hate those two words as much as I did or cheer as loudly when Paul Ruditis got rid of them in the comics?

Piper has summoned an Elder and an Avatar. Don’t think we’ve seen either of them before. I’m not going to waste time giving them names, because all they do is tell Piper to talk to someone who actually has the authority to tell her. It’s all very foreboding and dramatic, but I’m not sure why they spent the budget hiring these two when they could’ve just had Death tell Piper this.

You answered your own question – to try to artificially amp up the drama…

Paige asks Henry for help.

How could he help?  So all he's really supposed to be is a substitute for Murphy and Darryl?  Typical writers!

He’s not about to drop everything he’s doing for her after she stormed off and refused to explain, so she does. Henry mercifully shuts this whole thing down rather quickly and gets the driver for Paige. I like Henry’s jacket. Paige kidnaps the driver and hits him with a truth potion. He’s supposed to be funny, but he’s not... we establish that he knows nothing.

So a totally unnecessary scene…*sigh*

Phoebe and Billie are threatening Darth Failure with a taste of his own frost bite, just as Phoebe is swept away by a summoning spell. It’s a shame they only think to do this when she’s actually helping someone... could’ve dragged her a$$ away from man hunting to save innocents with that.

Hehehehe! Too, too true!

They summon the Angel of Destiny. Not the one from 4x22. This one is portrayed by Denise Dowse and she has far less patience for their self-important crap, so she’s alright by me. The Denise of Destiny does a glowy eyed vision thing similar to The Seer in season 4 and tells the sisters what the deal is.

DENISE OF DESTINY: There's one more battle on the horizon for you three. One unlike you've ever faced before, one you won't see coming, and one you may not survive.
PIPER: What does that have to do with Leo?
DENISE OF DESTINY: The loss, the pain will motivate you, all of you to fight, without which you will have no chance to prevail.
PHOEBE: Won't you please try to let us find a way to do this without Leo dying?
DENISE OF DESTINY: What exactly do you have in mind?

So what are we supposed to take from that exactly? That if not for one of their nearest and dearest being killed, they’d just let the world burn?

Well, Denise of Destiny (LOVE the name!) sure has their number!

Gotta say, I’m not buying this anyway. If Leo died, Piper would give up again. That’s what she does. In fact, I reckon they all would.

Too, too true. But it’s supposed to start to make us get antsy for this big battle that’s coming…as if all the warning leading up to the Avatars didn’t warn us that during the alternate-universe spin-off, Charmed certainly talks the talk about upcoming drama without ever walking the walk…

Anyway... as for what Phoebe has in mind, we all know what that is.

…*sigh* And my Phoebs goes away for another while…

Billie is still questioning Darth Failure.

BILLIE: My sister, is she alive or not!

Well, they’re putting up a big fuss if the only information is that she’s long dead Billie.

I warned you about what happens to your intelligence quotient when you hang around the Halliwells (and Matthews).

The sisters turn up with Denise to make a deal with Darth Failure. They give him freedom from them if he freezes Leo.

Denise summons Leo and has fixed him up in the process. They say their goodbyes and their “I love you”s. It’s kinda killed by the actual freezing bit, but otherwise it’s rather well done.

Nope. Not when it reminds me too much of Leia and Han in “The Empire Strikes Back” who did *such* a better job.  All I did at Piper was roll my eyes.

Darth Failure is killed by an unseen magical force and Child Catcher’s ice block is also destroyed. In the commentary, Kern actually admits that he had no idea what the bigger evil was at this point. Didn’t need to know that Brad. But hey, no rush, we’re only like half way through the season and nobody would expect you to have an actual plan or anything silly like that!

SHOCK that he admitted it! I’m still trying to figure out how that fits in with Billie and Christy…Maybe Kern thought they’d be cancelled halfway through the season and he wouldn’t have to worry about explaining anything…

Paige cries in Henry’s arms. Phoebe takes care of Wyatt and Chris. Piper weeps beside the car.

*roll eyes at Piper while sobbing for the others, especially the return of my Phoebs.*

Well, it certainly had its issues and I still think it could’ve been better if Leo had actually died... but overall, that was probably the best episode of the season so far. That might not be saying much; but simply because it had some good acting and some emotional weight, I found that much more watchable than any of the previous episodes. Plus Phoebe wasn’t winding me up.

If only they hadn’t turned Leo into Piper’s little errand boy so I was thrilled for him to be away from her, even if he had to be forced – but that happens to a ball-less male… - I’d probably agree totally. But that’s why this is nowhere near the top of my favorite-episode list the way it is on so many other fans.

NEXT UP- Ah well, so much for being positive. Billie gets the power to pull anything out of her a$$, just as her parents come to visit. *Sigh*

*sigh* So that’s what Kern came up with….*big huge sigh* but a BIG, HUGE thank-you to P3Nathan for all of these wonderful reviews.

[Chrisaholic]

So Leo is "on ice" now and frozen until he can come back. What made me always wonder in this episode that Phoebe consoled the boys, and not their mother Piper. Right, she was at the garage where the cars are parked but still. I had expected that the mother consols her boys and again, there's the nagging feeling in me that Chris is in the back to Wyatt. But that's just me, the great fan of Chris.

[Deleted]

At this point, they still weren't sure if Brian Krause would be back for the finale.  Think of this, this might have been the last we saw of Leo!

[Deleted]

Parental Guidance- Episode may be unsuitable for working brains.
AKA: Mr. and Mrs. Witch



We begin with Billie and Phoebe in the attic. Billie informs us that she is meant to be picking up her parents and that this was Phoebe’s idea (typical!). Supposedly the Jenkinses refuse to talk about Christy and so Billie is hoping she’ll get some info out of them at dinner. She’s not looking forward to it at all and refers to her dad as a robot and her mother as a wallflower. Oh also there’s this guy that she’s found who was kidnapped and she believes there may be some sort of demonic kidnapping ring going on or something.

So anyway, Billie is moaning a lot about her parents until Phoebe has had enough and flees the room. Billie insists that they will “suck the life out of this place”. As soon as she says this, a bunch of flowers die. I’m assuming that if Phoebe had left the room just a second later, she too would’ve withered. Damn! So yes, Billie has a new power. I’m sure it’ll be lots of fun.

Opening credits; revised for lack of Brian. In place of his credit, we have the following clips: 2 clips of the sisters from 7x22; Billie doing her Matrix energy ball dodge; Paige blowing up a potion and Billie fighting off the tiny flying monkeys. Also, we no longer have Kit shaking her head to the beat, instead we now have the sisters reclaiming the BOS with the power of three spell (also from 7x22).

Phoebe is having trouble with her column, which always bodes well… knew she was far too bearable last episode for it to last. Piper is wandering around the house filming things for Leo to see when he gets back. Oh good grief, I can totally picture Leo, wishing he was back in his block of ice again, while Piper forces him to sit through hours of her cleaning the house!

Billie meets the kidnap victim. He works at some flashy company and wears a suit. She hands him an enchanted piece of paper that is supposed to be a demon detector. It glows a little when The Suit touches it, but he is meant to be human, so I dunno what that’s supposed to signify. Maybe that he’s working with a demon?

We find out soon enough that The Suit is indeed working with a demon. Said demon is an older, red headed woman and apparently The Suit’s nanny or something. Scary Poppins switched him at birth so that she could groom him or whatever and have him take over one of the world’s most powerful companies. Hell if I know what this company actually does.

Billie picks up her parents from a particularly dodgy looking part of the Paramount lot. First impressions: Mama Jenkins seems friendly enough. Papa Jenkins- not so much.

Phoebe is frustrated that she can’t work in peace and quiet. Yes, they’re rehashing her little hissy fit from season 4… “Saving Private Leo” was it? And for the very same reason too! To get her to move out of the Manor…again. In fairness, she’s not nearly as obnoxious about it as she was in season 4; she does eventually take her laptop upstairs. Plus I’m probably more empathetic on this occasion since I like Piper so much less now.

The dinner. Billie’s parents are super-rude. People they’ve never met have invited them into their home and cooked a big meal for them and they don’t even bother to try and make polite conversation or at least appear to be friendly. Well, Mama Jenkins does try a bit. Paige bails to meet Henry, while Piper tries to get everyone drunk on wine. Papa Jenkins shoots down Billie and Phoebe’s attempt to chat and then he abruptly decides to walk out. I’d be more than happy for my door to hit this jacka$$ on the way out, but Billie wants info; so stops her parents in their tracks by bringing up Christy.

Things get very heated rather quickly and it culminates in Billie shouting “You guys are cold hearted assassins!” That’s a really stupid line even by this show’s standards and it doesn’t even make sense in this context. Cold hearted; fine… but assassins? What?
Anyway, Billie’s new power turns her parents into just that; assassins. Despite supposedly having cold hearts, these assassins flirt and make out a lot.


Piper: She’s the one who said assassins!
Billie: It’s a figure of speech!

On what planet is that then Billie?




Phoebe and Billie go back up to the attic. Billie notices the dead flowers. Phoebe describes the power of projection.

Phoebe: It lets the witch turn people and things into whatever comes to mind without a spell or a potion.

Wouldn’t that just be transformation? Sure sounds like transformation. Also, that description doesn’t fit at all with what they end up using this power for in later episodes. If I remember correctly, a better description would be: “It lets the witch pull anything out of her a$$ at any given moment, without the writers having to come up with a decent explanation for it.”



Billie’s parents have tied Piper up and escaped. Apparently they were too fast to freeze. Yes, Piper, who has been able to freeze speeding bullets since season freakin’ one, couldn’t freeze two enchanted mortals because they were too fast. Wow.

Paige turns up at P3 for her date with Henry 30 minutes late. It turns out that Henry has stood her up and Paige is upset about that.

Mama and Papa Jenkins are attacking some back alley criminal types. Ah okay, so it seems they’re weapons dealers and the Jenkinses steal the arsenal. They only knock them out though... guess they're the nicer, non-assassinating kind of assassins. 



Paige: Can we make some of that stun potion for me to use on Mr. Henry?

Paige, I’m not letting him off the hook completely, but since you were half an hour late and didn’t bother calling him, I’m not sure you get to be quite this huffy about it. Maybe just a tad hypocritical, don’t you think? He could’ve walked out thinking you’d stood him up for all you know and I wouldn’t blame him.



Billie, Phoebe and Paige go off to try and get the Jenkinses. Piper doesn’t want to leave her kids now that she’s lost Leo. I get this development; hinting back to Piper’s fear of leaving her children parentless like in 5x01, but I can’t help but think it’d be more effective if we actually saw her spend some time with Wyatt or Chris this episode.

I noticed that the orbing effect looks far better in this episode. Perhaps that’s where some of Brian’s pay cheque has gone.

Scary Poppins wants The Suit to hire the Jenkinses to kill his cousin (his main competition for the company apparently) See how nicely plot points are meshing together? So natural, not at all forced.

Henry shows up at the manor to explain himself to Paige. Apparently one of his parolees skipped out on him and he’s been trying to call her since. I’ll be honest, when this started, I was worried for Paige and Henry. Along with the splitting the bill non-issue from the other episode, I was afraid that they weren’t as great as I remembered and that they were more like one of Phoebe’s romances than I thought. Well this scene put me at ease. They’re rather mature about the whole thing and come to a decent point of compromise where they can both agree and move forward. You know, like a grown up couple.

They find Billie’s parents again. They’re going to some company event to kill The Suit’s cousin. Phoebe convinces Piper (who is looking lovely by the way) to go out into the world and fight for Leo… ‘cause girl, becoming a hermit aint gonna thaw no husbands, kay? Ahem, not sure why I turned into Ru Paul for a moment there, let’s continue.

We’re at the company event. The Suit’s cousin makes a speech. I listen to the speech for an idea of what this company does and I’m still none the wiser.

The Jenkinses make their move and shoot. Piper, get this, FREEZES THE FREAKIN BULLET, as if to prove my point from earlier. Scary Poppins turns up and unfreezes The Suit so he can finish the job. With the room frozen however, it still appears that The Jenkinses were responsible.


What time is it kids? It’s time for some Phoebe a$$ kissing of course. She’s on the phone with her assistant, who’s amazed by Phoebe’s wonderful advice. It was a letter about a twin who thought she might be too close to her twin to let someone else into her life, so Phoebe has told her to move out. Just like Phoebe is wanting to.
What was that reader? “So it’s actually all about her” you say? DING DING DING! You win today’s trophy. Now if you would be ever so kind and beat me over the head with it repeatedly, that’d be swell. Urgh, so anyway, as usual, the ego-stroking is so unsubtle and so overdone that it’s painful to listen to… and this is all hammering the point that Phoebe will be moving out again.



Scary Poppins tells The Suit that they now need to tie up loose ends. So she gets him to call The Jenkinses and send them after each other. HAHAHA, oh this is just so horrible.

Phoebe is trying to scry for them, but she can’t because they’ve split up. Um, maybe try doing one at a time then, dumba$$.

They use the “call a lost witch” spell since Billie and Christy are witches so it’s in the blood. Um, right, so that would be reason for it to work on Mama Jenkins… but why would it work on Papa Jenkins who I presume married into all the witchyness? Whatever, we’re too near the end for me to be caring this much.

Mama and Papa Jenkins are about to take each other out with their guns. It’s terrible and really, really, really stupid. Just as they’re about to shoot, the call a lost witch spell sweeps them to the manor in a swarm of twinkly lights.

They point their guns at Piper, Phoebe and Billie. Phoebe tells Piper to freeze them, but Mama threatens to shoot, so she puts her hands down. ARE YOU FREAKIN KIDDING ME WOMAN!!!! I just… I wanna… GAAAAAH!!! So yeah, Piper doesn’t freeze them, nor does Billie disarm them telekinetically… they just stand there, because they are morons. Absolute morons!

Billie cries about Christy and her parents change back. I will say that Kaley did a good job in this scene. So I think I’ll have to disagree with people who blame Billie and season 8 on Kaley’s acting ability. I think she did just as well with this as Alyssa or Rose could have. I wouldn’t quite say Holly, since she’s particularly good at selling tears. But yeah, Kaley sold this emotional scene just fine… and she gets a couple of extra points from me, for managing to do so in an episode THIS stupid.


The Suit makes a speech for the press in which he confesses to killing his cousin. Turns out it is actually Piper under a glamour. They can all still do that I guess.

Scary Poppins is not happy about this, so shoots The Suit.



Piper and Phoebe discuss Scary Poppins.

Piper: I’m sure we’ll be seeing her in thirty years or so.
Phoebe: Oh we won’t be doing this in thirty years. They will (gestures at Chris).

So rather than stop Scary Poppins while she’s beaten, they’re going to give her decades to form a new plan and attack their children? Um, alright then.



Phoebe tells Piper about her column, hinting that she wants to move out. Piper seems to get the hint; subtle as her little sister may be. Phoebe looks through the paper and finds a luxury loft.

Paige talks to Henry about how she feels he won’t let her too close. Henry tells her about how his unstable upbringing has brought about some trust issues and fear of losing/having to leave people. They listen to each other and respect each other’s emotions as equally important. Like I said earlier, it’s everything Phoebe’s relationships are not.

Billie and Mama Jenkins talk. Turns out that they knew Billie and Christy were witches all along. Grandma Jenkins was a witch and it just skipped a generation. Mama Jenkins gives Billie Christy’s journal. Billie looks inside and finds a drawing: an upside down pentagram with thorny vines growing out of it.

Next up- A good one for Paige and Henry fans. Meanwhile, Wyatt conjures The Village People for his birthday party.

[Deleted]

Mr. and Mrs. Witch

This episode already has one strike against it in my books, it's named after the movie that inflicted Brangelina on the world, a crime against humanity in of itself.

So anyway, Billie is moaning a lot

Later seasons Piper is clearly rubbing off on Billie.  Flee, Billie, before you become one of them.  One of them..  One of them...

Phoebe is having trouble with her column, which always bodes well

Can't have an episode go by without this, can we.

Billie picks up her parents from a particularly dodgy looking part of the Paramount lot.

Being stuck on that lot really f*cked them over, didn't it.

Phoebe is frustrated that she can’t work in peace and quiet. Yes, they’re rehashing her little hissy fit from season 4… “Saving Private Leo” was it? And for the very same reason too! To get her to move out of the Manor…again.

I'm guessing Phoebe's swelled head has grown too big for the Manor to contain.

Wouldn’t that just be transformation? Sure sounds like transformation. Also, that description doesn’t fit at all with what they end up using this power for in later episodes. If I remember correctly, a better description would be: “It lets the witch pull anything out of her a$$ at any given moment, without the writers having to come up with a decent explanation for it.”

The writers clearly didn't give a damn anymore.  They were no doubt counting down the days until the end.

Billie’s parents have tied Piper up and escaped. Apparently they were too fast to freeze. Yes, Piper, who has been able to freeze speeding bullets since season freakin’ one, couldn’t freeze two enchanted mortals because they were too fast. Wow.

Geez, Piper, we're not talking about the Flash here.  God, you're useless.

Scary Poppins wants The Suit to hire the Jenkinses to kill his cousin (his main competition for the company apparently) See how nicely plot points are meshing together? So natural, not at all forced.

Yeah, and I have this bridge in Brooklyn for sale...

Henry shows up at the manor to explain himself to Paige. Apparently one of his parolees skipped out on him and he’s been trying to call her since. I’ll be honest, when this started, I was worried for Paige and Henry. Along with the splitting the bill non-issue from the other episode, I was afraid that they weren’t as great as I remembered and that they were more like one of Phoebe’s romances than I thought. Well this scene put me at ease. They’re rather mature about the whole thing and come to a decent point of compromise where they can both agree and move forward. You know, like a grown up couple.

The Paige/Henry story line was one of the few good things about this misbegotten season. 

What time is it kids? It’s time for some Phoebe a$$ kissing of course. She’s on the phone with her assistant, who’s amazed by Phoebe’s wonderful advice. It was a letter about a twin who thought she might be too close to her twin to let someone else into her life, so Phoebe has told her to move out. Just like Phoebe is wanting to.
What was that reader? “So it’s actually all about her” you say? DING DING DING! You win today’s trophy. Now if you would be ever so kind and beat me over the head with it repeatedly, that’d be swell. Urgh, so anyway, as usual, the ego-stroking is so unsubtle and so overdone that it’s painful to listen to… and this is all hammering the point that Phoebe will be moving out again.

This is Phoebe's world.  We're just living in it.

They point their guns at Piper, Phoebe and Billie. Phoebe tells Piper to freeze them, but Mama threatens to shoot, so she puts her hands down. ARE YOU FREAKIN KIDDING ME WOMAN!!!! I just… I wanna… GAAAAAH!!! So yeah, Piper doesn’t freeze them, nor does Billie disarm them telekinetically… they just stand there, because they are morons. Absolute morons!

Inspector Clouseau could have done better here.

Phoebe looks through the paper and finds a luxury loft.

Kern:  Let's spend money that we don't have on a pointless story line, because it's all about PhoebME and her swelled head.

Seriously, there was no point to this.  I mean Paige also moved out, when she married Henry, yet they never built a new set for that.  Why is Phoebe so damned special that they build a new set for her, in a season where they have virtually no money?  Does this make sense to anyone else here?

Next up- A good one for Paige and Henry fans.

As I said, their story line is one of the few gems of this season.

[Deleted]

Seriously, there was no point to this. I mean Paige also moved out, when she married Henry, yet they never built a new set for that. Why is Phoebe so damned special that they build a new set for her, in a season where they have virtually no money? Does this make sense to anyone else here?

It's true actually, if they were going to give one of the sisters her own place, you'd think it'd be the one getting married soon. Especially with Paige always being the one who wanted an identity away from the sisterhood the most. Giving her a place of her own would've made far more sense to me, as it's something she's always wanted on some level. With Phoebe it's just a tantrum whenever she's on her laptop and people dare to exist around her.

[Sadrick]

I'm surprised Piper didn't pitch a fit about Phoebe doing the same exact thing for the same reasons why she was hoping to leave the manor back during Season 3.

[Melinda Halliwell]

Jan 18, 2016 6:58:34 GMT -5 @p3nathan said:

Seriously, there was no point to this. I mean Paige also moved out, when she married Henry, yet they never built a new set for that. Why is Phoebe so damned special that they build a new set for her, in a season where they have virtually no money? Does this make sense to anyone else here?

Because she was star of course and no it didn't make sense since no-one complained never seeing Paige's gaff after marrying Henry and think about it by having no loft we'd have no Dex or Mr stupid Carboard either.

[Deleted]

It just doesn't make sense.  In a season where they had virtually no budget, where they had to let one long standing cast member go and cut another back to half a season, in a season where even leaving the Paramount lot was out of the question, why blow money on Phoebe's pointless loft. 

Said loft really served no useful purpose except to have a place where Mr. Cardboard could stalk Phoebe (seriously, it's a wonder Phoebe never sought to get a restraining order here) and a place for Piper and Leo to flee to after the Manor blew up (and they could have easily fled to P3).

Phoebe's move out was a pointless waste of money that they did not have.

[Chrisaholic]

To "Mr. & Mrs. Witch": Okay, Billie gained a new power (useful or useless?) and then she said that her parents are assassins in the heat of the moment. Really? That doesn't make sense, even in real life. Phoebe is always complaining about anyone and anything, it seems, epecially in the last season. They wanted to be left alone, then they should have moved to another city or country. Would have been the best solution, yet for Piper there are still kids to take care of. Wonder though why she didn't forget Chris this time.

[Deleted]

Who wants not one, but two season 8 episodes?
Answer: Nobody!!!

But read these anyway...



It’s Fun to Stay at the M-A-N-O-R!
AKA: Payback’s a Witch



It’s Wyatt’s birthday and he’s messing around, orbing stuff about. Piper is frustrated and thinks he’s acting out because he misses Leo... but honestly he looks happy enough to me.

Piper: Mommy’s here.

Oh come on now Piper, don’t push the poor kid over the edge.



Elder Cheapus turns up for some reason… to tell Piper to just keep on keepin’ on I guess.
Wyatt orbs a cake at his face for his troubles. Hehe, nice. Also, cute little detail: Wyatt uses the same hand gesture as Piper to do so.


Billie is torturing a Body Snatcher in the attic; interrogating him to try and find out what the symbol in Christy’s diary means. Piper moans about this and claims that Billie is obsessed with revenge. Basically, she just can’t stand anyone in the house not focusing on her stuff. Body Snatcher escapes during Piper’s b!tch-fest.



Piper: The gods are against me, or at least the balloons are!

Oh get a grip you whiny shrew. Is there an ice block we can stick her in?




Body Snatcher (BS…heh fitting) has a gang. One of them knows who took Christy, which is impressive; because I’m not convinced the writers have actually figured that out yet. The others are just your standard black wearing nobodies.


Paige and Henry are at a bank, helping an ex-soldier who has done jail time try to get a loan. His name is Nick. Billie shows up, much to Paige’s dismay. No wonder she’s so desperate to find Christy; why does she spend time with these jerks? Oh right, Kaley's contract.


Phoebe talks to Wyatt about missing Leo. She does her baby voice... oh I so hoped we’d heard the last of that last season! She then casts a spell on Wyatt’s bear and makes it talk; which is obviously meant to be sweet, but they managed to make it creepy as hell. Fortunately the horror-bear is interrupted by Wyatt turning three of his toys into The Village People. I’m just glad he turned them into actual people, so that we don’t have to sit through a hideous low budget Toy Story rip off.


Back at the bank, Nick is denied the loan. He walks out and crashes his car into the building. He then holds everyone at gunpoint. Well that escalated quickly... but it’s implied that he’s basically been pooped on since he got back from Iraq, so this has presumably been building for a while.


The Village People crash Wyatt’s party. They bicker about “broken promises” and then start to do some recon.


Henry tries and fails to calm Nick down. Paige snipes at Billie about her obsession, to which Billie responds. “Do you want me to call for his gun?” Haha, good one Billie; way to shut her up.


Paige goes to the bathroom and orbs home long enough to tell Piper and Phoebe to call Agent Murphy to try and find Nick’s son. I'm completely surprised by the mention of Murphy; I thought he was out of sight, out of mind; along with all the other short term guest stars.


Billie starts making a potion out of random crap found in a hand bag. Tell me how the sisters are going to teach her again. 


Nick wants a helicopter. Brian needs to leave the show and Phoebe can’t levitate, but Brad seriously demanded a helicopter for this episode. Wow.


The Village People have started interrogating the guests for Leo’s whereabouts. Phoebe watches this and slowly works out 2 + 2 in her head.


In the bank, a cop fires at Nick, but Henry shields him.


At Notwarts, BS reveals to his gang that he wants to expose the witches for revenge.


Nick speaks to his son and seems ready to turn himself in, but he then gets body snatched by BS’s icky black possession tendrils.


Phoebe realises what the Village People are looking for; lord she’s quick. They talk about how it’s their fault that he’s gone and how he said he would always be there. Phoebe works out that Wyatt is actually speaking through the toys.



Paige (to Billie): Fortunately, you’re not the only one who wants revenge.

Okay, first Piper, now Paige… gotta say, it’s annoying me that this is how they’re seeing the Billie situation. She wants her sister back; she doesn’t just want to hurt demons to get back at them. This isn’t “Hell Hath No Fury”, Billie can actually save her sister! It’s even more annoying, because Billie’s actions aren’t really any different to what we see Piper doing in the next episode… but of course it’s ALWAYS different when your name begins with a P isn’t it?



Henry is dying. BS taunts Paige, trying to get her to orb Henry out, but instead, her healing power activates and she fixes up Henry’s wound. It’s a good scene and by far the best introduction of a new power since... well perhaps since the pilot actually; because you can really see the emotion behind the magic.


Billie throws a smoke bomb at BS. He takes Billie onto Brad’s totally necessary helicopter. So, spoiler alert, they glamoured to switch appearances during the smoke cloud. Rose’s impression of Billie has a very sore throat… I kinda get what she was going for, but she just sounds like she needs a lozenge.


BS’s team try to kill “Billie”, but she reflects their energy balls back at them and then orbs out with BS.


In the attic, Piper and Phoebe hit BS with a de-possessing potion. “Billie” reveals herself to be Paige while the real Billie walks in and vanquishes BS. I forgot how much they used their sudden glamouring powers to sort things out since 7x22. They did it in the premiere, they did it last episode, they did it to that lawyer guy, now this. Pretty repetitive.


Billie tells the sisters that they were right, because of course they always are. There’s some teasing about Paige healing Henry seeing as love is still the trigger; which I’m happy they remembered.


Piper talks to Wyatt and tells him that Leo being gone is not his fault. Wyatt turns the toys back and there is an admittedly rather sweet hug between him and Piper.



Next up- It’s a rehash palooza, with five old episodes spliced together by my count.




--------------------------------------------------------


“Freaky Phoebe” tells us “The Importance of” how much “Size Matters” when making sure you “Scry Hard” for “The Power of Three” brunettes.
AKA- Repo Manor


Notwarts. We start off with the sisters doing some demon fighting. Well hey, works for me; bit of action. Wow, we even have Phoebe kicking some a$$, don’t see much of that these days! Oops, my mistake... a demon shows up and the not-sisters morph into their true selves; three female demons.


So these are our bad guys today. Their names are Patra, Pilar and Phoenix and they want to be the Charmed Ones. Those names are absolutely terrible. Thank God Piper ditched the P tradition if this is what the writers have left. I’ll call them Poopy, Pathetic and Pancetta. The male demon is sort of their guide; so I’ll call him Theo. Their group name can be PeeFree.


Theo says that they’ve mastered the sisters’ individual powers, but not the power of three... as if that’s something that matters these days.


At the Manor, Phoebe is in the process of moving out, carrying boxes downstairs. Piper has been searching for demonic leads on what they might have to fight in order to get Leo back. Piper clearly has issues with Phoebe moving out and tries to stall her a little.


Paige wants to tell Henry her secret. She asks Phoebe for advice... the hell is wrong with you Paige? Phoebe suggests using fairies and leprechauns to help put Henry in a good mood. Damn it Paige, this is what happens when you talk to Phoebe!


Back to PeeFree. They’re slaves who have escaped from a demon who the writers have ingeniously called “The Slave King”. Somehow they have infused their blood with the blood of the sisters and that is how they’re using their powers.
They try to think of a way to channel the power of three and they make a few weird suggestions that reference previous episodes; such as turning Phoebe into a genie again and using Excalibur. Eventually they pick a different episode to rehash and decide to use the doll house to trap the sisters, so that they can take the real house for themselves.


Billie is in Phoebe’s bedroom using the Book and the spirit board to try and get a message from Christy. I believe this is the first time we’ve seen the board used since season 2’s “Apocalypse Not”.


Paige takes the Book and summons a fairy. Apparently Henry has been losing stuff and fairies are to blame for it, so Paige asks the fairy to give him his stuff back. The fairy refuses to do her bidding, reveals a mouth full of gnarly fangs and eats Paige’s head. Okay no, but tell me that wouldn’t have been more interesting! The fairy of course just smiles and complies.


Paige seems to have had some success when Henry tells her that he’s been finding tons of stuff he’d lost. She asks him to have dinner that night, but Henry says he has to write letters of recommendation for parolees and Henry admits that he is no wordsmith. So, Paige leaves the room and summons a muse, using a shortened version of the spell used originally. So really, not only is the main plot taken from the five episodes I listed; they’ve also got a subplot that takes points from “Muse to My Ears”, “Once Upon a Time” and “Wrestling with Demons” (the lost and found spell).


Piper has found a lead; another totally not extinct wizard. This one is called Zakal.





In the Bay Mirror elevator, Theo magically puts Phoebe to sleep with a wave of his hand. So killing her would be very easy at this point, but as usual they just choose not to. Pathetic turns up and morphs into Phoebe’s appearance.

Theo: Don’t be too keen; you’ll tip the sisters off.

Pah! Once again, the demons have far more faith in the sisters than most of the audience. Dude, watch any episode where Phoebe is possessed or replaced; trust me, these dingbats won’t have the foggiest clue!




Pathetic vanquishes Zakal using a power of three potion. She’s really obvious, but see above; Piper and Paige are really dense.


Piper can’t believe that “Phoebe” seems to care more about her condo than finding Leo. Not sure why; that bit seems totally in character to me.




Paige summons a leprechaun; this one played by that guy from Twin Peaks-

Paige: Look, I’m not in the mood, okay? Really, really, I’m not. And besides, you guys owe me. You remember a little somebody named Shamus?

Oh you mean that leprechaun that got choked to death by a demon who the leprechauns basically ended up vanquishing themselves? Yeah Paige, tell us about him!




Paige is knocked out by Theo. This is ridiculously easy. So now Phoebe and Paige are both in the dollhouse; which has been taken to Theo’s cave in the underworld by the way. Paige can’t orb them out, because like in “Size Matters” their powers are smaller too.


Pathetic and Pancetta tell Piper about the Slave King. The leprechaun shows up and talks to a clueless Pancetta, whom does quite an amusing eye roll as the leprechaun goes to sprinkle Henry with his magic chicken nugget.


Tired of the pretense, Pathetic punches Piper unconscious. Heehee. Pancetta orbs her down to the dollhouse and Poopy finally takes her place. PeeFree look at the Slave King vanquishing potion.




Poopy: Okay. We’re gonna need some henbane, gypsy’s blood and hemlock root.

Whoa, wait a second! Gypsy blood? I knew these guys were evil! I guess that’s why we haven’t seen Ava or her clan recently. They’ve all been put into the evil Charmed Ones’ potions!




All three sisters now in the dollhouse.

Phoebe: It seems to be an annual event for you.

If we acknowledge that it’s a rehash, it’s okay! The sisters plan to get through to the spirit board to try and give Billie a message.



They succeed, giving Billie the message “Dollhouse”. Billie logs onto her Netflix account and binge watches the Joss Whedon show while the sisters rot in the underworld.
Only kidding. She goes to PeeFree with it and gets pushed down by Pathetic and orbed out of the house by Pancetta. With Billie out of the way, they decide to stop pretending to be the sisters and morph back to their true forms.


PeeFree go and vanquish the Slave King. I’m glad he wasn’t more of a focus, because the actor is pretty lousy... not that PeeFree have been that great, but still.


Back at the dollhouse. Paige orbs a sharp rock into position. She calls “pointy thing”, perhaps in fear that shouting “rock” might accidentally orb her own brain out of her skull. Piper blasts Theo which knocks him over and the rock goes right through his temple. Youch, that was pretty gruesome.




PeeFree show up and we then have this really stupid bit. I’ll just quote it-

Poopy: This is for Savard.
Piper: Hey, hey. Hang on a second. What are you – you’re gonna kill me with my own power? What are you, kidding me? How insulting let alone boring.
Phoebe: Yeah. Show some pride. You know what I mean? Be original.
Paige: You guys must suffer from really low self-esteem near as I can figure.
Phoebe: Which is clearly why they had to steal our powers.
Piper: That must be very humiliating.

PeeFree of course totally fall for this stupidity and produce fireballs. Supposedly, once they stop channeling the sisters’ power and start using their own, that allows the sisters to tap into the power of three and enhance Paige’s orbing? I think that’s how it’s meant to be anyway...it’s not explained very well. Anyway, Paige orbs the dollhouse, which from her perspective is the size of the actual Manor... so either her power was enhanced or Paige can orb an entire freakin’ house now, I dunno.



Back at the actual Manor, the dollhouse is orbed to the attic. Billie has returned and she adjusts the “power switching” spell in order to “switch bodies” instead. PeeFree and P3 switch places. They’re lucky they didn’t end up in the demons’ bodies the way that was worded! Now that the demons are in the dollhouse, Piper rather prophetically blows it to smithereens.


Paige and Henry have dinner. I love this scene. Paige reveals her magic by conjuring some lights. She thinks he’s completely freaked, but Henry takes her hand, looks into her eyes and says “I’m not afraid”. They kiss under the twinkly lights. Awww.


Phoebe is finally leaving (the house, not the show). Piper is very sad about all the recent changes and she really sells this scene. Damn it Holly, you’re actually getting me misty eyed over Phoebe pissing off! Stop it!



Next up- The Chinese Zodiacs wreak havoc with their magic disco stick.

[Astral Vision]

Very funny as always. Did Billie really mockingly say "Do you want me to call for his gun?" to Paige in that episode? I don't remember that line.

[Deleted]

Jan 27, 2016 12:10:58 GMT -5 Astral Vision said:

Very funny as always. Did Billie really mockingly say "Do you want me to call for his gun?" to Paige in that episode? I don't remember that line.

Thank you

The line is there, but the mocking tone is just wishful thinking on my part. Although I did find it unusual since "calling" is usually how Paige refers to her power specifically.

[Deleted]

Piper: Mommy’s here.

Oh come on now Piper, don’t push the poor kid over the edge

Someone call Child Protective Services.

Piper moans about this and claims that Billie is obsessed with revenge. Basically, she just can’t stand anyone in the house not focusing on her stuff. Body Snatcher escapes during Piper’s b!tch-fest.

Get out of there now, Billie!  Hurry!

Piper: The gods are against me, or at least the balloons are!

Oh get a grip you whiny shrew. Is there an ice block we can stick her in?

They should have asked the Angel Of Destiny if they could switch Piper for Leo.

Paige and Henry are at a bank, helping an ex-soldier who has done jail time try to get a loan. His name is Nick. Billie shows up, much to Paige’s dismay. No wonder she’s so desperate to find Christy; why does she spend time with these jerks? Oh right, Kaley's contract.

Could be worse, she could still be with Piper.

Henry tries and fails to calm Nick down. Paige snipes at Billie about her obsession, to which Billie responds. “Do you want me to call for his gun?” Haha, good one Billie; way to shut her up.

Paige has this nasty habit of forgetting that she can orb guns.  Just ask Rick.

but of course it’s ALWAYS different when your name begins with a P isn’t it?

Of course they are.  The later seasons Charmed Ones are above us peasants and are exempt from the laws and rules we must follow.

Henry is dying. BS taunts Paige, trying to get her to orb Henry out, but instead, her healing power activates and she fixes up Henry’s wound. It’s a good scene and by far the best introduction of a new power since... well perhaps since the pilot actually; because you can really see the emotion behind the magic.

This was a good scene.  As I said, Paige and Henry were one of the few good things about Season Eight.

Brad’s totally necessary helicopter

Who did Brad bribe to get that.  With no budget, how else could they have afforded it.

In the attic, Piper and Phoebe hit BS with a de-possessing potion. “Billie” reveals herself to be Paige while the real Billie walks in and vanquishes BS. I forgot how much they used their sudden glamouring powers to sort things out since 7x22. They did it in the premiere, they did it last episode, they did it to that lawyer guy, now this. Pretty repetitive.

As I said, they weren't even trying anymore by this point.

“Freaky Phoebe” tells us “The Importance of” how much “Size Matters” when making sure you “Scry Hard” for “The Power of Three” brunettes.
AKA- Repo Manor

Translation: We have no money and we're run out of ideas!

So these are our bad guys today. Their names are Patra, Pilar and Phoenix and they want to be the Charmed Ones. Those names are absolutely terrible. Thank God Piper ditched the P tradition if this is what the writers have left. I’ll call them Poopy, Pathetic and Pancetta. The male demon is sort of their guide; so I’ll call him Theo. Their group name can be PeeFree.

Gee, evil Charmed Ones.  See files on the Rowe Coven and the Stillman sisters.

Paige wants to tell Henry her secret. She asks Phoebe for advice... the hell is wrong with you Paige? Phoebe suggests using fairies and leprechauns to help put Henry in a good mood. Damn it Paige, this is what happens when you talk to Phoebe!

Geez, Paige, you should have known better.

Paige wants to tell Henry her secret. She asks Phoebe for advice... the hell is wrong with you Paige? Phoebe suggests using fairies and leprechauns to help put Henry in a good mood. Damn it Paige, this is what happens when you talk to Phoebe!

Pathetic, isn't it.  They have to plunder so many past episodes  just to make one.

Paige: Look, I’m not in the mood, okay? Really, really, I’m not. And besides, you guys owe me. You remember a little somebody named Shamus?

Oh you mean that leprechaun that got choked to death by a demon who the leprechauns basically ended up vanquishing themselves? Yeah Paige, tell us about him!

Considering that you and your sisters totally dropped the ball on Shamus, they don't owe you squat, Paige.  Rather, you should be owing them!

Paige and Henry have dinner. I love this scene. Paige reveals her magic by conjuring some lights. She thinks he’s completely freaked, but Henry takes her hand, looks into her eyes and says “I’m not afraid”. They kiss under the twinkly lights. Awww.

I like this scene too.

Phoebe is finally leaving (the house, not the show

Too bad she's not leaving the planet.  Nobody would care.

[Deleted]

Yeah I'm definitely glad to have Henry in the show. His relationship with Paige is a much needed breath of air between... well, just about everything else. I'm glad I hadn't made it out to be better in my memory than it actually was, because I did worry about that, considering what there was to compare it to.

[Chrisaholic]

To "Payback's a Witch": Glad, Wyatt's third birthday party and he misses his Daddy. Understandable and cool that he copies Aunt Phoebe with his powers into making three toy soldiers look like Village People from 1970ies. Billie is so much on that hunt for her sister that anyone and anything moves to the back. Only glad that she could help Paige and Henry at the bank where Paige shows her true feelings for Henry for the first time. Also the problem on Wyatt's birthday could be solved, by Piper, yet where was Wyatt's little brother again?

To "Repo Manor": Same old, same old. Three Ps, this time demonic and so well trained (pah!), want to change with the second original Ps. At least, Billie got some hits which she deserved in my eyes. Nothing against the actress but the character. Sorry, I still don't like it. And then Phoebe moving in the end. All seen before. Yikes!!

[Esmeralda]

Jan 18, 2016 8:02:35 GMT -5 Sadrick said:

I'm surprised Piper didn't pitch a fit about Phoebe doing the same exact thing for the same reasons why she was hoping to leave the manor back during Season 3.

Latter season Piper didn't throw fits like early Piper did - she just felt sorry for herself. I also think that's why they had Phoebe move out (besides having a place for the Book of Shadows when the Manor got destroyed in 'Kill Billie, Vol 2') - so Piper would have even *more* of a reason. Why else would the stupid writers and the stupider showrunner have Phoebe do this right after Leo becomes Piper's little popcicle, when she really needed her sister? So we'd even feel sorrier for poor, poor pitiful Piper and be even happier for her when she had her sappy ending.

Oh, give me a freakin' break!

As for Paige, she was moving in with Henry pretty soon, so no real need to give her a place of her own.

[Deleted]

I Can’t Believe It’s Not Buddha!
AKA- 12 Angry Zen



We start off one year ago, in a garden that looks quite similar to Limbo from season 4 (after Yen Lo was killed and it turned green again). A bunch of men (12 I assume, I haven’t counted) are inside a forcefield fending off a demonic attack. They’re all wearing long red robes with gold trim and each has an animal design on the front.

The leader of the demon gang may look familiar, particularly to any other Brits out there. I recognise him as Captain Von Trap from "The Sound of Music Live" that was on TV around Christmas time recently. I also think he might have been in "Downton Abbey", but I stopped watching that years ago so I could be wrong on that one. Anyway, Von Claptrap is what I’ll be calling him today. He wants their staff and attempts to get it every year apparently. What a sad existence.


Present day. Phoebe takes Piper’s TiVo and Piper actually lets her. Piper can’t be bothered arguing it seems because the kids are at Marine Land with Victor and she’s still looking for a lead on what they’ll have to fight to get Leo back. Tell me again how obsessed Billie is Piper. Today Piper has decided to try “magically divining”, which supposedly involves brewing potions that are supposed to conjure up some sort of sign from the magical grapevine.


Phoebe: Okay. Then I should help you.
Piper: No, no, no. I don’t want to drag you back into this. I want you to go to your new place and enjoy it and enjoy your new life.
Phoebe: Yeah, but, Piper, I’m not...
Piper: No buts! I have the same speech to Paige. This is not your burden to bear. It’s mine.

Um, I think the Denise of Destiny would beg to differ Piper. She made it pretty freakin’ clear that this is a job for all three of you... y’know, the Charmed Ones? That thing that used to be important? Not the power of one!



Anyway, as they leave the room, the potion blows up and reveals a glowing Chinese symbol.



We’re introduced to Phoebe’s condo. Billie shows up with a plant, but Phoebe wants to be alone, so rather rudely sends her to help Piper. Can’t imagine why you don’t have more friends Phoebe.

Then Paige orbs in, which annoys Phoebe some more. Paige is worried that the whole magic thing might be pushing her and Henry apart, because he’s asking questions. Oh dear, Henry, no no... this isn’t the show for that; are you trying to get killed off by the writers? Paige orbs out (the orbing effect has gone back to looking like crap by the way, after a couple of episodes of looking alright).

Phoebe is then super duper annoyed when the doorbell rings. However, when she opens the door, it’s a cute guy; so of course it’s totally okay in that case. He’s RSVPing to Phoebe’s house warming party invitation.



Notwarts. Von Claptrap has been sleeping in a coffin and he his woken up by his gang because today is the ceremony. Supposedly he sleeps for the rest of the year to conserve his energy for this day... and I thought he led a pathetic existence before!

They talk about the red robes and call them the Zodiacs. The staff will be passed to Rooster this year. Yeah, they’re actually named after their animals. I’m just imagining a naming ceremony where the most popular guy gets chosen for Dragon and the poor guy picked last gets stuck with Rat. They also mention Lo Pan, who is servant to the Zodiacs and responsible for getting the staff where it’s meant to be.



Billie gets Piper’s potion to work properly. Tell me how the sisters are going to teach her again! She brings the symbol back up and it leads them to a laundry place in China Town. The guy running the place is Lo Pan and he says that the symbol represents the eternal cycle. They go through a funky magic curtain and end up in the garden.


The demons are attacking again, but this time they’re ganging up on one guy, Rooster, and he ends up being killed. He dissolves into tiny lights. Billie whips the staff out of Von Claptrap’s reach with her power and then Piper attempts to blow him up; which amounts to a mediocre chest massage for Von Claptrap, but he shimmers out anyway because we’ve got a lot more run time to get through yet.


Lo Pan tells us that the staff is “Buddha’s Mystical Staff” and that it needs to be passed on each year to the respective Zodiac. I’m not sure what purpose the staff is actually supposed to serve, but supposedly if it isn’t passed on, the cycle will end. Dun dun dun! 


He also informs us that Billie was born on the year of the tiger. He then says that Piper is a buffalo, by which I’ll assume he means ox, since there’s only a buffalo in the Vietnamese calendar. Well, I’ve always thought she was a cow.


He gives the staff to Piper and insists that she must keep a clear mind, or else the staff will influence people with her personality. Oh yeah, this’ll go well then!




Paige and Henry are at the manor.

Henry: I thought we were doing pretty well.
Paige: Yeah, definitely, except for, you know, when the M word kind of comes up. Things start getting a little bit, uh...
Henry: Weird.

I'll be honest, when I first saw this, I misheard Paige and thought she said “the N word” and stupidly thought “Well of course that’d make things awkward, what the hell Paige?! I don’t remember this storyline!” Ahem, my mistake.
Anyway, as I said earlier, Henry has been asking her questions; which pretty much amount to “why don’t you create world peace?”, so I’m not sure why she doesn’t just tell him about the really screwed up time when they actually did try to do that... but instead she just gets awkward about it.
Piper turns up and infects Paige with her personality. This makes Paige obsessed with “helping Henry” as Piper has been with helping Leo.


Billie is in the garden with Lo Pan. He says that she needs to master her projection power if she wants to find her sister. Lo Pan takes Billie to a dying tree and gets her to bring it back to life, or "make the tree like it was at the beginning of its cycle", as he puts it. Now she is apparently ready to find her sister, because that’s how power progression goes these days.


Piper is attacked by the 11 remaining Zodiacs at the house. They stop when she threatens to break it and agree to listen to her.





Back to the garden. Billie tells Lo Pan that the last time she used her power, she turned her parents into assassins. Judging from his reaction, it seems Lo Pan is as befuddled as me by the fact that that was an actual episode.

Lo Pan once again guides Billie through using her projection power. This time, she uses it to travel back in time to see Christy in her cave. At this point I’d just like to remind people of Phoebe’s description of projection:

“It allows the witch to turn things and people into whatever comes to mind without a spell or a potion.”

And now a reminder of my description. You can decide which you think fits better.

“It allows the witch to pull anything out of her a$$ at any given moment without the writers needing to give a decent explanation for it”

I mean really, this doesn’t even fit the flimsy explanation of “projecting your will onto something”, because she’s not even aiming it at a particular thing or person in front of her. She’s just straight up time travelling! Urgh, anyway.





So Billie is in a cave. The cave is marked with Chinese symbols, though I have no idea why that would be. Guess they had a left over prop from the Zodiac garden and just decided to throw it in there. Christy comes out of the shadows. She’s still a little girl, but she looks at least a couple of years older than in Billie’s flashback and it does seem like she might have been here for quite a while.



Back at the manor. The Zodiacs (or just Dog really, since he’s the only one given lines), is very quick to blame Lo Pan for everything that has gone wrong, but Piper shuts him up.

Piper: I guess you guys heard about Chicken
Dog: Rooster!

Heh. She's such an a$$hole



The demons show up again. Dog teleports Piper out of the house with the staff and a fight ensues in the Manor. I say teleport; the Zodiacs do a kind of wind thingy; a bit like Shax but more cloudy and less destructive.


Paige (still under the staff’s influence) takes Henry up to the bridge, hoping to get an explanation for Henry from the Elders. Wow Paige, you really are desperate huh? She doesn’t get the chance because a gust of wind knocks Henry over the edge and she has to save him.


Meanwhile some “prop on a string” hilarity does not ensue, as the staff dances for Piper in the back of the car. Oy...


Phoebe’s housewarming party. She didn’t invite her sisters and her one friend? Geesh. Well, I guess they might take time away from her flirting with doorbell guy. Piper turns up and Phoebe infects Piper with her personality of not giving a sh!t; so Piper leaves the staff with her and walks off to go to Marine Land with her kids.
Phoebe then infects the party with her personality and it turns into a full blown orgy. Ha! Well at least there’s a bit of self-awareness in terms of what the sisters are like I guess.


Back to Christy’s cave in the past. Christy is dirty and scared. Billie realises that she doesn’t actually know that she’s a witch at this point in time. She then finds that Christy has a necklace bearing the same symbol that was in her diary. The demons can be heard approaching and Christy starts to cry and panic. Billie is back in the garden and present day. Okay, not really sure what that achieved, but alright.



Piper is trying to fix a flat tire. She talks to Wyatt on the phone telling him to wait for her to get there so that she can see the penguins with him... which is odd, because it looks like the middle of the night. Anyway, Von Claptrap gets to her.



Phoebe and Paige are at the Manor, worried because Victor said the line went dead when he talked to Piper.

Phoebe: I think we should try the “to call a lost witch” spell.
Paige: It won’t work unless she’s actually lost. She could be just spending time with the boys, which would be a good thing, right?

Um, what? Since when has that been a rule? You guys use that spell to summon each other all the time.



No need either way, because Von Claptrap shows up with Piper and infects all three of them with the staff. Presumably he’s given them his eeevil personality.


The sisters go to find Billie and Lo Pan at the garden and start attacking. Piper blasts them, but misses. Paige throws a boulder, but Billie flings it back. Phoebe...um, sneers.

Lo Pan tells Billie to project something else out of her a$$. So she “projects what she wishes” onto the sisters and that makes them “good” again.


Von Claptrap is at Notwarts with his gang feeling very pleased with himself.
Paige calls for the staff and the four of them hold it.
Billie uses her all purpose power yet again. This time it makes the staff glow and causes all the demons to explode. Again, don’t expect an explanation for what just happened, because remember; “It allows the witch to pull anything out of her a$$ at any given moment without the writers needing to give a decent explanation for it”

Also, the demons all looked super bored as they were being killed.



Billie has Christy’s necklace and that doesn’t mess with time at all, because potato. She uses it to scry for her.



At the garden, the ceremony is underway. Lo Pan is the new rooster; so I guess they do have actual names aside from their signs.



Paige and Henry are on the bridge.

Henry: I think I’m falling in love with you.
Paige: I think I’m falling in love with you too.

Eeeek. Sorry, but I’m totally fan-boying over these two haha.



Billie arrives at Christy’s cave. She says “Christy?” and we fade to black. Dun dun dun.





Next up- A half witch, half whitelighter (we really needed more of those) shows up to wed Paige. Meanwhile, the identities of Christy’s abductors are revealed... prepare to be underwhelmed.

[Deleted]

Piper: No buts! I have the same speech to Paige. This is not your burden to bear. It’s mine.

Um, I think the Denise of Destiny would beg to differ Piper. She made it pretty freakin’ clear that this is a job for all three of you... y’know, the Charmed Ones? That thing that used to be important? Not the power of one!

They really forgot this whole "Power Of Three" thing, didn't they?

Phoebe is then super duper annoyed when the doorbell rings. However, when she opens the door, it’s a cute guy; so of course it’s totally okay in that case. He’s RSVPing to Phoebe’s house warming party invitation.

Yeah, it's okay for cute guys to disturb Phoebe.  Everyone else can get lost though.

The demons are attacking again, but this time they’re ganging up on one guy, Rooster, and he ends up being killed. He dissolves into tiny lights. Billie whips the staff out of Von Claptrap’s reach with her power and then Piper attempts to blow him up; which amounts to a mediocre chest massage for Von Claptrap, but he shimmers out anyway because we’ve got a lot more run time to get through yet.

Oh yeah, we're just getting started with this one, folks.

He gives the staff to Piper and insists that she must keep a clear mind, or else the staff will influence people with her personality. Oh yeah, this’ll go well then!

Geez, why not hand some nitro glycerin to Kramer (who jerks around a lot).

Back to the garden. Billie tells Lo Pan that the last time she used her power, she turned her parents into assassins. Judging from his reaction, it seems Lo Pan is as befuddled as me by the fact that that was an actual episode.

He's not the only one.

Lo Pan once again guides Billie through using her projection power. This time, she uses it to travel back in time to see Christy in her cave. At this point I’d just like to remind people of Phoebe’s description of projection:

“It allows the witch to turn things and people into whatever comes to mind without a spell or a potion.”

And now a reminder of my description. You can decide which you think fits better.

“It allows the witch to pull anything out of her a$$ at any given moment without the writers needing to give a decent explanation for it”

I mean really, this doesn’t even fit the flimsy explanation of “projecting your will onto something”, because she’s not even aiming it at a particular thing or person in front of her. She’s just straight up time travelling! Urgh, anyway.

And that's why people started referring to Billie as a Mary Sue.  In less than a year, she got more powers than the Charmed Ones did in eight.

Phoebe’s housewarming party. She didn’t invite her sisters and her one friend? Geesh. Well, I guess they might take time away from her flirting with doorbell guy. Piper turns up and Phoebe infects Piper with her personality of not giving a sh!t; so Piper leaves the staff with her and walks off to go to Marine Land with her kids.
Phoebe then infects the party with her personality and it turns into a full blown orgy. Ha! Well at least there’s a bit of self-awareness in terms of what the sisters are like I guess.

Did Caligula show up?  He would have been right at home.

Phoebe: I think we should try the “to call a lost witch” spell.
Paige: It won’t work unless she’s actually lost. She could be just spending time with the boys, which would be a good thing, right?

Um, what? Since when has that been a rule? You guys use that spell to summon each other all the time.

Kern clearly thinks we suffer from the same amnesia virus that the sisters apparently suffer from.

Billie uses her all purpose power yet again. This time it makes the staff glow and causes all the demons to explode. Again, don’t expect an explanation for what just happened, because remember; “It allows the witch to pull anything out of her a$$ at any given moment without the writers needing to give a decent explanation for it”

Yeah, the writers really got lazy at this point, didn't they.

Meanwhile, the identities of Christy’s abductors are revealed... prepare to be underwhelmed.

Ah well, you're halfway to the end now.