Writing a fanfiction. (Next Generation)

[cyma]

Before I dive into the character-specific feedback, I’m going to get a few of my pet peeves out of the way:

Too similar to the Charmed Ones

Their personalities, their relationship with each other, even their careers are a major déjà vu. Paris getting under Prue's skin. Phoenix having a huge heart and ready to help anyone and also wanting to become a chef. It's just way too close to the Charmed Ones.

Which shouldn’t be.

These girls have a Cupid father who didn't abandon them, a living mother who didn’t die tragically and left her children traumatized, not to mention aunts, cousins, dead relatives who occasionally pop up and a grandfather. This would definitely affect their personalities and their relationship with each other.

There is going to be a long list of more reasons these girls need to be different than the Charmed Ones. But one of the most important reason:

Wyatt and Chris

Wyatt and Chris are two huge issues. They’re sort of……interesting
 
I’m a fan of the Halliwell sisters, but even I gotta admit that these two have such compelling back stories and even forward stories. Which is a really great thing for them. But not a very good thing for their side-kick invisible cousins unfortunately.

It’s easy to avoid Wyatt and Chris when you’re just writing about the Halliwell sisters, but not Halliwell cousins. So if Phoebe’s daughters are going to be the main characters, then they need to be not only interesting, but really REALLY damn interesting characters.

Melinda
Have you noticed the GIFs I posted from Tumblr? We see three kids for Phoebe and Paige, but only two of Piper’s kids. That’s no mistake on GIF creator’s part.

The mere mention of Forever Charmed Melinda, even in the best written fics have send reviewers into a hateful frenzy and practically foaming at the mouth. If you’ve gone through old threads here, you would’ve discovered the many reasons behind the strong reaction.

I don’t feel murderous rage enough to destroy the whole world when Melinda’s name passes someone’s lips. Or plug my ears and go: “Lalala! I’m not listening! Melinda doesn’t exist! That wasn’t Piper’s daughter! That was Phoebe’s daughter! Donald Trump isn’t the President! He isn’t! Lalalala!”

However, after encountering Martyr Melinda giving a grand speech and dying in Chris or Wyatt’s arms, overprotective Melinda coming back to the past and berating everyone for mistreating Chris, teenaged boy-crazy Melinda, Super-besties and occasional frenemies with cousins Melinda, I shall prove I’m an awesome witch and can handle demons all by myself Melinda, My two super overprotective brothers Melinda, I look and cook just like my Mom Melinda, Wyatt killed me and the rest of my cousins(but ofcourse spared Chris) Melinda, Me and Chris are super-close Melinda, Me and Chris are super incestuously close Melinda …..I’m starting to understand the psychology behind why people appear to just snap at certain characters.

What’s funny is that initially, I was disappointed when Brad Kern made a billion changes and to top it all off, he gave Piper a super-duper boy! Then to make things super extra annoying, he gave Piper another boy. But if this all above is what Fanfic Melinda has to offer, I’m kind of glad I didn’t see Brad Kern’s version of the character. While the Charmed Ones and Chris and Wyatt’s characters aren’t all that innocent of bad portrayal in fanfics, some of their portrayals are beyond amazing which manage to balance out the bad in the end. But with Post-Forever Charmed and Chris-Crossed Melinda, I’m still waiting to stop cringing….

That’s all the general issues I can think of at the moment. I apologize if I seemed harsh. But at the end of the day, if this feedback can get you one step closer to building a rich and complex story with memorable characters which would make your readers, reviewers and lurkers drool and die happy, then….yay! 

Anyways, will post the character-specific feedback later.

[BriannaWarren]

Dec 1, 2016 4:01:01 GMT -5 cyma said:

Before I dive into the character-specific feedback, I’m going to get a few of my pet peeves out of the way:

Too similar to the Charmed Ones

Their personalities, their relationship with each other, even their careers are a major déjà vu. Paris getting under Prue's skin. Phoenix having a huge heart and ready to help anyone and also wanting to become a chef. It's just way too close to the Charmed Ones.

Which shouldn’t be.

These girls have a Cupid father who didn't abandon them, a living mother who didn’t die tragically and left her children traumatized, not to mention aunts, cousins, dead relatives who occasionally pop up and a grandfather. This would definitely affect their personalities and their relationship with each other.

There is going to be a long list of more reasons these girls need to be different than the Charmed Ones. But one of the most important reason:

Wyatt and Chris

Wyatt and Chris are two huge issues. They’re sort of……interesting
 
I’m a fan of the Halliwell sisters, but even I gotta admit that these two have such compelling back stories and even forward stories. Which is a really great thing for them. But not a very good thing for their side-kick invisible cousins unfortunately.

It’s easy to avoid Wyatt and Chris when you’re just writing about the Halliwell sisters, but not Halliwell cousins. So if Phoebe’s daughters are going to be the main characters, then they need to be not only interesting, but really REALLY damn interesting characters.

Melinda
Have you noticed the GIFs I posted from Tumblr? We see three kids for Phoebe and Paige, but only two of Piper’s kids. That’s no mistake on GIF creator’s part.

The mere mention of Forever Charmed Melinda, even in the best written fics have send reviewers into a hateful frenzy and practically foaming at the mouth. If you’ve gone through old threads here, you would’ve discovered the many reasons behind the strong reaction.

I don’t feel murderous rage enough to destroy the whole world when Melinda’s name passes someone’s lips. Or plug my ears and go: “Lalala! I’m not listening! Melinda doesn’t exist! That wasn’t Piper’s daughter! That was Phoebe’s daughter! Donald Trump isn’t the President! He isn’t! Lalalala!”

However, after encountering Martyr Melinda giving a grand speech and dying in Chris or Wyatt’s arms, overprotective Melinda coming back to the past and berating everyone for mistreating Chris, teenaged boy-crazy Melinda, Super-besties and occasional frenemies with cousins Melinda, I shall prove I’m an awesome witch and can handle demons all by myself Melinda, My two super overprotective brothers Melinda, I look and cook just like my Mom Melinda, Wyatt killed me and the rest of my cousins(but ofcourse spared Chris) Melinda, Me and Chris are super-close Melinda, Me and Chris are super incestuously close Melinda …..I’m starting to understand the psychology behind why people appear to just snap at certain characters.

What’s funny is that initially, I was disappointed when Brad Kern made a billion changes and to top it all off, he gave Piper a super-duper boy! Then to make things super extra annoying, he gave Piper another boy. But if this all above is what Fanfic Melinda has to offer, I’m kind of glad I didn’t see Brad Kern’s version of the character. While the Charmed Ones and Chris and Wyatt’s characters aren’t all that innocent of bad portrayal in fanfics, some of their portrayals are beyond amazing which manage to balance out the bad in the end. But with Post-Forever Charmed and Chris-Crossed Melinda, I’m still waiting to stop cringing….

That’s all the general issues I can think of at the moment. I apologize if I seemed harsh. But at the end of the day, if this feedback can get you one step closer to building a rich and complex story with memorable characters which would make your readers, reviewers and lurkers drool and die happy, then….yay! 

Anyways, will post the character-specific feedback later.

Thank you for listing the reasons that you believe are wrong with my characters, I will take these into consideration while I continue to update my character profiles. These criticisms help me greatly, so whenever you or anybody else has an issue with my FanFiction please bring it to my attention. Thank you, again!

[Granny Charmed]

I look forward to seeing what you have installed for your fanfiction dear. Any idea when you plan to start writing - not that you have to rush. I always say take as much time as needed dear - and always trust your own gut on what you wish to write. Nothing wrong with a little criticism, because dear at the end of the day, it is your work and you must always not write or change ideas because someone else suggested it, but always keeping things in mind and working it to your advantage.

Just have some fun with it and see where you can go. Stories are always so much fun to read - as they are to write.

[BriannaWarren]

Dec 1, 2016 22:40:03 GMT -5 Granny Charmed said:

I look forward to seeing what you have installed for your fanfiction dear. Any idea when you plan to start writing - not that you have to rush. I always say take as much time as needed dear - and always trust your own gut on what you wish to write. Nothing wrong with a little criticism, because dear at the end of the day, it is your work and you must always not write or change ideas because someone else suggested it, but always keeping things in mind and working it to your advantage.

Just have some fun with it and see where you can go. Stories are always so much fun to read - as they are to write.

I am hoping to start writing over the Christmas break since I don't have to go to work and all I have to do is wrap presents up and cook for Christmas, so I am not doing much. My sister and I have took criticisms on board and have started writing new character profiles and having them more in depth.

My sister and I are also working on the big threat in the show and will have that out in due time. As soon as I have finished, I will upload what I have worked on and see what you guys think. I would like to thank everyone for being patient with me, since this is the first fanfiction that I will write that would be uploaded. 

[Granny Charmed]

Dec 2, 2016 0:04:06 GMT -5 BriannaWarren said:

Dec 1, 2016 22:40:03 GMT -5 Granny Charmed said:

I look forward to seeing what you have installed for your fanfiction dear. Any idea when you plan to start writing - not that you have to rush. I always say take as much time as needed dear - and always trust your own gut on what you wish to write. Nothing wrong with a little criticism, because dear at the end of the day, it is your work and you must always not write or change ideas because someone else suggested it, but always keeping things in mind and working it to your advantage.

Just have some fun with it and see where you can go. Stories are always so much fun to read - as they are to write.

I am hoping to start writing over the Christmas break since I don't have to go to work and all I have to do is wrap presents up and cook for Christmas, so I am not doing much. My sister and I have took criticisms on board and have started writing new character profiles and having them more in depth.

My sister and I are also working on the big threat in the show and will have that out in due time. As soon as I have finished, I will upload what I have worked on and see what you guys think. I would like to thank everyone for being patient with me, since this is the first fanfiction that I will write that would be uploaded. 

Oh how wonderful dear. I am very pleased to see you have someone to write with. Doing a first fanfiction is a challenge dear - so do not feel the need to rush to post it.

[BriannaWarren]

Dec 2, 2016 0:07:33 GMT -5 Granny Charmed said:

Dec 2, 2016 0:04:06 GMT -5 BriannaWarren said:

I am hoping to start writing over the Christmas break since I don't have to go to work and all I have to do is wrap presents up and cook for Christmas, so I am not doing much. My sister and I have took criticisms on board and have started writing new character profiles and having them more in depth.

My sister and I are also working on the big threat in the show and will have that out in due time. As soon as I have finished, I will upload what I have worked on and see what you guys think. I would like to thank everyone for being patient with me, since this is the first fanfiction that I will write that would be uploaded. 

Oh how wonderful dear. I am very pleased to see you have someone to write with. Doing a first fanfiction is a challenge dear - so do not feel the need to rush to post it.

Thank you, again!

[Granny Charmed]

Dec 2, 2016 0:26:52 GMT -5 BriannaWarren said:

Dec 2, 2016 0:07:33 GMT -5 Granny Charmed said:

Oh how wonderful dear. I am very pleased to see you have someone to write with. Doing a first fanfiction is a challenge dear - so do not feel the need to rush to post it.

Thank you, again!

My pleasure dear.

[sol]

You'ld find a good villain and the best usually are those with angel appearance!

Cyma is right, Phoebe's girls had a protected childhood and have no doubts about the love of their family, so they'ld have more confidence in themselves

Judging by flashforward, the youngest must be at least 5/6 years younger of her big sisters, you can write of her as the spoiled child of the family but you can also turn her into the most extreme character of the family, one that has felt cut off from the clan of the cousins and developed her own and different way of acting and thinking

I do not like to see reappear Cole Turner, but it might be nice to know his fully human relatives
Cole's father will have had brothers, and these will have had children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren and if one of them was a friend of one of the girls, it'ld be intristing

[BriannaWarren]

Dec 2, 2016 2:24:14 GMT -5 sol said:

You'ld find a good villain and the best usually are those with angel appearance!

Cyma is right, Phoebe's girls had a protected childhood and have no doubts about the love of their family, so they'ld have more confidence in themselves

Judging by flashforward, the youngest must be at least 5/6 years younger of her big sisters, you can write of her as the spoiled child of the family but you can also turn her into the most extreme character of the family, one that has felt cut off from the clan of the cousins and developed her own and different way of acting and thinking

I do not like to see reappear Cole Turner, but it might be nice to know his fully human relatives
Cole's father will have had brothers, and these will have had children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren and if one of them was a friend of one of the girls, it'ld be intristing

My sister and I have been debating having Benjamin's brother in the Fanfiction, and having one of his great-granddaughters be friends with Paris. We have been discussing about the Turner's powers and abilities, I know that Elizabeth was the demon but we have been discussing ways that Benjamin's brother could of been protected by making a deal with Elizabeth.

 I know that we will find away to incorporate a Cole Turner factor in the Fanfiction but we are still discussing on how we can do that and how it wouldn't be a total cop out, like, here is three female charmed ones and also here is a Turner, something that my sister and I have been trying to avoid, being the exact same but we will find away not to make it like the original.

[cyma]

Dec 2, 2016 0:04:06 GMT -5 BriannaWarren said:

I am hoping to start writing over the Christmas break since I don't have to go to work and all I have to do is wrap presents up and cook for Christmas, so I am not doing much. My sister and I have took criticisms on board and have started writing new character profiles and having them more in depth.

My sister and I are also working on the big threat in the show and will have that out in due time. As soon as I have finished, I will upload what I have worked on and see what you guys think. I would like to thank everyone for being patient with me, since this is the first fanfiction that I will write that would be uploaded. 

When I post the character specific feedback, here’s keeping my fingers crossed it can speed up the character profile process and hopefully not contribute in giving you anxiety, blood pressure or a massive heart attack. Because I had no idea this was going to be your first ever fanfic! Or is it the first fic you’re ever going to go public with?

Either way, the fanfic writer in me completely understands the challenges, pressures and fears (especially the all-consuming, paralyzing fear) of just writing and sharing merely a simple short fanfic, let alone long story with so many characters.

However, the fanfic reader part of me is still going to provide feedback as if you're training for the Olympics for three reasons.

You requested it. I'm strangely enjoying it and excluding fics only or largely focused on Wyatt and Chris, majority of next generation fics are....well....let's just say if a critic like Obscura Lupa ever accidentally saw them, she would have a field day tearing every single thing about them to shreds a million times over then burning everything until there's not even traces of ashes left o.0

But don't be intimidated by this and run away screaming in terror just yet. This is actually a very great thing. If majority are crashing and burning and you know the reasons behind them, then you can easily avoid or manage them and finally fly :-)

[Esmeralda]

Nov 27, 2016 16:02:51 GMT -5 adzpower said:

Nov 27, 2016 13:47:43 GMT -5 cyma said:

Feedback on character profiles still pending but something else in the meantime:

These scenes are just so telling of the later seasons, we have Piper working on her cooking, Phoebe giving birth whilst Paige is of course the only one actually helping an innocent. I think it's great that even though she was the last sister to join, she is the only one who ended up upholding all their beliefs from the original seasons even though she wasn't there!

This is the reason why I would prefer a spin-off being based on Paige's children rather than Piper's or Phoebe's - I can't see either Piper and Leo (since he's too dominated by Piper) or Phoebe and Coop (ditto) raising their kids to take care of innocents the way Paige and Henry would.

Using the names I prefer, I would like Cassandra (Cassie) to be pure living whitelighter like her mother (with the typical whitelighter powers) while Charlotte (Charlie) be pure witch like her grandmother and aunts (with the power to see the future) while their adopted brother Matthew (Matt - I just can't see Paige naming her son Henry Jr. - but I can so see Paige and Henry adopting) would be pure non-magical but much smarter than his adopted sisters who tend to be ditzes like their mother, so he could help with figuring out what to do. Note that all powers are passive - they'd have to use spells (which only Charlie could cast) and potions (which only Charlie could brew - I'm on purpose making the only pure Warren the most important one...) and their brains along with working together to save innocents.

In my own alternate universe, the world has turned into the Morality Bites universe with both Piper and Phoebe having been burnt (as I believe is the true future of the S8 Charmed Ones) and now Wyatt, Chris, and Ladybug (the Mitchells' only cousins who because they're cousins, don't have the Power of Three) want revenge and now it's up to Paige's kids (along with Paige and Henry) to try to save their world from their cousins, the Halliwells - who have already killed off the Elders.

To me, that would make a much better spin-off than one that usually ends up being too much like what Cyma described since it would be totally different than the original but still be based on the canon, with the exception of 'Forever Charmed' which I never thought was real anyway.

Unfortunately, very typical Es, I'm great at coming up with ideas, but horrible at actually writing it - so if anyone else likes this setup and wants to write it - go for it!

[BriannaWarren]

Dec 4, 2016 1:11:28 GMT -5 cyma said:

Dec 2, 2016 0:04:06 GMT -5 BriannaWarren said:

I am hoping to start writing over the Christmas break since I don't have to go to work and all I have to do is wrap presents up and cook for Christmas, so I am not doing much. My sister and I have took criticisms on board and have started writing new character profiles and having them more in depth.

My sister and I are also working on the big threat in the show and will have that out in due time. As soon as I have finished, I will upload what I have worked on and see what you guys think. I would like to thank everyone for being patient with me, since this is the first fanfiction that I will write that would be uploaded. 

When I post the character specific feedback, here’s keeping my fingers crossed it can speed up the character profile process and hopefully not contribute in giving you anxiety, blood pressure or a massive heart attack. Because I had no idea this was going to be your first ever fanfic! Or is it the first fic you’re ever going to go public with?

Either way, the fanfic writer in me completely understands the challenges, pressures and fears (especially the all-consuming, paralyzing fear) of just writing and sharing merely a simple short fanfic, let alone long story with so many characters.

However, the fanfic reader part of me is still going to provide feedback as if you're training for the Olympics for three reasons.

You requested it. I'm strangely enjoying it and excluding fics only or largely focused on Wyatt and Chris, majority of next generation fics are....well....let's just say if a critic like Obscura Lupa ever accidentally saw them, she would have a field day tearing every single thing about them to shreds a million times over then burning everything until there's not even traces of ashes left o.0

But don't be intimidated by this and run away screaming in terror just yet. This is actually a very great thing. If majority are crashing and burning and you know the reasons behind them, then you can easily avoid or manage them and finally fly :-)

This is the first FanFic that I am going to go public with because mostly my FanFics are about alternate realities, and let's be frank, no body wants to read another Charmed Alternate Reality fanfiction.

I am hoping to use the feedback to create strong characters to make a better story. I am not going to be intimidated by your feedback due to the main reason is I ask for constructive criticisms on both my character profiles and my fanfic itself, and you can't be emotionally hurt by something you asked for.

I hope I my fanfictions won't fail but if it does then I would need to understand where I went wrong and go back to the drawing board.

[adzpower]

Dec 4, 2016 9:45:33 GMT -5 Esmeralda said:

Nov 27, 2016 16:02:51 GMT -5 adzpower said:

These scenes are just so telling of the later seasons, we have Piper working on her cooking, Phoebe giving birth whilst Paige is of course the only one actually helping an innocent. I think it's great that even though she was the last sister to join, she is the only one who ended up upholding all their beliefs from the original seasons even though she wasn't there!

This is the reason why I would prefer a spin-off being based on Paige's children rather than Piper's or Phoebe's - I can't see either Piper and Leo (since he's too dominated by Piper) or Phoebe and Coop (ditto) raising their kids to take care of innocents the way Paige and Henry would.

Using the names I prefer, I would like Cassandra (Cassie) to be pure living whitelighter like her mother with the typical whitelighter powers) while Charlotte (Charlie) be pure witch like her grandmother and aunts (with the power to see the future) while their adopted brother Matthew (Matt - I just can't see Paige naming her son Henry Jr.- but I can so see Paige and Henry adopting) would be pure non-magical but much smarter than his adopted sisters, so could help with figuring out what to do. Note that all powers are passive -they'd have to use spells (which only Charlie could cast) and potions (which only Charlie could brew) and their brains along with working together to save innocents.

In my own alternate universe, the world has turned into the Morality Bites universe with both Piper and Phoebe having been burnt (as I believe is the true future of the S8 Charmed Ones) and now Wyatt, Chris, and Ladybug (the Mitchells' only cousins who because they're cousins, don't have the Power of Three) want revenge and now it's up to Paige's kids (along with Paige and Henry) to try to save their world from their cousins - who have already killed off the Elders.

To me, that would make a much better spin-off than one that usually end up being too much like what Cyma described since it would be totally different than the original but still be based on the canon, with the exception of 'Forever Charmed' which I never thought was real anyway.

Unfortunately, very typical Es, I'm great at coming up with ideas, but horrible at actually writing it - so if anyone else likes this setup and wants to write it - go for it!

That's a brilliant idea Es! I had myself thought of doing something similar but wasn't really sure how to go about it. Maybe one day.

[Deleted]

Dec 4, 2016 11:12:15 GMT -5 adzpower said:

Dec 4, 2016 9:45:33 GMT -5 Esmeralda said:

This is the reason why I would prefer a spin-off being based on Paige's children rather than Piper's or Phoebe's - I can't see either Piper and Leo (since he's too dominated by Piper) or Phoebe and Coop (ditto) raising their kids to take care of innocents the way Paige and Henry would.

Using the names I prefer, I would like Cassandra (Cassie) to be pure living whitelighter like her mother with the typical whitelighter powers) while Charlotte (Charlie) be pure witch like her grandmother and aunts (with the power to see the future) while their adopted brother Matthew (Matt - I just can't see Paige naming her son Henry Jr.- but I can so see Paige and Henry adopting) would be pure non-magical but much smarter than his adopted sisters, so could help with figuring out what to do. Note that all powers are passive -they'd have to use spells (which only Charlie could cast) and potions (which only Charlie could brew) and their brains along with working together to save innocents.

In my own alternate universe, the world has turned into the Morality Bites universe with both Piper and Phoebe having been burnt (as I believe is the true future of the S8 Charmed Ones) and now Wyatt, Chris, and Ladybug (the Mitchells' only cousins who because they're cousins, don't have the Power of Three) want revenge and now it's up to Paige's kids (along with Paige and Henry) to try to save their world from their cousins - who have already killed off the Elders.

To me, that would make a much better spin-off than one that usually end up being too much like what Cyma described since it would be totally different than the original but still be based on the canon, with the exception of 'Forever Charmed' which I never thought was real anyway.

Unfortunately, very typical Es, I'm great at coming up with ideas, but horrible at actually writing it - so if anyone else likes this setup and wants to write it - go for it!

That's a brilliant idea Es! I had myself thought of doing something similar but wasn't really sure how to go about it. Maybe one day.

It's a very great idea, Es. I really wish someone write on that too. But, I'm not very fan of the idea of one sister witch and the other whitelighter. I mean, it could be a good idea, for exemple a twin with a wiccan power and the other one with the same power of their mother. It's only my tought. The main problem to is that even if "Charlie" have only whitelighter powers; she should have also the basic of the witches (scrying, brewing potion, and casting spell) because it's inherent and "Charlie" still a witch after all. Just a witch with whitelighter powers. But again, it's only my tought !

Anyway, I'm very excited to read a little more about your story, especially if you've made research!

[Esmeralda]

Dec 4, 2016 10:44:54 GMT -5 BriannaWarren said:

Dec 4, 2016 1:11:28 GMT -5 cyma said:

When I post the character specific feedback, here’s keeping my fingers crossed it can speed up the character profile process and hopefully not contribute in giving you anxiety, blood pressure or a massive heart attack. Because I had no idea this was going to be your first ever fanfic! Or is it the first fic you’re ever going to go public with?

Either way, the fanfic writer in me completely understands the challenges, pressures and fears (especially the all-consuming, paralyzing fear) of just writing and sharing merely a simple short fanfic, let alone long story with so many characters.

However, the fanfic reader part of me is still going to provide feedback as if you're training for the Olympics for three reasons.

You requested it. I'm strangely enjoying it and excluding fics only or largely focused on Wyatt and Chris, majority of next generation fics are....well....let's just say if a critic like Obscura Lupa ever accidentally saw them, she would have a field day tearing every single thing about them to shreds a million times over then burning everything until there's not even traces of ashes left o.0

But don't be intimidated by this and run away screaming in terror just yet. This is actually a very great thing. If majority are crashing and burning and you know the reasons behind them, then you can easily avoid or manage them and finally fly :-)

This is the first FanFic that I am going to go public with because mostly my FanFics are about alternate realities, and let's be frank, no body wants to read another Charmed Alternate Reality fanfiction.

I'll be frank. I prefer alternate realities to the one shown in 'Forever Crap, I mean Forever Piper, I mean Forever Charmed'. Naturally I'm probably an exception to the rule, but I hate ones based on 'Forever Crap, I mean Forever Piper, I mean Forever Charmed' because there's no drama - we know that Piper and Leo (at least - who cares about Phoebe and Paige - Kern sure didn't) will live sappily ever after as will their kids, at least long enough to have a lot of kids. I prefer ones where Piper is gone since otherwise everyone would always go running to her since she was a Power of One with no need for the other two since she could just flick her hands and demons go bye-bye. Her dying also means that Phoebe and Paige are no longer the Charmed Ones since they don't have the Power of Three.

I am hoping to use the feedback to create strong characters to make a better story. I am not going to be intimidated by your feedback due to the main reason is I ask for constructive criticisms on both my character profiles and my fanfic itself, and you can't be emotionally hurt by something you asked for.

Well, that's not true - I'm usually hurt when someone doesn't like something I do - I simply can't blame others when I'm hurt, only myself, since I asked for it by posting them publicly. But if what they suggest doesn't fit with my ideas for the character, I simply shrug the suggestions aside, figuring if they'd rather it be something different, they can write it. But if the suggestion *does* fit in with my ideas, then I change it.

And that's why I post them publicly, even if I'm not nuts on them myself, because usually someone will come up with a suggestion that I can use to make it better.

I hope I my fanfictions won't fail but if it does then I would need to understand where I went wrong and go back to the drawing board.

I'm dreadfully afraid that you're setting yourself up for failure, Brianna. If all you're trying to do is write something that everyone will like, that will *never* happen since everyone sees the show and its characters differently. Remember - you can please some of the people some of the time but not all of the people all of the time, and you can't please everyone, so you've got to please yourself.

Now if someone gives you constructive criticism and you can use it to make your story better in your own eyes, that's fantastic. But if someone else says, "Oh, this is horrible! No way .... would've .... and instead ... should've...." and you change it just to please that person, before you know it, you'll end up with a mess that you don't like!

Use the suggestions, but write the story *you* want to write with your own special twists. That's what makes a successful story no matter how many people do or don't like it. And if they don't like it and you don't agree with their reasons, remember that that's *their* problem, not yours.

[Esmeralda]

Dec 4, 2016 11:12:15 GMT -5 adzpower said:

Dec 4, 2016 9:45:33 GMT -5 Esmeralda said:

This is the reason why I would prefer a spin-off being based on Paige's children rather than Piper's or Phoebe's - I can't see either Piper and Leo (since he's too dominated by Piper) or Phoebe and Coop (ditto) raising their kids to take care of innocents the way Paige and Henry would.

Using the names I prefer, I would like Cassandra (Cassie) to be pure living whitelighter like her mother (with the typical whitelighter powers) while Charlotte (Charlie) be pure witch like her grandmother and aunts (with the power to see the future) while their adopted brother Matthew (Matt - I just can't see Paige naming her son Henry Jr. - but I can so see Paige and Henry adopting) would be pure non-magical but much smarter than his adopted sisters who tend to be ditzes like their mother, so he could help with figuring out what to do. Note that all powers are passive - they'd have to use spells (which only Charlie could cast) and potions (which only Charlie could brew - I'm on purpose making the only pure Warren the most important one...) and their brains along with working together to save innocents.

In my own alternate universe, the world has turned into the Morality Bites universe with both Piper and Phoebe having been burnt (as I believe is the true future of the S8 Charmed Ones) and now Wyatt, Chris, and Ladybug (the Mitchells' only cousins who because they're cousins, don't have the Power of Three) want revenge and now it's up to Paige's kids (along with Paige and Henry) to try to save their world from their cousins, the Halliwells - who have already killed off the Elders.

To me, that would make a much better spin-off than one that usually ends up being too much like what Cyma described since it would be totally different than the original but still be based on the canon, with the exception of 'Forever Charmed' which I never thought was real anyway.

Unfortunately, very typical Es, I'm great at coming up with ideas, but horrible at actually writing it - so if anyone else likes this setup and wants to write it - go for it!

That's a brilliant idea Es! I had myself thought of doing something similar but wasn't really sure how to go about it. Maybe one day.

Oh, Adzpower! Having read your stories and thoroughly enjoyed them, especially with the way you handle characters, if you were to take these ideas and use it to write a fanfic, you'd make me the happiest Charmed fan ever! I really hope someday you find the time to do it!

AND if you let me do what *I* love to do - take your story and write my own version of it - I'd be even happier!

[Esmeralda]

Dec 4, 2016 11:16:03 GMT -5 @martins said:

Dec 4, 2016 11:12:15 GMT -5 adzpower said:

That's a brilliant idea Es! I had myself thought of doing something similar but wasn't really sure how to go about it. Maybe one day.

It's a very great idea, Es. I really wish someone write on that too. But, I'm not very fan of the idea of one sister witch and the other whitelighter. I mean, it could be a good idea, for exemple a twin with a wiccan power and the other one with the same power of their mother. It's only my tought. The main problem to is that even if "Charlie" have only whitelighter powers; she should have also the basic of the witches (scrying, brewing potion, and casting spell) because it's inherent and "Charlie" still a witch after all. Just a witch with whitelighter powers. But again, it's only my tought !

Anyway, I'm very excited to read a little more about your story, especially if you've made research!

I can see that, except if Cassie has whitelighter powers but is also a witch, that makes her much more important than her sister who only has witch powers. I don't want any of them to be a Power of One the way Piper and Paige were, making Phoebe useless, which is why I preferred the original set where each one needed the other two. By having Paige's two sides split between her twins, with Cassie only a living whitelighter and Charlie only a witch, that would go back to being the case.

But if you wanted to write a story with the twins split up the way you suggested, go for it!

[adzpower]

I was thinking about maybe making them a male and female twin duo, not the traditional females everyone thinks of them as. I don't know, I think it might be more interesting to see a brother/sister duo. I personally would keep them as witches, and perhaps give them one power each. And it could be since they're twins they get one power each from one of the Charmed Ones. So maybe one twin has telekinesis, one has astral projection. One has freezing, one has exploding. That sort of thing. Although with Paige its harder since she has that whitelighter half. I think I might disregard it completely and just have them be witches, making it so that the amount of whitelighter in them is too diluted for them to inherit any of the abilities, keeping them pure witch.

[Esmeralda]

Dec 4, 2016 17:44:11 GMT -5 adzpower said:

I was thinking about maybe making them a male and female twin duo, not the traditional females everyone thinks of them as. I don't know, I think it might be more interesting to see a brother/sister duo. I personally would keep them as witches, and perhaps give them one power each. And it could be since they're twins they get one power each from one of the Charmed Ones. So maybe one twin has telekinesis, one has astral projection. One has freezing, one has exploding. That sort of thing. Although with Paige its harder since she has that whitelighter half. I think I might disregard it completely and just have them be witches, making it so that the amount of whitelighter in them is too diluted for them to inherit any of the abilities, keeping them pure witch.

I think most fans think of them as girls since they were two girls in the flashforward. But if your alternate universe skips the flashforward, you definitely could do it that way.

But you're making them much too powerful giving them a power from each sister, especially when their cousins already have some of those powers. I hope you decide to skip that idea. If you made the twins a boy and a girl but kept them to only having passive powers, I'd love it.

BUT if you like the idea of Mitchells vs Halliwells with the Mitchells being just as powerful as the Halliwells, I hope you decide to write it your way anyway and enjoy doing it. I just wish I was good at original stuff (I know I'm not) so I could do this one my way. It's why I have so much respect for fans who *can* write original stories.

[Esmeralda]

By the way, thinking that their whitelighter side is diluted because Henry isn't a whitelighter doesn't make much sense. The most powerful witches the world has ever known have a non-magical for a father and grandfather and probably great-grandfather. That sure didn't dilute *their* powers. The Mitchells' whitelighter side (those that aren't adopted) should be just as powerful as the Halliwells.

But if it's easier for you to say that that's true in your alternate universe - go for it!

I just wouldn't be interested, although I'm sure a lot of other Charmed fans would be.