P3Nathan's Season 7 Rewatch

[Esmeralda]

You did it to me again, P3Nathan! I really truly did just plan on reading this, do a quick review and call quits, but once more I'm laughing so hard halfway through it that I simply have to start over and comment as I go. I can't help wondering if you ever read the reviews in TWOP or read any of the 'Harmed comics (or for that matter) played the 'Harmed game that is based on both of them or if you didn't get a chance to do that, read the sorta-story I wrote based on playing that game, because, oh, is this reminding me of those!

Just give you an idea, here's the 'Harmed Ones - and if you look in the background you may see other characters you'll recognize:

So those are the Charmed Ones *I'll* be thinking of as I'm reading this....

Sept 9, 2015 16:40:37 GMT -5 @p3nathan said:

Conversations with My Hairy, British Self
A.K.A- Imaginary Fiends

Hehehehehe, once more love your alternate title! TheWB so could’ve used you!

Paige is already very twitchy and I think this lasts for pretty much the whole episode. Oh joy.

And that’s what immediately made me think of the ‘Harmed version. Here’s how she’s described in the game:

a spasming, pouting dimwit with too much lipstick, appalling color co-ordination (she's dressed in bright lemon yellow, brighter lime-green and even-brighter orange!) and way too much facial hair!

Paige: Preschool? Don’t you mean magic school?
Piper: No, I mean preschool. We enrolled him last week, remember?
Paige: You didn’t tell me that. Did you?
Piper: Yes, and you said you were worried about him using magic in public.
Paige: Oh. And what’d you say?
Piper: I said I was worried about him having a normal life.

So all that stuff about his schooling and his safety in season 6 went out the window huh? Because bla bla, normal life, bla bla B.S. Already I’m warm with fury and we’re not even a whole minute into the damn episode.

And people wonder why I think Piper never should’ve had kids as long as she had powers…AND they wonder why I think the “demon” who turned Wyatt (and Chris) evil is Piper…another reason I think the Forever Charmed flash-forward is Piper’s delusion and not reality – no way her sons would become witches and not warlocks! Which is also the reason why I think the girl in the flash-forward is her daughter – no way she wouldn’t imagine herself without one without her but she has no idea if she’d name her Prudence Melinda or Melinda Prudence so therefore in her delusion she didn’t name her.

Paige apparently has a New Zealand charge by the way... and yes she is complaining.

Paige: Really? Stop the jingling, already. I’ll be there as soon as I can. Charges.

So as Paige’s neglected charge is presumably tortured and killed by some demon, a bad guy attacks in the attic.

All why trying to turn a Charmed Ones into a full whitelighter was extremely stupid on the Elders’ (and Brad Kern’s) part. SHE’S NOT DEAD AND NEVER HAD A CHANCE TO DECIDE IF SHE WANTED TO BE A WHITELIGHTER OR NOT LIKE LEO DID! And people wonder why I consider S4-8 as the alternate-universe spin-off….

It looks like things could be interesting when Paige’s potion doesn’t even leave a mark, but Piper swiftly waves her hands for yet another anticlimactic vanquish.

*yawn* And that's for the show, not your comment.

They’ve used this song after the opening credits before. Sarah Maclachlan. Like the song, just pointing it out.

I wonder how often they did that during the last couple years – could they get away with paying less royalties that way?

Paige’s theory is that Wyatt is creating the demons, but Piper makes out like this is a completely ridiculous suggestion.

Piper: One! One lousy dragon. You’re gonna hold it against him for his entire life.

Piper, that one lousy dragon was destroying the city, exposed magic and quite possibly seriously injured or killed someone. You’re also forgetting the recent shrinking debacle, the evil Leo doppelganger that almost got Wyatt eaten and the constant risk of exposure because you refuse to do anything about his magic... because I guess actually teaching him to use it would get in the way of your stupid normal life shtick!

Back to why a magical Piper should never have children…and why Wyatt would never not turn evil no matter how many time travel trips Chris takes..

Speaking of Piper, here’s how ‘Harmed the Game, describes her:

a whining passive-aggressive woman with long shiny hair, the only beautiful thing about her

So anyway, Piper is right, it’s not him... but she still needs to shut up. It actually turns out that the imaginary friend Wyatt has been talking to is a demon named Vicus. I’ll be calling him Cheshire due to the weird Cheshire Cat thing he does when he shimmers.

Perfect name for him!

Cheshire goes back to his lair. His thing is turning magical kids to the dark side and sort of making his own army out of them I guess. So he plans to turn Wyatt evil...again, some more... seriously guys, taking the premise of a season arc then condensing and rehashing it into one filler episode?

Which also proves that Chris’ trip to the past was a total waste of time – Wyatt is always going to turn evil anyway.

Cheshire: For us. To add his power to yours, to the Collective.

Oh God, not another collective! Spare me. Do they just copy-paste whole sections of previous scripts?

They SO should’ve stopped this show after either Season 3 or Season 4!

Phoebe’s college. She went back to college remember?

So the writers actually remembered?? Should I die of shock? And here’s how ‘Harmed the Game describes her:

her selfish, egotistical, bony hag of a sister with fugly clothes, laughable fake breasts and a load of hideous and inappropriate tattoos.

See why I *have* to think of that version of the Charmed Ones than the ones you were watching??? Oh, wait. Those *are* the Charmed Ones you were watching…

Meh, I’ll take it over more of her boring office; even if it’s still all about her damn column. So all you really need to know here is that Phoebe’s professor is a big meany. Whatever.

*yawn* (again at the show, not your comments…)

Paige: I’ve been searching through the library at magic school, and I think I found something out about these demons.
Piper: And?
Paige: And it seems as if their various offensive powers are traditionally associated with good magic.

Um yeah, energy balls are totally associated with good magic... in that like 95% of the demons on this show have them! Also, I take it that they’re saying that Cheshire’s minions are witches. In which case, that’d explain why Paige’s potion did nothing, but more importantly- Piper killed a witch.

And as Sadrick points out later on, was it really a witch or a warlock? But then it doesn’t matter, since according to his definition, Paige and Phoebe are already warlocks, so I’m sure somehow she’s one, too, because I’m sure if she felt a human needed killing, she’d blast him/her without even thinking about it.

Cheshire is back to talk to Wyatt some more. Leo is none the wiser. What happened to that demon alarm they had in season 5/6? Too useful I guess.

It’s probably in Baby Chris’ room…After all, how often do we see one of the set of fat fugly girl twins who played him? Thank God they found a better-looking set of girls to play him in Season Eight – although not as cute as the Simmons twins who played Wyatt!

Piper casts the spell to hear “the inner Wyatt” and how his 20something year old self is supposed to help with that I dunno. If I was asked for insight into the psychology of my baby-self, I’d have nothing. Anyway, the spell brings future Wyatt, because time travel just happens by accident now- dunno why that Chris guy had such an issue with it. I’ll refer to future Wyatt as Wes, just bear in mind that I am talking about future Wyatt and not the actor.

First time one of your names really doesn’t make sense, especially when it *is* the name of the actor.

Wes is so vanilla it makes me queasy.

Which is why I’m going to change all of your future references to him to Vanilla. Fits *so* much better! Hope you don’t mind. I’ll make it “Vanilla” with quotes to show that it’s my name for him, not yours. So if you copy this, feel free to turn it back if you don’t like it.

Phoebe: Well, she said that he probably was talking to an imaginary friend. I mean not-not you. You know, the other you when you were…this is gonna be so confusing.

Well if there’s a ball of string where your brain should be, yeah I suppose it would be.

No one had that trouble when we saw the younger versions in “That Seventies Episode” – Prue just had trouble with tenses, although that makes plenty of sense. I certainly would.

Paige moans about and neglects her charge some more.

Paige: Yes, well, he can wait, because I think this is a little bit more important.
Paige: Do I ever have a life in the future?

Does it matter Paige? If you’re unemployed, you moan. If you’re at Notwarts, you moan. If you’re in temp jobs, you moan. If you’re a whitelighter, you moan. So to answer your question, I’m gonna guess “No”. Because whatever happens in your life, you’ll moan, moan, moan. Take a look at Piper and ask yourself seriously- “Is that who I want to turn into?” because you’re on the right track!

OH! So *that’s* why the Elders turned her into a full whitelighter without giving her the choice – if she’s going to constantly moan about her future, why not be sure she’s forced to do something good while she’s moaning since she’ll get a horrible headache if she doesn’t…maybe the Elders (and Kern) aren’t as stupid as I thought they were…

“Vanilla” sees Cheshire. He doesn’t believe that he’s a demon, despite seeing him shimmer out in all his black leather... because according to “Vanilla”, he didn’t seem like a demon, whatever that means. I guess he grows up as bird-brained as his relatives!

Well, if you were raised by them, wouldn’t you be?

More of Cheshire’s minions attack and they have weird weapons like exploding metal balls and an energy whip.

Despite this being a really blatant distraction, Leo leaves Wyatt alone in the middle of all this. I just... urgh! So obviously Cheshire jumps at this opportunity to get to Wyatt. Leo doesn’t even go upstairs, he’s just stood at the bottom of the staircase listening... what are you doing? You know that the demon wants your son, you idiot!!!

Okay, okay. I’m always willing to admit that I’m wrong when I’m proven wrong. And it looks like Leo has as much to do with Wyatt turning evil as Piper!

“Vanilla” vanquishes all of Cheshire’s minions with some sort of incinerating magic blast; so I guess that’s three more dead witches. No biggy.

Nope. Especially if they’re warlocks, just like him.  How could one of Piper's sons not turn into a warlock before he's 16?  You know they've both vanquished a non-magical by that point.  Look how easily Chris murdered the Valkyrie.  After all, I'm sure that Piper taught them that "Ends Justify the Means".  That "The wrong things done for the right reason is the wrong thing" is a bunch of malarky when demons are chasing you all the time and you never know who is evil and who isn't.

Cheshire makes Wyatt’s teddy bear glow and as soon as Wyatt touches it, “Vanilla” instantly becomes hairier and more English.

ROFL!!! I’d forgotten about that. And now your alternate title makes even more sense!

In Cheshire’s cave, “Vanilla” helps Phoebe and Paige to vanquish him by removing his invisibility. He’s making a point you see, because Phoebe and Paige thought that vanquishing him would make him good, but Cheshire’s curse still stands.

And, of course, Kern wants us to think that it’s Cheshire who turned Wyatt evil…but we know better, right?

“Vanilla” summons a bunch more of Cheshire’s minions to stall them while he orbs off to find himself... literally I mean, not in like a spiritual way, you understand.

LOL, yes, we understand. Now if he was smart, he’d take his younger self and orb them both to the future so he doesn’t have to be raised by this crowd…

”Vanilla”: No orbing, Aunt Paige..

I love that he calls her Aunt Paige, something Chris never did even after they knew who he was. He really didn’t have any respect for any of them, did he? But then can you blame him?

Pfft. Doubt that would have been an issue “Vanilla”, but okay.

Hehehehe!

So “Vanilla” gets Wyatt, to try and stop them from turning him good again.

Phoebe quotes Freud like five times this episode by the way. I guess he’s the only psychologist the writers have heard of.

Or the only one her college has ever heard of…

Leo basically gives “Vanilla” a yellow crayon speech and all is well. (for those who don’t watch Buffy, that just means he made him good again by telling him he loves him) “Vanilla’s” haircut is restored, as is his American accent.

Hehehe And since I’ve never watched Buffy, I still don’t get it, but that’s okay I guess. Truly – no need to explain it.

Phoebe’s professor gives her an A- and does some of the Phoebe arse-kissing that has become such a staple of this show. Another ego-tron is born! But not to worry; as we won’t be seeing this professor or anything to do with Phoebe’s college after this episode anyway.

THANK GOD!

“Vanilla” is about to be sent home... and it doesn’t require the Power of Three, because who cares?

”Vanilla”: Aunt Phoebe, I think you should hold onto that imaginary friend’s paper of yours.
Phoebe: Why?
”Vanilla”: For my little cousin.

Urgh, get out of here you evil little bastard! Quit feeding her damn obsession!

AMEN!!!!! Speaking of, don’t you wish he’d never shown up so Chris would’ve choked on that marble?

Next up- Zombies are hungry for braaaaains. So someone should really inform them that they’re wasting their time going after the Charmed Ones.

ROFLMFAO!!!! Your best comment for this very “vanilla” episode!

But also Zankou, so yay.

YAY!

ETA: How vanilla Wes Ramsey is with is acting in this episode is one of many reasons why I'm glad that "The Charmed Sons" never became a series.

[Deleted]

Sept 10, 2015 1:23:33 GMT -5 Sadrick said:

Just FYI, wouldn't those kids whom "Cheshire" kidnapped be deemed warlocks after having renounced their wiccan duties and morality? I ask this because the Charmed Ones have been slaughtering people like them since the first episode.

What's a warlock? But no really...

If all of them were cursed and magically influenced the way Wyatt was, as opposed to making a genuine choice, which sounds like the case based on Vicus' BOS entry, I would have an issue with them being casually killed whatever they might be labelled as.

[Esmeralda]

Sept 10, 2015 8:00:30 GMT -5 @p3nathan said:

Sept 10, 2015 1:23:33 GMT -5 Sadrick said:

Just FYI, wouldn't those kids whom "Cheshire" kidnapped be deemed warlocks after having renounced their wiccan duties and morality? I ask this because the Charmed Ones have been slaughtering people like them since the first episode.

What's a warlock? But no really...

If all of them were cursed and magically influenced the way Wyatt was, as opposed to making a genuine choice, which sounds like the case based on Vicus' BOS entry, I would have an issue with them being casually killed whatever they might be labelled as.

Congratulations! I've had to admit that I've been proven wrong in two consecutive replies! You are absolutely right and if you want to, I'll go back and change my previous post to show that you're right - Piper is now officially a warlock because she *did* murder a witch. But if she didn't know it was a witch and not a warlock, does that still count?

[Deleted]

Sept 10, 2015 8:13:21 GMT -5 Esmeralda said:

Piper is now officially a warlock because she *did* murder a witch. But if she didn't know it was a witch and not a warlock, does that still count?

I was actually just about to edit my post to add that haha... yeah, in all fairness, Piper didn't know and heck, they were leather clad and throwing energy balls and shiz at her, so I can't really blame her for not thinking anything of it. I guess it's more the writers' casual attitude to it when it's revealed later rather than what the characters did in this scenario.

I missed your post when I replied by the way, just reading through it now

EDIT- Oh and it's okay, no need to change anything unless you want to, I don't mind.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for reminding me of Harmed. I saw some of them years and years a go; those descriptions are just perfect. So thanks for the laugh hehe.

[Chrisaholic]

To "Imaginery Fiends": Yes, I might be fond of time travel but sometimes, it makes no sense, even in the Charmed universe. To hear the inner Wyatt, a big Wyatt appears?! Spell backfired again. How many times is that now? Anyway, a minor reference to Chris, or two: hence no future info and the whole marble thing. Otherwise, again baby Chris was not that important in the family's eyes, it seems. Still, we don't have the different accents in our German version, yet still: the evil Wyatt in S6 suited me better than the one now. And Vicus? No words needed. If Wyatt's powers are a problem for the parents, then they should have been bound from the start. End of story!

[Deleted]

It Smells Like Something Died in Here
A.K.A- Death Becomes Them
A.K.A- I Slept With a Zombie?! (Really WB? Really?)


I said last episode that Phoebe’s college was never to be seen or mentioned again. My mistake. She’s there now and is getting her tire changed by a fellow psychology student called Tim. Some of you may recall Phoebe being capable of doing this herself back in season 1, but I guess she’s too famous and wonderful for that these days... or lazy, whatever.

Tim isn’t long for this world, but he squeezes plenty of Phoebe arse-kissing into the brief time we spend with him. By the time he’s done, I’m quite relieved to see a weird ninja-Wolverine looking demon show up and give Tim a nasty scratch across the face. Phoebe hasn’t forgotten she can fight all over again since the “Freaky Phoebe” elevator incident, so she vanquishes said demon rather swiftly without need for any magic.

Vanessa Carlton sings us into San Francisco. Play that funky piano girlfriend!



Phoebe: We always sat next to each other in class, and, you know, talked occasionally, and flirted a bit. In fact, he asked me out on a date for tomorrow night. That's just my luck, huh?

Ah, so his death is already all about her. Okay, phew, for a moment I thought she was thinking of others.




So Zankou is after the Book of Shadows and it isn’t fooled by his shape-shifting power; nor the fact that he’s much smarter and a much better actor than most of the demonic chumps that go after it.

Zankou has a pal; an alchemist (who is portrayed by John Kassir, the voice of The Crypt Keeper). Zankou wants to shake up the sisters and make them vulnerable.

Hey it’s Sheila! Hi Sheila! She’s looking fab as always. She’s annoyed because Darryl is cancelling their date again to help the sisters- but to be fair to her, Darryl has taken to keeping things from her when it comes to them and Sheridan apparently. Sheila finds out about Sheridan’s memory loss.



Piper: Hello! We're home! (to Leo) Traffic was horrible. We should've been home an hour ago.
Leo: Well, we wanted a normal life. Afraid that means we give up the cosmic taxi.
Piper: Well, that doesn't mean I gave up the right to complain about it.

Oh gosh no; perish the thought!



Darryl: But if we accidentally trigger her memories, then everything comesback. Then that's it, it's over. For all of us.

Yeah and seriously, how on earth hasn’t that happened yet? She’s seen them at several crime scenes, she’s been looking in their file and is clearly suspicious; how much of a trigger does she need? Unless her memory has already returned and she’s playing along with them?



Paige has another new charge- a future whitelighter called Joanna. Paige actually cares about this one it seems, so her whitelighter hi-jinks won't infuriate me as much as the last couple of episodes. Joanna has a dodgy boyfriend with angry eyes.

We have a shot of the Manor in a thunder storm which I’m pretty sure is from the pilot. The change in picture quality is very noticeable. If it’s not from the pilot, it’s definitely the first two seasons.

And here we have the short bit that inspired the WB’s stupid promo title. Phoebe turns over in bed and finds zombie Tim beside her.

So Piper and Paige are convinced that Phoebe was dreaming. You’d think after seven seasons, they’d trust each other with this stuff... but then I guess you have to take into account how much their brains shrink each season, so maybe not.



Leo tells us about the Crypt Keeper.

Leo: According to the Book, demonic alchemists have the ability to control the undead, but lack the power to bring them back to life. They need an upper-level demon for that.

So pretty much the opposite of what was established about alchemists back in season three then? Got it.




Zankou gets another coffin and reveals to us that by weakening the sisters, he weakens the Book’s defences. They bring back Reece Davidson.


It turns out that Joanna’s boyfriend Carl is actually Zankou and Paige finds Joanna’s body. Zankou is getting a lot done this episode; somebody bought a day planner.

Sheridan tells Sheila everything. Sheila tells Darryl: “It’s our family or theirs.” I’ve always had an issue with this. If they’d had Sheila know what happened in season 6, I’d totally understand her getting to this stage; but supposedly she has no memory of that and there’s nothing to suggest Darryl told her... so as a result, it just seems out of character to me- I see no context for how she got to this point.

Reece Davidson goes after Phoebe. He’s mad because he believes that if she’d come clean about Cole, he’d still be alive. I don’t really see his logic on that one. The Seekers were killing people to get info on Cole; so if Phoebe had come clean to Reece, surely they would’ve had all the more reason to go after him.

Zankou is getting closer to the book. Notice how the book’s defenses seem to change practically every episode recently? It used to just glow and throw itself away from people. Then it started blasting people with a fiery effect. Today it’s a yellow force field.

They remember Paige can sense people all of a sudden, but it fails anyway, so she scries for Joanna.

Cemetery. The sisters are greeted by The Crypt Keeper, Tim, Joanna, Reece and three unnamed, unrecognisable people that are supposedly innocents that Piper lost.

Piper blows em all up. How boring and anticlimactic. And here I was actually rather enjoying this episode.
Zankou kills the Crypt Keeper.

Darryl is going on vacation. This is his penultimate episode by the way, so cherish him.

The book is gone, Zankou mwah ha has.


Next Up- The final battle: The Charmed Ones VS. Zankou in the last ever episode! The series finale of “Charmed”
...Oh wait. 

[Deleted]

Some of you may recall Phoebe being capable of doing this herself back in season 1, but I guess she’s too famous and wonderful for that these days... or lazy, whatever.

Changing tires?  PhoebME?  No way would she resort to peasant work like that.

Tim isn’t long for this world

Tim (nice to give him the same name as me) was the red shirted Ensign Deadmeat who accompanied Kirk, Spock, and McCoy down to the planet of the week...

Ah, so his death is already all about her. Okay, phew, for a moment I thought she was thinking of others.

Season One Phoebe would have, but she's but a memory.

So Zankou is after the Book of Shadows and it isn’t fooled by his shape-shifting power; nor the fact that he’s much smarter and a much better actor than most of the demonic chumps that go after it.

Zankou stands out among the later season villains this way.  Too bad he's the only one.

Piper: Hello! We're home! (to Leo) Traffic was horrible. We should've been home an hour ago.
Leo: Well, we wanted a normal life. Afraid that means we give up the cosmic taxi.
Piper: Well, that doesn't mean I gave up the right to complain about it.

Oh gosh no; perish the thought!

Well, they still have Paige as the magical family car.

Paige has another new charge- a future whitelighter called Joanna. Paige actually cares about this one it seems, so her whitelighter hi-jinks won't infuriate me as much as the last couple of episodes. Joanna has a dodgy boyfriend with angry eyes.

Joanna.  Another Ensign Deadmeat...

And here we have the short bit that inspired the WB’s stupid promo title. Phoebe turns over in bed and finds zombie Tim beside her.

Where are Rick Grimes and Michonne when you need them?

So pretty much the opposite of what was established about alchemists back in season three then? Got it.

Were they too  damned lazy to check with what the show previously established?  Of course, I could ask this of all later season episodes.

It turns out that Joanna’s boyfriend Carl is actually Zankou and Paige finds Joanna’s body.

why does being murdered disqualify Joanna from being a white lighter?  In the following season, another charge of Paige's, Mikelle, got murdered, yet she still made the cut (and she saved Paige's life).  What's the difference here?

Reece Davidson goes after Phoebe. He’s mad because he believes that if she’d come clean about Cole, he’d still be alive. I don’t really see his logic on that one. The Seekers were killing people to get info on Cole; so if Phoebe had come clean to Reece, surely they would’ve had all the more reason to go after him.

This would have worked better with Prue.  She was the one who saw Davidson die, after all.

three unnamed, unrecognisable people that are supposedly innocents that Piper lost.

And we're supposed to give a damn about these nobodies. 

Of course, I could ask why the sisters don't summon the spirits of Tim, Joanna, etc, but I won't. I've beaten that poor dead horse too much already.

The book is gone, Zankou mwah ha has.

Good ending.

Great review.

[Deleted]

The End... Psych!!!
A.K.A- Something Wicca This Way Goes (if only that were true)

So, here we are gang. Raise your glass, it’s another season finale. This one being Charmed’s last opportunity to go out with the tiniest shred of dignity intact. Let’s do this.

We start in Notwarts. Zankou has just stolen the book and the sisters are panicking. Piper is whaling for Leo; urgh I thought we’d at least be free from that “LEO!!!” shriek now that he’s mortal; my mistake.



Phoebe explains how Zankou must have gotten the book.

Phoebe: He broke us down.
Paige: Okay, but how does that explain -
Phoebe: Because our powers are tied to the Book and our emotions are tied to our powers, so by making us vulnerable, he --
Leo: He made the Book vulnerable, too.

Yeah so that’s a thing now. How they managed to keep hold of that thing for seven years if that’s the case is beyond me. They seem to lose confidence and give up every ten minutes.




Zankou and his leather clad lackeys take over the Manor.



Zankou: I want the woogie. Show me the woogie. Gimme the woogie!

Zankou takes in the shadow for like five seconds before it gets forced out of him. Turns out the sisters did this from Notwarts. They timed that very well.




Agent Keyes of Homeland Security meets with Sheridan. She has files on her desk: Halliwell, Trudeau, Rodriguez, Davidson and (get this) Gordon! The hell? What has Dan got to do with it? Has he disappeared or died? Was French Stewart the genie actually evil all along and he sent Dan away to soon suffer a horrible death?
Anyway, Homeland Security know about the sisters.

Zankou is going to make the potion to separate a witch from her powers... that one that originally needed to be ingested, but has since been far easier to use for the sake of plot convenience.

Piper and Phoebe reminisce about Quake and previous magic shenanigans and spells stretching all the way back to season one... just in case there was any doubt that this WAS a damn series finale.

Stoopid Magical Creatures have come to help... though not to help me retain my sanity... oh who am I kidding? I’m doing season 8 after this, sanity has long gone. Anyway, among them I can see fairies, trolls (thought they were evil), valkyries, an ogre, a gnome, two people with bow and arrows- not sure what they are... and a leprechaun who was most definitely killed by The Titans back in season 5.

Sheridan calls Darryl and has a rant. Sheila knows that something is up.

Battle at the Manor. Lots of exploding magical creatures, hehe, fun. Then the sisters turn Zankou into a pig with his own face. The effect is horrendous- this is a real low point for such a good villain. Screw you writers!

Zankou gets Phoebe’s power.

Elder Sandra heals Piper and tells them about the “How to banish a Suxen” spell. How many generations of Warren women have lived in The Manor and kept the shadow for good? Trust this lot to be the ones who finally push the self-destruct button.

Leo gives the sisters a pep talk, the way he does. Then Piper comes up with the strange and random idea of asking vampires for help. Okay, bit out of the blue, but we’ll go with it.

Homeland have turned the police station into Operation Witch Hunt; all eyes on the Manor. Sheridan wants to get into the house and provoke the sisters into using magic.

The sisters draw out the vampire queen by killing lots of her vampires. Oh now I know why they’re using vampires; you can just have them all in CGI bat form instead of hiring a bunch more actors. Also, you may recall that vampires were immune to witchcraft back in season 4... I’d let that slide if this had been the SERIES finale, but as it isn’t, they can suck it. (Inadvertent vampire joke there).
Anyway it turns out that Zankou got to the vampire queen first using Phoebe’s premonition power. So this would be the second time this season that someone has shown more skill with Phoebe’s power after possessing it for all of ten minutes, than Phoebe has the last few years. Zankou then manages to get Piper’s power, which is pretty easy these days since you can throw pretty much anything at her and she won’t bother freezing it.

The sisters wallow in how badly they’re getting their arses handed to them. They accept that the best they might have to settle for is taking Zankou down with them.

Leo asks Darryl to help keep all the Homeland agents and cops out of The Manor while the sisters have their battle. He gives Sheila a fight the good fight speech and promises her that this will be the last time. Oh Darryl, believe me, you’re getting the best deal out of all this.

Victor’s place. Hi Victor! Here we have a couple of pretty well acted and emotional scenes in which Piper and Phoebe say goodbye to their dad and then Piper says goodbye to her children. With Paige watching in tears and Holly’s voice breaking in the middle of her line; not gonna lie, it gets to me. Good luck finding a scene with any emotional weight like that in "Forever Crap"!

Sheridan is in the Manor and disobeying orders, she insists on going into the attic. Oh hi Zankou! Bye Sheridan!



Oh okay, now we have some sucky stuff. The sisters are anticipating Zankou’s arrival at Notwarts.

Piper: Just feels kind of strange, you know, doing it this way.
Paige: Well, I kinda wish we'd learned how to do it earlier. Would've come in handy.
Phoebe: Well, Prue was really protective of it. I'm just glad she showed Leo how to do it.

Zankou tries to take Paige’s power, but nothing happens and it turns out that these are the sisters' astral selves. So yeah, Kern’s idea of “honouring Prue” is having everyone use her power. I guess they could have used a spell off screen, but I doubt it... so Phoebe and Paige really ought to have learned how to blow demons up by now if it’s just a case of showing each other how. What a load of crap. Oh and she showed Leo how to do it? Are you freakin’ kidding me? When has Leo EVER astral projected? And why on earth would Prue want to teach her whitelighter of all people how to use her power?!?! Bull sh**, bull sh**, bull sh**. (Sigh) Okay, let’s continue.



The sisters get to the book and say the power of three spell, which allows them to take it back. Good luck finding a power of three spell in "Forever Crap".

Zankou finds the sisters in the attic and sends them flying with a shoe changing power... Phoebe lands in sandals and gets up in sneakers.

Zankou: I want the woogie, show me the woogie, GIMME THE WOOGIE!!!!!
All woogied up, Zankou is ready to kill the sisters. Here it is guys the finale we’ve been waiting for.



------------------
Piper, Phoebe, Paige: From ancient time, this power came, for all to have, but none to reign. Take it now, show no mercy. For this power can no longer be.

Zankou turns red, unable to control it as the Shadow is destroyed from within him. He screams
The sisters hold hands as the power intensifies.

Phoebe: This is it!

Zankou explodes.The wave of power washes through Piper, Phoebe and Paige.
The basement explodes. White smoke billows and dissipates around the house.

Agent Keyes: Holy ... God ...
Darryl: Aren't you glad I told you to wait?

Homeland Security searches the house and no trace of anyone inside. Darryl rushes upstairs to the attic and sees that the Book of Shadows has gone.

(ONE YEAR LATER)

It’s night time and Leo and Victor put Wyatt and Chris to bed. Leo kisses his sons on the head, as does Victor. Wyatt turns to a picture beside his bed and says goodnight to his mommy and his aunts, kissing the photo. Leo and Victor smile, switch off the light and leave. As Wyatt and Chris drift off to sleep, a glow can be seen under his bed. We see that The Book of Shadows has appeared beneath the bed.

Meanwhile, up in the afterlife, Piper, Phoebe and Paige sit with Patty, Grams, Prue and Melinda Warren. The witches share a few cocktails and toast to the one year anniversary of Zankou’s defeat and the start of a more peaceful world. They know it won’t last forever, but they’ve done their bit. Prue smiles: “So, witches forever?” Piper, Phoebe and Paige respond: “And damn proud of it.” They all clink glasses. Prue waves her hand, the gates of the afterlife close and the credits roll.
---------------



Just kidding, here’s what actually happened.

Leo is greeted outside the Manor by three women. It turns out these three women are the sisters under a glamour (oh yeah, they can all glamour now too). They faked their deaths and assumed new identities; the ones blasted by the explosion were just their astral selves. I never really got why Paige couldn’t just immediately orb them out after saying the incantation, but whatever, they’re “honouring Prue” remember?

Phoebe: So we can get the next generation ready to pick up where we left off.

Pfft, yeah that doesn’t happen... unless by getting them ready you mean having about 100 more of them.



They give Leo a glamour and Darryl sees them walking off together. He realises it’s them and is very happy. The house door closes with the sound of Prue’s power.

The end... or not.

So, that's it. Honestly, there was some stupid stuff in this episode, but for the stage the show had gotten to at this point, I thought this was a good finale. It's hard to fathom watching this how they thought this show had another 22 episodes left in it... just baffling. But there you have it.




Okay so in case any of you haven’t heard, I will be starting two new threads. One for season one and another for season eight. Next episode I will be reviewing is “1x01- Something Wicca This Way Comes” and that will be followed by “8x01- Still Charmed and Stagnating” on another thread. See you there.

[Astral Vision]

Sept 15, 2015 10:06:19 GMT -5 @p3nathan said:

The End... Psych!!!
A.K.A- Something Wicca This Way Goes (if only that were true)

Agent Keyes of Homeland Security meets with Sheridan. She has files on her desk: Halliwell, Trudeau, Rodriguez, Davidson and (get this) Gordon! The hell? What has Dan got to do with it? Has he disappeared or died? Was French Stewart the genie actually evil all along and he sent Dan away to soon suffer a horrible death?

Either that or Jenny never "went back to live with her parents" like suggested an episode after she stopped showing up.

Zankou finds the sisters in the attic and sends them flying with a shoe changing power... Phoebe lands in sandals and gets up in sneakers.

That's never really bothered me since it's just a costume continuity error, but definitely like how you phrased that, lol.

Nice fake ending to the "series" finale.

oh yeah, they can all glamour now too

Maybe Paige figured that if Prue could teach Leo to teach them to astral project, Paige could teach Piper and Phoebe to glamour.


-----

Thanks for doing these season seven reviews. They have been fun to read. I look forward to the start of your season one and eight reviews.

[Deleted]

Phoebe: He broke us down.
Paige: Okay, but how does that explain -
Phoebe: Because our powers are tied to the Book and our emotions are tied to our powers, so by making us vulnerable, he --
Leo: He made the Book vulnerable, too.

Yeah so that’s a thing now. How they managed to keep hold of that thing for seven years if that’s the case is beyond me. They seem to lose confidence and give up every ten minutes.

If that was always the case, Rex and Hannah could have just strolled right in after Prue was arrested for murder and helped themselves to the Book.

Zankou takes in the shadow for like five seconds before it gets forced out of him. Turns out the sisters did this from Notwarts. They timed that very well.

Yeah, the sisters got lucky there.

Zankou is going to make the potion to separate a witch from her powers... that one that originally needed to be ingested, but has since been far easier to use for the sake of plot convenience.

The sisters may have an amnesia virus, but we don't.

Piper and Phoebe reminisce about Quake and previous magic shenanigans and spells stretching all the way back to season one... just in case there was any doubt that this WAS a damn series finale.

When Kern wrote this, he was it was the series finale.

Stoopid Magical Creatures have come to help... though not to help me retain my sanity... oh who am I kidding? I’m doing season 8 after this, sanity has long gone. Anyway, among them I can see fairies, trolls (thought they were evil), valkyries, an ogre, a gnome, two people with bow and arrows- not sure what they are... and a leprechaun who was most definitely killed by The Titans back in season 5.

Disney invades the WB again.

Homeland have turned the police station into Operation Witch Hunt; all eyes on the Manor. Sheridan wants to get into the house and provoke the sisters into using magic.

Hey, Homeland Security, don't you have terrorists and illegal immigrants to worry about?  Did they expect to find Osama Bin Laden hiding in the Halliwell's cellar?

The sisters wallow in how badly they’re getting their arses handed to them. They accept that the best they might have to settle for is taking Zankou down with them.

Sucks to be going up against a villain with a brain.

Sheridan is in the Manor and disobeying orders, she insists on going into the attic. Oh hi Zankou! Bye Sheridan!

And the people did rejoice. 

Zankou tries to take Paige’s power, but nothing happens and it turns out that these are the sisters' astral selves. So yeah, Kern’s idea of “honouring Prue” is having everyone use her power. I guess they could have used a spell off screen, but I doubt it... so Phoebe and Paige really ought to have learned how to blow demons up by now if it’s just a case of showing each other how. What a load of crap. Oh and she showed Leo how to do it? Are you freakin’ kidding me? When has Leo EVER astral projected? And why on earth would Prue want to teach her whitelighter of all people how to use her power?!?! Bull sh**, bull sh**, bull sh**. (Sigh) Okay, let’s continue.

Hang in there, almost done.

(ONE YEAR LATER)

It’s night time and Leo and Victor put Wyatt and Chris to bed. Leo kisses his sons on the head, as does Victor. Wyatt turns to a picture beside his bed and says goodnight to his mommy and his aunts, kissing the photo. Leo and Victor smile, switch off the light and leave. As Wyatt and Chris drift off to sleep, a glow can be seen under his bed. We see that The Book of Shadows has appeared beneath the bed.

Meanwhile, up in the afterlife, Piper, Phoebe and Paige sit with Patty, Grams, Prue and Melinda Warren. The witches share a few cocktails and toast to the one year anniversary of Zankou’s defeat and the start of a more peaceful world. They know it won’t last forever, but they’ve done their bit. Prue smiles: “So, witches forever?” Piper, Phoebe and Paige respond: “And damn proud of it.” They all clink glasses. Prue waves her hand, the gates of the afterlife close and the credits roll.

Now this would have been the perfect ending.  It would have spared us Season Eight.

[Chrisaholic]

To "Death Becomes Them": Did I mention that this was the time for Chris's first birthday? Yet we weren't reminded that big Chris had died a year ago. His parents, or better his mother only, had decided to cancel it because of demons?! Hello, you're witches and your kids too, that's normal in your house. The earlier the kids are known to this, the better. That's my opinion, and mainly because of Phoebe being frightened by a zombie?! Lady, you've been a witch for a long time by now, you are used to it!! *grgr* Still, I loved Zankou and his tactics here. Simply brilliant!!

To "Something Wicca This Way Goes": Poor witches have lost their Book of Shadows to a demon: Yes, finally one demon was smart enough to find a way! Congratz to Zankou! lol Unfortunately, the sisters could remember some old spells, yet Zankou still got their powers, except Paige's. Prue showing Leo how to astral project - no fun, more fun if it were for her nephews. And if she's done that by herself. Your end suits me better than the one we saw on TV! Mine as well.

[sol]

I love Something Wicca This Way Goes, at the time I thought it was the finale, I was moved when the door closed

I cannot stand Season 7, apart Show Ghouls -at last, an old good warlock!-, The Seven Year Witch - a peaceful Cole was a gift for his fans- – Imaginary Friends-I prefer evil Wyatt's look- and the finale, full of passion

When I read that there would be a season eight, I hoped it'ld begin with the words: five years after
After five years undercover, the sisters decided it was time to go back, with flashbacks we'ld see their normal lives, as Phoebe and Paige living together in the old Victor's flat, with new jobs, some flirt and the problem of not wanting to fall in love while they aren't themselves
As Leo and Piper living at the Manor with Victor as related to the children and working at P3

I wished to see the story of three sisters who had tried to escape from what they had been  and that had understood to want to go back to being what they were


Confident, serene, wise women, fully Charmed One, ready to magic and to pay no attention to Elders, Angel of Destiny, all those magical pain in the neck!

[Esmeralda]

Oct 14, 2015 4:33:33 GMT -5 sol said:

I love Something Wicca This Way Goes, at the time I thought it was the finale, I was moved when the door closed

I cannot stand Season 7, apart Show Ghouls -at last, an old good warlock!-, The Seven Year Witch - a peaceful Cole was a gift for his fans- – Imaginary Friends-I prefer evil Wyatt's look- and the finale, full of passion

When I read that there would be a season eight, I hoped it'ld begin with the words: five years after
After five years undercover, the sisters decided it was time to go back, with flashbacks we'ld see their normal lives, as Phoebe and Paige living together in the old Victor's flat, with new jobs, some flirt and the problem of not wanting to fall in love while they aren't themselves
As Leo and Piper living at the Manor with Victor as related to the children and working at P3

I wished to see the story of three sisters who had tried to escape from what they had been  and that had understood to want to go back to being what they were


Confident, serene, wise women, fully Charmed One, ready to magic and to pay no attention to Elders, Angel of Destiny, all those magical pain in the neck!

Oh, man, would that have been perfect! How I wish...particularly if when they came back, they never ran into a witch named Billie...

[ljones]

I find it pretty telling that The Elders still consider Gideon, the recently revealed child and teacher murderer, as a good guy to insure a school’s safety!

Yes, but Leo did commit an act of cold-blooded murder, when Gideon was defenseless. He could have turned Gideon in to the Elders Council.

Victor: You used spells on my daughters?
Grams: Oh, every now and then. Hey, you try raising three girls by yourself. Keeping them in line. How else was I gonna stop them from misbehaving?
Victor: Gee, I don't know. By talking to them?
Grams: Talking?

My God! I can only wonder at how she raised Patty.

Piper: What did I say? I don't want any magic. Look, I know my kids can't have a completely normal life, but I've gotta give it a shot.

Why on earth didn’t this woman simply give up on being a witch if she hated it that much . . . and allow her children to decide if they want to deal with the supernatural or not?


As for “Chaaaarmed!” . . . dear God, I don’t know what else to say other than it was a horror fest for me.

After this, Kyle's continued hatred of the Avatars makes no sense. His whole motivation against them was that he thought they killed his parents. Well, as it turns out, they didn't. So why does he still hate them?

He didn’t hate the Avatars after he had learned the truth about his parents. Instead, Kyle saw them as a continuing threat. And he was right. Using magic to change the world’s population into Stepford Wives is nothing more than a case of psychic rape to me. And killing as many demons as you can, even when they’re not doing anything is genocide. How Leo and the Halliwells finally thought this was a good idea really astounds me. Even worse, they never realized that psychic rape is WRONG. Instead, the only lesson they learned was . . . “oh, everyone has a little good and bad in them”. Good grief! Maybe they should have been killed at the end of the episode, instead of Kyle Brody.


Ah yes . . . ”The Seven Year Itch”. The episode that made a big deal about Cole’s return and Drake’s death and yet, in the end, it was all about Piper and Leo. Boring. Even worse, this is the episode in which Cole admitted to trying to get Phoebe pregnant for selfish reasons . . . despite the fact that he was possessed by the Source at the time. Good job Kern on your lack of story continuity.